Going THROUGH the Valley of the SHADOW of Death

2009-05-02T19:49:00.001-05:00

I will always remember what Spurgeon said about Ps. 23:4...

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the SHADOW of death, I will fear no evil." Ps. 23:4

"It is only the SHADOW of death. It feels like death, but it isn't. And if physical death comes, for the Christian it is not death at all. It is only the "shadow of death"....for there is life forevermore with the Lord."

Preface to My Blog

2009-04-02T11:37:00.002-05:00

This blog is made up of little "meditations" I've written throughout the years of the worst of my illness that I made into a "book" once. The title to my devotional "book" was "My E. I. Story Through Meditations and Prayers (For Women)".

"Then they that feared the LORD SPAKE often one TO ANOTHER: and the LORD hearkened, and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the LORD, and that THOUGHT upon his NAME." (Mal. 3:16)

Ask yourself a question about this verse: What do you think the Christians spoke about? Meditate on the last phrase!

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To those of you who have experienced the "GREAT EXCHANGE" - (Our sin on Christ -His righteousness on us) (Term coined by Dr. John Piper):

Dear Sisters,

I believe it was 1996 when I read a book which changed my life, and I was encouraged to do "word studies" and "prayer journaling" on Scripture. It has been such a blessing to me, and I feel that God wants me to share the "blessings" with you.

Many of my prayers are kind of "personal" and show my "sin of fear" as well, but I am
reminded that we are to "confess our faults to one another" that we might be healed. Maybe the Lord knew I needed to go through these "scary" things to deal with this problem in my life...which I am still working on. :) Other prayers are testimonies of God's wonderful grace to me and His answers to my prayers. As I share them, I pray that you will be able to receive them in that light, not in the spirit of pride, but as testimonies of God's wonderful mercy and goodness to me. My written prayers are usually "laced" with special Scriptures that the Lord has laid upon my heart, and because they have "touched" my heart, I hope that they will "touch" your heart as well.

I hesitate to share my "meditations" sometimes. It's always a risk to share one's heart, especially with those you don't know well. I have been hurt in the past by those who have used my "confessions" against me, but I really feel that God wants me to do this....to share my "story" and what God was showing me as I advanced with this "crazy illness". I'm thinking that it just might encourage some of you to know that others have been down the same road.

I believe we can only grow as sisters when we can openly and honestly share our hearts, sins and victories, sorrows and joys! I do hope that when you read of the "victories" that God has given me, that this will encourage you, but please know that I am far, far from being what I ought to be, and that it seems that the Lord is only in the "beginning stages" of teaching me what it means to walk in the power of His Spirit. I am so thankful that God's work in me has truly made me a different person from what I was many years ago before my marriage, but there is still so much remaining sin! God's "searchlight" on me is beginning to reveal the deep pride and selfishness of my heart. My heart is still so wicked! I am always greatly encouraged, though, when I read Psalm 84:11b- "The Lord WILL give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly." I have fallen again and again, but I am reminded of Proverbs 24: 16a -"For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again..." I am "upright" only because I am covered by Christ's blood, by God's grace, but the promise IS to me! HOLINESS in my life is God's will for me. It is the good thing that I am seeking, by His grace. So the promise is to YOU and to ME. If we are truly in Christ, He WILL increase our
righteousness! What a HAPPY thought! Let's praise Him together! I would be absolutely THRILLED to hear your "meditations" and testimonies, too!

So HOW has God ordained that we should be made holy, purified, consecrated? It comes through the careful STUDY of WORDS - God's WORDS. As we imbibe His words and their meanings, God works surrender in our hearts and a sweet EXPERIENCE WITH HIM. Jesus said, "Sanctify them through thy truth: thy WORD is truth"(Jn. 17:17), so those who are
REALLY in the WORD have a special promise and assurance from God that they have an everlasting INHERITANCE (possession) of HIM and that they are being slowly sanctified.

Before we start, let me explain HOW I "meditate". Perhaps you will find my method helpful in your study as well. First, I usually take a passage, and then I take one verse at a time (usually just one or two a day). I have a Thompson Chain Reference Bible, so it has little
topics by each verse about what that verse is about. I enjoy looking up the verses that deal with that topic. You could probably use a Topical Bible to do this as well. Then I look up "Key" words in that verse in the Strong's Concordance. Finding the meanings is REALLY
INTERESTING sometimes! Then I take the verse and pray it to God and usually apply it to my life for that day in whatever I'm going through. Application to life is what makes Bible Study so much FUN, isn't it?

The best way to get the most out of this is to open your own Bible and read the verse or verses and look for the KEY words and "meditate" or "chew" on those words yourself BEFORE you read how God has blessed me with them. I would love to hear some of your
thoughts and how God is applying them to your life as well today! Originally I walked through whole Psalms, and it seemed like God kept bringing circumstances in my life to line up exactly with the verse for the day. It was amazing! But then we DO have an amazing God! :) Don't we?

I will try my best not to overwhelm you with too much at one time. I will post some excerpts (special verses) from the Psalms, but sometimes I'll need to post whole Psalms as the "meditation" is a unit of thought.

I have been told that it is not proper to use capital letters in e-mail, but I humbly ask that you will please pardon me here for doing so. Know that I am not screaming, but I use the capitals to emphasize certain words...especially "key words" that we will be meditating on. And since this is the way I wrote them and typed them up, it would take me "forever" to "fix" them. :)

Love in Christ,

My "Story"

2009-04-02T11:37:00.001-05:00

First I'll share my "story".

Since I come from an allergic family, I took allergy shots for awhile when I was a child. I had dust, pollen, mold, and food allergies and mild chemical sensitivities, but by the time I was a teen, I lived with bouts of sneezing and sinus problems and just went on. It wasn't too bad, but looking back on it now, I also had stomach aches, etc. but didn't associate it with allergies.

When I was pregnant with my first, we moved into a trailer that had fleas and roaches, so we
sprayed some powerful stuff that they later outlawed. I also painted the place.( Of course I knew not that I was hurting myself.) I was prone to breast infections and even had one that abcessed, so I took lots of antibiotics throughout my nursing years....

Hypoglycemia-type symptoms began to manifest themselves after several pregnancies, and after the death of my 4th baby who died of spinal meningitus, the "death-like" fatigue hit. Somehow by God's grace I made it through other difficult pregnancies and dizziness, hunger spells, weakness, fatigue, etc. I almost daily searched for answers and began knocking moldy foods, glutens, and fruits out of my diet. This helped for awhile, but later I started having panic attacks which I think now were caused by our van exhaust. After a bout with Lysol spray, I was dizzy for a month and a half and then could no longer eat any grains, dried beans, potatoes or other high carbohydrates. I lost weight and had trouble sleeping.

Still I didn't know that I had "Environmental Illness" and that I was a "universal reactor" with mercury poisoning, "leaky gut", hormone imbalance, parasites, and probably candida, although I suspected candida was part of my problem.

Down through the years I also had gas heat and pesticide exposures, and we also lived in two fairly new houses for awhile that had new carpet, pressboard, etc. And I've had lots of stress! Some of it was my own doing - like too high expectations of myself and my kids in our "homeschooling" ventures, but I also had an ADHD son (my diagnosis) and my husband was without a job for awhile, etc. Also our landlord who was letting us live in his house for free, let another family move in who highly persecuted me for awhile and had absolutely no compassion for me and my illness and my struggles.(We had to share the same kitchen and livingroom.)

After my miscarriage (9th pregnancy) in 1998, I had a severe reaction to a medication that I was taking. After that I had dysfunctional uterus, severe digestive problems, sleepless nights, chest pains, daily flu-like symptoms,etc. and full-blown MCS.

I was finally able to go to Dr. Rea's place in Dallas, and this is where I first really learned the terms E.I. and MCS....so I FINALLY had a diagnosis. By this time my nose had gone "bonkers", and I seemed to basically react to almost everything, it seemed. I read and read and was especially helped by reading Dr. Sherry Roger's book, "The E.I. Syndrome". I also found out about Share, Care, Prayer, which has been a blessing!

I have tried exercise, lots of herbs and supplements, and a little bit of sauna. I was pretty much "homebound" for years and even now to some extent (but not totally).I am doing somewhat better because of fresh air, etc.

I believe that meditating and living in the Psalms is helping to bring about a slow healing, by God's grace. I believe He has led me to some things that are helping me including olive leaf extract- East Park brand (which they say is a natural antibiotic that also kills parasites and candida and is suppose to help those with FM, I understand.) Plus I take a special probiotic, raw pancreas, Vit. C Crystals whenever I have "reactions", natural vitamins, etc., and natural bio-dentical hormones. I use to also take Formula FM, Immunepro, and trisalts.
.

My Testimony

2009-04-02T11:36:00.001-05:00

My Testimony - Written around 2000 or before.....

I was born into a Christian home, so the 10 commandments were well-known to me, and I came to understand that I was a sinner and deserving of God's wrath as a child. But I'm not sure I understood that not only did I DO bad things, but also that I had a very wicked HEART. I'm not sure I understood that the 10 commandments were much deeper and included also the thoughts and intents of the heart...Example:

1. Thou shalt have NO OTHER GODS before me. (money, sex, sports, music,etc.)

2. Thou shalt not make UNTO THEE any GRAVEN IMAGE. (statues of Mary and saints, pictures of Jesus, etc.)

3. Thou shalt not take the NAME of the Lord thy God IN VAIN. (taking the title of Christian, but not living like Christ; cursing, etc.)

4. Remember the SABBATH day, to keep it HOLY. (delighting and resting in God, too, etc.)

5. HONOR thy father and thy mother. (inward submission, not just
outward)

6. Thou shalt NOT KILL.(satisfying your selfish desires to the physical or emotional injury of others; hating others; abortion)

7. Thou shalt not commit ADULTERY (adultery in the heart and mind also)

8. Thou shalt not STEAL. (misusing God's gifts, including time and money;plagiarism, etc.)

9. Thou shalt not bear FALSE WITNESS against thy neighbor. (lying)

10. Thou shalt not COVET. (not being content with what God has given you;desiring what others have)

But in simple child-like faith, I think I could have sung this song:

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Oh, I was very, very bad,

And I made God so mad,

And I needed a great big spanking.

But Jesus came and died,

And shed his blood for me,

And now I can jump in God's arms!

Oh, I can jump in God's arms,

And He will make me good.

I can jump in God's arms,

'Cause Jesus took my spanking for me.

When I was sorry for my bad,

Jesus turned my sad to glad,

And now I am SAFE in God's arms!

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But I didn't always feel so sure that I was REALLY saved....and maybe I really wasn't until much later. Once I wrote these words:

Lord of Glory, Lord of Wrath and Justice..but also Lord of Love...Once my sins were black as night, and although I tried with all my might to experience Your peace, I had no peace BECAUSE I felt I must DO something to experience Your smile. But in YOUR TIME, You
bestowed on me the GIFT OF FAITH and the ASSURANCE to KNOW that Christ bore Your wrath for my sins that I might experience Your love. By Your grace I was enabled to
EXPERIENCE Your complete PEACE through these precious words of the song - "NOTHING in my hand I bring. Simply to thy cross I cling." From eternity past You had a promise
for me...these words form Jer. 29:11:

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of PEACE, and not of evil, to give you an EXPECTED END."(Salvation)

And because of this very special PROMISE to me, You gave me grace throughout my early years to keep on SEEKING...to keep on praying...to keep on searching for that peace that I knew only You could give. The promise is continued in verses 12-14:

"THEN shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto You. And ye shall seek me, and FIND ME,when ye shall SEARCH for me with all your heart. And I WILL BE FOUND OF YOU, saith the LORD: and I will turn away your CAPTIVITY...."

Through YOU, dear Jesus, I have an "admission ticket" to the Father. Faith in the precious blood is my ticket, and it is because of Your wonderful grace that I can "stand" before the Father saying, "NOTHING in my hand I bring. Simply to thy cross I cling" as I REJOICE and
SING.

"I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness..." (Is. 61:19)

Yes, I will rejoice and know that You will get the glory for my salvation..for salvation is OF THE LORD! And yes, CHRIST IN ME is my only hope!

God is slowly drawing me out of many "waters" like Ps. 18:6 says - the "waters" of earthly pleasures, passions, possessions, and position. Psalm 107 is really my testimony! I wandered around in the wilderness"of this world especially during my teen years looking for
POPULARITY and happiness in academic excellence and music. Then during my early marriage I looked for happiness in THINGS and in the joys of love and attention from my dear, sweet husband. Also the joys of dressing up and taking pictures of my sweet babies and watching their accomplishments, especially in academic excellence as I "homeschooled" them, had my heart. I was certainly "botching up" the REASON FOR MY EXISTENCE since there was so much pride and selfishness in my heart... and WANTING MY OWN WAY. Unfortunately, GOD was not my ALL SATISFYING TREASURE.

And then...over several years' time, my life was touched with calamity - a baby that died, a near nervous breakdown, financial disaster, persecution, chronic illness. My "soul fainted" in me! Nothing mattered anymore except to LIVE IN THE ARMS OF JESUS and to MEDITATE IN HIS WORD day and night! He is becoming my "city of habitation", my "secret dwelling and hiding place"! He is becoming my "TREASURE CHEST OF HOLY JOY"! (Term coined by Dr. John Piper)

Yes, one of my favorite verses is:

Psalm 18:28

For thou wilt LIGHT MY CANDLE: the LORD my God will ENLIGHTEN MY DARKNESS.

Yes, He has LIT my candle! In the midst of great sickness, He has "set me on fire" and made His Word my DELIGHT! I believe it is the thing that is keeping me alive!

HOW SWEET

ALL AT ONCE IT WAS FOR ME
to be rid of those fruitless joys
which I had once feared to lose!..
You drove them from me,
you who are the true,
the sovereign joy.

You drove them from me and took their place,
you who are sweeter than all pleasure...

O Lord my God, my Light, my Wealth,
and my Salvation.

Augustine
Confessions, IX, I.

This poem, too is special:

"We may wait till He explains,
Because we know that Jesus reigns."

It puzzles me; but, Lord, Thou understandest,
And wilt one day explain this crooked thing.
Meanwhile, I know that it has worked out Thy best-
Its very crookedness taught me to cling.

Thou hast fenced up my ways, made my paths crooked,
To keep my wand'ring eyes fixed on Thee,
To make me what I was not, humble, patient;
To draw my heart from earthly love to Thee.

So I will thank and praise Thee for his puzzle,
And trust where I cannot understand.
Rejoicing Thou dost hold me worth such testing,
I cling the closer to Thy guiding hand.

---F.E.M.I. from the book, "Streams in the Desert" by Mrs. Charles
E. Cowman Copyright 1925 by Cowman Publications, Inc. Used by
permission of Zondervan Publishing House.

To elaborate a little more on my illness and what God is teaching me through it - This illness is bringing me to a greater place of QUIETNESS and STILLNESS before God. Love, joy, peace, longsuffering, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance....Illness has been and still is God's "seed bed" for learning such things!True Christianity is a NARROW road, but a HAPPY one...It's a way of submission and self- denial...

We pray for submission, and God sends SUFFERINGS; for "we learn obedience by the things we suffer... "

---Selected From "Streams in the Desert" by Mrs. Cowman Copyright
1925 by Cowman Publications, Inc. Used by pemission of Zondervan
Publishing House.

I like Spurgeon's comments also:

"...sweetened with submission....What a reason for hushing every murmuring thought is the reflection, "because thou didst it"! It is his right to do as he wills, and he always wills to do that which is wisest and kindest:why should I then arraign his dealings? Nay, if it be indeed the Lord, let him do what seemeth him good."

"Silence from all repining did not prevent the voice of prayer, which must never cease. In all probability the Lord would grant the psalmist's petition, for he usually removes affliction when we are resigned to it; if we kiss the rod, our Father always burns it. When we are still, the rod is soon still..."

"Good pleas may be found in our weakness and distress. It is well to show our Father the bruises which his scourge has made, for peradventure his fatherly pity will bind his hands, and move him to comfort us in his bosom.It is not to consume us, but to consume our sins, that the Lord aims at in his chastisements."

Specifically, through this illness God has dealt with me concerning my "pet sins" - lack of submission and reverence to my husband, whining about how I feel, and fear.With this FM and MCS illness, which is a "sickness of the jumping symptoms", before I had an accurate diagnosis, it was especially difficult in the area of fear. Then at my sickest point so far, God finally brought me to a place where I was not afraid of death...This became my favorite song:

LOVE, COME QUICKLY

Love, come quickly, Love, my Love.

I saw the fire in your eyes.
I know I've done what You despise.
I spurned the love of Your grace,
Spit my hatred in Your face.
I sought the world for happiness,
Because I loved You not.

Love, come quickly, Love, my Love.

You reached down with Your arms of love,
And drew me to Your throne above.
You filled me with hope anew,
And washed me with a love for You.
I seek You now for happiness,
Because You loved me first.

Love, come quickly, Love, my Love.

I see You now as through a glass,
But someday I'll see You face to face.
My heart will bask in Your peace,
Leap with joy from sin's release.
My heart will swell with thankfulness.
To this world I'll be loathe to return.

Love, come quickly, Love, my Love.

The freedom of my body from earthly pain,
Will be nothing compared to the great gain,
Of having pride flee my breast.
Of having You wash me in humbleness,
For there's nothing good in me;
To Your blood I trustingly cling!

Love, come quickly, Love, my Love.

The glory of the pearly gates is dim,
Compared to the love I feel for Him.
The best thing about the heavenly place,
Is the One Who touched me with His grace.
If I am not His lover now,
I will not His lover be then!

Love, come quickly, Love, my Love.
Love, come quickly, Love.
-S.J.C.

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Testimony Letter - Written many years ago

Dear ____,

How true are those words, "Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created." (Rev. 4:11) Truly, "the chief end of man is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever"! To really know Him in a personal way - what joy! It is true, isn't it? "Unto you therefore which believe he is precious." (I Pet. 2:;;7a)
Oh, where shall I begin to tell the story of His love for me and how he called me to be a part of a "chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that (I) should shew forth the praises of him who called (me) out of darkness into his marvelous light.". (I Pet. 2:9)?

Now I don't know exactly when that day was fore me. Perhaps it was when I was a child, as I thought, or perhaps it was when the Lord called me to simple obedience through His Word in some things that I had not thought much about before. He worked in me grace to "will and to do of his good pleasure". (Phil. 2:13) And His will for me was modesty - long dresses and a head covering (I Cor. 11:1-16, Is. 47:1-3), a desire to be submissive, a willingness to give up a career and to stay at home to "school"my children and lead them to know Him, and (I Per. 3:1-6, Titus 2:4-5) a willingness to get rid of a lot of things in my life that did not honor Him - in reality, to change my while lifestyle! (Phil. 4:8;, I Cor. 10:31) I am nothing, but I praise Him for working these things in me!

Truly, "(I) love him, because he first loved (me)." (I Jn. 4:19) If it had been left to me, I never would have loved Him. Jesus said, "No man can come to me, except the father which hath sent me draw him..." (Jn. 6:44) and "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you.." (Jn. 15;16) I did not find Him. He found me! For I was not the one who was drowning in sin with a life preserver being offered to me of which I could lay hold and be saved. But rather, I was already dead - "dead in trespasses and sins" (Eph. 2:1) and God made me alive and gave me a new heart and the gift of faith (Eph. 2:8) and made me willing to trust Him in the day of His power. (Ps. 110:3) "For as many as were ordained to eternal life believed." (Acts 13:48) And how I praise the Lord for His goodness in sending someone to speak and write of the truth to me that I might be saved. How important it is for us to share this "Good News", too, for God uses this means to bring His sheep to Himself as Jn. 10:27 says, "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. (Jn. 10:27) Hallelujah!

The Lord has showed me that I had nothing to do with my natural birth or my spiritual birth. I was born, not of blood (family heritage), nor of the will of the flesh (good works), nor of the will of man (my will), but of God. (Jn. 1:13) "So then it is not of him that willeth (free will) nor of him that runneth (good works) but of God that sheweth mery." (Rom. 9:16) (Parentheses mine) Salvation is all of grace! Hallelujah! "Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost." (Titus 3:5) So then, "...by grace (I am) saved through faith; and that not of (myself): it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest (I) should boast." (Eph. 2:8-9) But I am "...his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hast before ordained that (I) should walk in them." (Eph. 2:10) So I will do good works by God's grace, not for my salvation, but because He gave me His love, and I want to glorify Him!

My hearts' desire is to go with Him all the way! And as I grow in my Christian walk, the Lord keeps pointing my sins out to me - my pride, my selfishness, my lack of true submission and self-control, my coldness of heart and lack of love for Him and others. And in fact, the more I grow in Him, the more I realize what a sinner I am and that my "heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked." (Jer.17:9) Not only do I do sinful things, but I still have that remaining sinful heart. I sin not only in action and in deed, but also in attitudes and thoughts. "To him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin." (James 4:17) How many things have I left undone that I should have done? Woe is me! But "Thanks be unto God which always causeth us to triumph in Christ." (II Cor. 2:14) - who gives us victory over sin and works in us more and more each day His holiness. "But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day." (Prov. 4:18)

God is such a holy and righteous God and I have offended Him. There is not hope for me apart from the blood sacrifice of Jesus Christ, His only Son. I am thankful for the verse that says, "All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out." (Jn. 6:37) How thankful I am, too, that He died for His sheep (Jn. 10:15), and that I am his little sheep, not because of any good thing in me or in anything He knew I would become )because all of m "righteousnesses are as filthy rags" (Is. 64:6), but because of His sovereign love for me before the foundation of the world. (Eph. 1:4-5) He covered me in His love and paid the penalty for my awful sin. Hallelujah!

I use to be a very fearful person, and still I struggle with this at times, but I use to be very afraid of bridges and other such things which might lead to an immediate death. I was always afraid that perhaps I was not truly saved - that perhaps I might be irritated with my children or something and then immediately die without having time to confess that sin. I wondered, "Would I really go to heaven or not?" But God gave me assurance several years ago and especially through my 13 month old baby's death, that it is not what I do that saves me. It id what Jesus has done! Praise the Lord! When I stand before God Almighty in that day, I will have to fall before Him and plead the blood of Jesus. He is my only hope! 'Nothing in my hand I bring. Simply to Thy cross I cling" will be my prayer.

How thankful I am, also, for God's promise that He gives me "eternal life; and (I) shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck (me) out of (His) hand. (Jn. 10:28) "For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of His Son,t hat he might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified." (Rom. 8:30-31) If I am truly justified, then I will be glorified. Yes, and "he that (began) a good work in (me) will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." (Phil. 1:6) "To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for (me) who am kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. (I Pet. 1:4-5) All the way through my Christian life, He will lead me. I praise the Lord that He is the "author and finisher" of my faith"! (Heb. 12:2) He shall keep me for I would fall away for sure if it were not for His sovereign grace and mercy and His promise to keep me! And yet I know that I must always be on guard for there are many who think they are Christians and are not, but who will apostasize as I Jn. 2:13 indicates. "They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us." "Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven." (Matt.7:21) And so my prayer is, "O Lord, show me thy will and give me grace to obey, for I long to be holy like Thee."

"Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss of the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ. And be found in Him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith: That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection , and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto this death." (Phil. 3:8-10)

Now, I've shared my testimony and thoughts with you and what the Lord has taught me. Can you say a hearty "Amen"? I'd love to hear how the Lord has blessed you with His love, too! Please write!

In His Sovereign Grace and Love,
Sherry

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His Love - by Mark Webb

O the wonder of wonders - That God should love me!
Love a sinner so guilty, so vile and unclean!
To love the unlovely, how can it be done?
'Tis only in Jesus, through His blessed Son!

Long before I ever knew Him, my Lord first knew me;
Before I ever sought Him, my Lord first sought me;
When I was in darkness, His sworn enemy,
He purchased my pardon on Calvary's tree!

His love is a mountain that I cannot scale!
As wide as the ocean that I cannot sail!
I'll never lay hold of, my mind fully see,
This love that in mercy, first laid hold of me!

Not that I first did choose Him, for that could not be!
Still this heart would refuse Him had he left it to me-
I'd still fight that battle which no man can win,
I'd still bar the heart's-door that letteth Him in!

-----------------------
I Sought the Lord - Author unknown

I sought the Lord, and afterward I knew
He moved my soul to seek him, seeking me;
It was not I that found, O Savior true,
No, I was found of thee.

Though didst reach forth thy hand and mine enfold;
I walked and sank not on the storm-vexed sea,
"Twas not so much that I on thee took hold,
As thou, dear Lord, on me.

I find, I walk, I love, but O the whole
Of love is but an answer, Lord, to thee;
For thou wert long before-hand with my soul,
Always thou lovedst me.

Letter From Psalm 20:1a

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I'll start with a letter I wrote from Psalm 20! It contains an overview and some excerpts from my prayer diary. It will take several posts to get through the Psalm because I will take just a verse or two a day. Then I will start at the beginning of my "book" with some of my writings of the summer of 1997.:)

Dear friend,

I don't know you yet, but I'd like to get to know you! You are my friend because we have something in common- chronic illness! Psalm 20 is my prayer for you today!

Psalm 20

1a The LORD hear thee in the day of trouble!

The DAY OF TROUBLE? Ah, are you there? I've been there! Still am, but I praise my Jehovah-Rapha, my LOVE who HEALS, that the "darkness" is not quite as dark as it was before and that He has given me a "DAY OF HOPE"! I pray for you that He shall hear you, also, in your Day of Trouble"!

Is. 50:10a says, Who is among you that :1) feareth the LORD,

that: 2)obeyeth the voice of his servant

(Christ)

that: 3) walketh in DARKNESS, and hath NO LIGHT...?"

DARKNESS...endless "NIGHT OF SICKNESS"..NO HOPE?

Here is the answer for those who fear the LORD and obey his voice-for those whose hearts hold no iniquity because their trangressions have been covered by the blood of Christ-for those who by grace and by His power are empowered to keep His commandments out of love-

IF he walks in DARKNESS with NO LIGHT,

"Let him trust in the NAME of the LORD and STAY upon his God."(Is.
50:10b)

Ah, what name? God has many names:

Elohim-"My Creator"

El Elyon-"Sovereign Ruler of My Life"

El Shaddai-"My Security"

Jehovah-Jireh-"My Provider'

JEHOVAH- "MY GOD WHO HEALS"!

Trusting in His NAME...Knowing His character...REMEMBERING what He has done for you and others in the past...Such gives HOPE!... (I hope to share my testimonies on the names of God and how He has met me in each of these ways sometime.:))

"Stay" can mean "to support one's self...lean...rest"

I am "broken"..and are you so, TOO, my friend? LEANING hard upon the Saviour, supported by His strength, and RESTING in His arms of love...Ah, this is the only way to survive, isn't it?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Excerpts from my prayer diary, summer and fall 1999-

Ps. 63:1

O God, thou art my God: early will I seek thee, my soul thirsteth for thee; my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is.

Yes, Thou art my God, and I am Your little, broken, bleeding lamb hiding my face in Your bosom this morning. Everyday I say, "Jesus, Lover of my soul, let me to thy bosom fly!"...I am thirsty for you! I want YOU!...

"O WALL of the daughter of Zion, LET TEARS RUN DOWN LIKE A RIVER DAY AND NIGHT: give thyself no rest; let not the apple of thine eye cease." (Lam.2:18)

Lord, You are my "wall", and I am the "apple" of Your eye...Tears ARE running down Your cheeks like a river day and night, aren't they, Lord? I am Your beloved, hurting child, the "apple" of Your eye, and just as a mother would go running out with great emotion and tears
streaming down her face to pick up and hold close to her breast her unconscious, bleeding child who had been hit by a truck, so YOU are holding and weeping for the "broken" ME!

Lord, sometimes my discomfort and fatigue is so great that just about all I can manage to say is "Baa-aa!" I am Your little lamb, and Your arms are my place of refuge!

Love in Christ,

Psalm 20:1b

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Psalm 20

1b the name of the God of Jacob defend thee.

May the darts of the "enemy" have no way to reach you today as you RUN into the NAME..JEHOVAH-RAPHA!

"The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe." (Prov. 18:10)

Yes, may the NAME of the God of Jacob-JEHOVAH-RAPHA defend thee, my ill friend! I'll share another diary excerpt here that I wrote in Sept. 1999 that I pray will bring thee HOPE!

Psalm 130:6

My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning.

You know how many times I've sung this Psalm with all my heart, Lord, and especially these last two verses. I well remember the freezing cold morning of Feb. 10, 1988 and my trip at dawn to the little cemetary where our precious little one was laid to rest not quite a year before. My heart was filled with great anticipation and hope- for my fifth labor had just begun, and I longed for Timothy, too, to know that he would soon have a little brother or sister. What emotion You shared with me that morning as I burst forth in song when the
eastern sky broke forth in dazzling pinks and oranges. The sun broke forth above the hills as I WAITED for our little one's arrival, and I sang:

Psalm 130: 5-6

I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope. My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning.

As I have walked up and down the dry creekbed recently through the fallen leaves , I have sung these same words. And as I look out my dreary window this morning at the seeming endless drizzle, I sing this song as I wait for the sun to show forth again in brightness. Yes, I WAIT...I WAIT.. I WAIT for You, Lord, more than they that watch for the morning! It is "NIGHT"....My illness is "heavy" upon me...and things seem very DRIZZLY and DARK! I WAIT...I WAIT... I WAIT for You, O Lord, to bring the "sunshine" again into my life! And while I WAIT, I remember another song, a song which cheered my heart and gave me HOPE in the "NIGHTTIME" of my life after my little toddler died of spinal meningitis-

`Psalm 42:8

Yet the LORD will command his lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night his SONG shall be with me, and my prayer unto the God of my life.

In the "NIGHT" Your SONG WAS with me! And the promise is to me again! Thank-You, Lord!

Yes, I am now in the "NIGHT" again, a "long night of sickness" that really began around the time that Timothy died. Although the "night" seems to be growing darker and darker, Your song, Psalm 130, brings hope to my heart again today. Your song is WITH ME!

Lamentations 2: 24-26

The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope IN HIM. The LORD is good unto them that WAIT FOR HIM, to the soul that seeketh him. It is good that a man should both HOPE and QUIETLY WAIT for the salvation of the LORD.

May God BLESS You!

Love in Christ,

Psalm 20:2

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Continuing in Psalm 20 -

2 Send thee HELP from the SANCTUARY, and STRENGTHEN thee out of ZION.

I pray today that God shall send thee HELP! Practically speaking we sometimes feel so poorly that we can't go out and shop or cook or clean or take care of little ones. Perhaps you need HELP today. My prayer for you today is that the Lord will send thee practical HELP...Also I pray that He shall send thee financial HELP if you need it so that you can get the supple-
ments and medicines that you need or another house without gas or mold or carpet or what- ever. I've been HERE, too, and it's a desperate feeling to know that you will feel worse if the money doesn't come in. Yes, and may the Lord send HELP by giving you the "answers" - "the pieces of the puzzle" for better health. May He also give you an understanding friend if you are without one. I will try to "fill that bill" if you wish. But most importantly, may He send you HELP from the SANCTUARY..His sanctuary- the place of HOLINESS. May He fill you with HIMSELF...with purity and holiness. May He be to you a *"TREASURE CHEST OF HOLY JOY"-Your one true DELIGHT!

Perhaps you have also prayed this prayer from the bottom of your heart many times like I have-

"Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I DESIRE beside THEE. My flesh and my heart FAILETH: but GOD is the STRENGTH of my heart, and my PORTION for ever." (Ps. 73:25-26)

I have prayed to God that He would purify and cleanse me, and I believe He intensified my sickness in answer to my prayer. There is still so much sin and selfishness left in me, but my prayer is that He will send HELP from His SANCTUARY-His HOLY PLACE and "bathe me" in
His HOLINESS. My prayer is the same for you, my friend!

Two sets of tapes which have rejoiced my heart so much are the "Hope in God" series and "Called to Suffer and Rejoice." Both sets of tapes can be had by calling 1-888-DGM-4700 or by visiting www.desiringGod.org I have literally "bathed my mind" in Dr. John Piper's early sermons, and it has changed my life!

The word "strengthen" means to "support:-comfort..." COMFORT...This is my prayer for you today, too, my friend...that Christ will send you COMFORT as He has done for me.

Here is another of my prayer diary excerpts for Sept. 1999, dealing with comfort--

"...With great roarings (Ps. 22:1) You died for me, with great groanings in the spirit You wept with Mary and Martha when Lazarus died, (Jn. 11: 33, 35), and with great emotion You are crying now with me here, too. You FEEL MY INFIRMITIES (Heb.4:15), and You have
COMPASSION-for You also were "compassed with infirmity" as Heb. 5:2 says. It's interesting that the Greek word for "infirmity" can mean "feebleness (of body or mind)...sickness, weakness." Could it be that You, dear Jesus, had a bodily weakness like mine that was never
recorded in Scripture???You WERE a "man of sorrows and acquainted with grief" (Is. 53:3)...Yes, You FEEL my seemingly increasing INFIRMITIES and WEEP for me! You FEEL my distress at not being able to do anything about making my environment less toxic! Surely You FEEL my "PRISON" of pain! As I cry, You also weep bitter tears and demonstrate Your great and mighty LOVE! Thank-You, Lord, for Your wonderful comfort!

Yes, and God will strengthen us out of ZION. Zion is the church, and the true church of God is made up of all His little sheep who KNOW HIM in truth. What a blessing it has been for me to hear from other "hurting sheep" who have gone before. Their words have been a
STRENGTH to ME!...I am reminded of Cindy Duering's song- "...To live another day in the FULLNESS of GOD!" What a blessing Cindy's songs have been to me! Her testimony lives on even though the pesticide exposures finally took her HOME! And others who share their "meditations" from the Word of God are a "strength" to me, too!

Well, my friend, my song that I wish I could SING for you today is Psalm 20. You can't hear my tune because we are separated by miles, but as I go to my field and sing, know that I will be singing it for you! (Now you can hear it http://www.youtube.com/pilgrimhymns#p/c/4C49CD88256047C4/36/KhBlld4nU3o

Love in Christ,

*Termed by Dr. Piper

Psalm 20:3

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Psalm 20:3

Remember all thy offerings, and accept thy burnt sacrifice; Selah.

The Lord hear thee...the Lord send thee help...the Lord remember all thy offerings...

Since I've been studying with Dr. John Piper in Galations, the first thing that came to my mind when I meditated on this verse was that no amount of my offerings or sacrifices for others and for the Lord can procure any FAVOR with God. I couldn't even give MYSELF to Him until He gave me a NEW HEART. For I was once cold and DEAD with a "heart of
stone". Christ's shed blood is my only hope for salvation...for sanctification...for help...for healing.

Hallelujah! My sins are forgiven, and no more shall I sin...I am healed, and my diseases are gone...because of the blood of Christ. I do not totally see or experience it yet, but it is TRUE by faith in God's Word. Total healing may not come till I reach heaven just as sin will not be entirely gone till then...but I have much hope that I shall at least be better-just as Christ is slowly sanctifying me.

No...offerings and sacrifices will not procure FAVOR with God, yet He records and DELIGHTS IN the expressions of our love! If we are His children, He accepts our sacrifices of JOY and PRAISE and THANKSGIVNG. I don't know about you, but I find this difficult-yet by
God's grace I am learning. This is probably one of the reasons why God has allowed my sickness-to teach me THANKFULNESS. Perhaps you can relate to my prayer diary entry of Aug. 1999-

O LORD, thank-You, thank-You, THANK-YOU for these wonderful comforts that we use to take for granted! The warm shower is so nice for our tired, aching muscles; the comfortable bed and soft pillows are such a blessing for our weary, sleep-deprived bodies! And I must add,thank- You for the fan gently blowing on me as I rest here. It takes the "edge" off of the heat and noise in this heat-soaked trailer. Yes, thank-You, Lord!...In Jesus' name. Amen!

I am reminded of Heb. 13:16 also when I think of the word "sacrifice"-

"But to do good and to COMMUNICATE forget not! For with such SACRIFICES God is WELL PLEASED."

God is happy when His saints communicate and fellowship with one another around the Word of God!

I have often thought of Rom. 12:1, too-

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a LIVING SACRIFICE...",

And I have wanted to cry out, "But LORD, I'm not a LIVING sacrifice. I'm a DYING sacrifice." At least that's how I feel. I'm sure you can probably relate at times. Yet...we are still living, and our motto should be "For me to live is CHRIST, and to die is GAIN." (Phil.1:21)

The word "accept" means "to reduce to ashes". If I sacrifice and reduce myself to ugly ashes apart from Christ, it avails me NOTHING. It cannot appease an angry God who abhors sin, for I am full of sin and cannot do one thing on my own to please God. But if I sacrifice
myself to Him with "Christ in me, the hope of Glory" whose perfect, holy blood has been poured out to appease His wrath for me, I am ACCEPTED as His BELOVED and "reduced to beautiful ashes."

According to Young's Concordance, a "burnt sacrifice" is "that which goes up"! ...May our thoughts and prayers go up to God...May our praise GO UP to God...May we Go UP to God someday with great anticipation! Even now may our DELIGHTS be IN HIM that many will view Him as BIG and WONDERFUL, and may we bring Him Great JOY! Amen!

Psalm 20:4

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Hello again! Hope the "beauty" of the Lord is upon you today! Hope you are having a good day! Shall I continue meditating with you through Psalm 20? It has been so much "fun" for me! I hope you are receiving a BLESSING, too! :)

Psalm 20

4 Grant thee according to thine own heart, and fulfill all thy counsel.

Yes, may the Lord grant thee thy HEART'S DESIRE! And what is thy heart's desire?

"One thing have I DESIRED of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may DWELL IN THE HOUSE OF THE LORD all the days of my life, to BEHOLD THE BEAUTY OF THE LORD, and to enquire in his temple." (Ps. 27:4)

In other words, the longing to live in His PRESENCE each day...Ah...this is my DESIRE! And His promise to me is that I shall have this desire of my heart if I DELIGHT myself in Him. Psalm 37:4 says,

"DELIGHT THYSELF also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart!

But..how will the DELIGHT come? Through meditating in His Word!

"Blessed...HAPPY is the man...whose DELIGHT (or happiness) is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he MEDITATE day and night."
(Ps.1:1-2)

Yes, my cry to God is:

"Unless thy law had been my DELIGHTS, I should then have perished in mine affliction." (Ps. 119:92)

Meditating in God's Word in the midst of illness is the only thing that keeps me sane! Ah...can you relate?

I love these words, and they are my prayer along with this prayer diary entry I made in the summer of 1997:

"Remember the WORD unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope. This is my COMFORT in my affliction: for thy WORD hath quickened me."(Ps. 119:49-50)

Diary entry based on Deut. 8:2-3:

Surely You have "humbled me" and "suffered me to hunger after YOU. And...You have "fed me with manna"...Yes, Lord, indeed You have made me know that man doth not live by bread only, "but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of the Lord." If I have You and Your word, I have EVERYTHING. I do not NEED health, but I do need YOU! You are precious, and Your Word is my DELIGHT! Hold me in Your arms forever. You are all I really need! In Jesus' name, Amen.

Yes, my friend, may the Lord grant thee thy HEART'S DESIRE! "May he keep Your heart HAPPY IN GOD"!* and may He also fulfill all thy counsel!

The word"counsel" can mean "PURPOSE". May He fulfill thy PURPOSE for living! And what is our PURPOSE for living?

*"The chief end of man is to GLORIFY GOD BY ENJOYING HIM FOREVER!"*

*"God is most glorified in us when we are most SATISFIED in Him."*

In meditating on my purpose for living with environmental illness, I wrote in Oct. 1999:

"...the eyes of your understanding being ENLIGHTENED; that ye may KNOW what is the hope of his CALLING..."(Eph. 1:18)

"For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps!" (I Pet. 2:21)

The more I LOOK to You, Lord, the more I will know and understand Your calling on my life. Indeed I do have a CALLING on my life! Even before I was born there was a special CALLING from You to SUFFER TODAY! I was CALLED to FOLLOW IN YOUR STEPS of suffering! Piper says, "God intends for the afflictions of Christ to be PRESENTED to the world through the afflictions of His people...") Indeed I am part of a "chosen generation", and the reason for my suffering is that I "should shew forth (Your) praises" (From I Pet. 2:9) Herein lies my
peace and purpose for living! You have enlightened the eyes of my understanding a little, and someday I shall know all the reasons WHY...this I know-if there were no suffering here below, heaven would not be as glorious as it shall be... and to the degree I suffer here, for me heaven shall be brighter! The more I suffer...the greater my sufferings-the more I long for heaven, my HOME. Amen!

*Quotes by Piper Used with permission.

Psalm 20:5a

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Psalm 20:5a

5a We will rejoice in thy salvation,

"Yes, we will REJOICE in thy SALVATION, Lord! The word "REJOICE" reminds me of a prayer diary entry I made in Aug. 1999 when I was meditating on Zephaniah 3:14-17. Here it is:

Zephaniah 3:14-17

14 SING, O DAUGHTER OF ZION; SHOUT, O ISRAEL; BE GLAD AND REJOICE WITH ALL THE HEART, O DAUGHTER OF JERUSALEM.

Lord, by thy grace I am a daughter of Zion, a daughter of Jerusalem, and Your admonition to me this morning is to SING and SHOUT...SING and SHOUT...SING and SHOUT! So by Your grace, I shall go outside under the cool shade of the trees and do just that. I know a tune to
verse 17, and I shall sing and shout it for all the birdies and for You to hear...Yes, I am to be glad and to rejoice, but I see here that my HEART attitude is important. May I sing and shout for YOUR GLORY, for YOUR PRAISE...wholeheartedly!

15 THE LORD HATH TAKEN AWAY THY JUDGMENTS, HE HATH CAST OUT THINE ENEMY: THE KING OF ISRAEL, EVEN THE LORD, IS IN THE MIDST OF THEE: THOU SHALT NOT SEE EVIL ANYMORE.

And why do I sing and shout? Why am I so happy today? Because there is no longer a "death sentence" hanging over my head, and my sin has been taken away. The devil has been DEFEATED, and he can no longer really hurt me because YOU are here in me, Lord FOREVER in my midst and in my heart! Yes...HAPPINESS forever is on the way!!! All
adversity, affliction, misery, sin, sorrow, trouble, SICKNESS is soon to be "crossed out" - BANISHED forever, and there will be no more fear! Hallelujah!

16 IN THAT DAY IT SHALL BE SAID TO JERUSALEM, FEAR THOU NOT: AND TO ZION, LET NOT THINE HANDS BE SLACK.

During these days as I encounter a FLARE in my illness and a "scary" thought that I may be getting WORSE, I believe You are telling me through this verse to be STILL before you - to WAIT on You without fear - to be willing to suffer even more, and yet to "let not my
hands be slack" in trying new things whenever You give me the "word" and ability to do so. Today I will wait and SING...FOR:

17 THE LORD THY GOD IN THE MIDST OF THEE IS MIGHTY; HE WILL SAVE, HE WILL REJOICE OVER THEE WITH JOY; HE WILL REST IN HIS LOVE, HE WILL JOY OVER THEE WITH SINGING.

Yes, my song today is:

O LORD my God in the midst of me,
You are mighty, and YOU will save!
You will rejoice over me with joy!
You will rest in Your love!
You will joy over me with singing!

Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically, You will save! Someday I shall be entirely well and whole! Hallelujah! And Your special promise to me today is that You are REJOICING over me! Yes, You are an emotional God, and as I sing and dance alone before You and the birdies here under the trees with my hands uplifted to You, I can just "hear" You singing, too, and Your song to me is:

I am the Lord Your God in the midst of thee.
I am mighty, and I will save!
I will rejoice over Thee with joy!
I will rest in my love!
I will joy over thee with singing!

Yes, You will rejoice and sing, but You will also "rest" in Your love. The original denotes "silence". You will rejoice with me in SINGING, and You will also rejoice with me in SILENCE. As I stop my singing and dancing, may I rest in Your "silence", too, and meditate
on Your finished work on the cross for me. This is why You can "rest", and may I also REST IN YOUR LOVE - knowing that I am FOREVER YOURS! You sing with me...You cry with me...and now You sit in quietness with me! Thank-You, Lord, for Your Almighty LOVE! And in the stillness of this moment, I can hear You singing to me once again with JOY -

My little lamb, my precious, my Love,
I died just for You...I love you so!
Today I JOY with thee in SINGING
That my love forever you shall KNOW!
Thank-You, Lord, for Your beautiful PROMISES! Amen!

Psalm 20:5b and c

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Psalm 20:5b and c

5b and in the name of our God we will set up our banners:"(Lord)...

Thou hast shewed thy people HARD THINGS...thou hast given a BANNER to them that fear thee, that it may be DISPLAYED because of the truth. Selah." (Ps. 60:3a,4)

Banners flying high...flags...TESTIMONIES of what God has done for us! Let's CELEBRATE and share His goodness! I'd love to hear what the Lord has done for you, my friend, if the Lord prompts you to share...and I will be happy to share my life and more of who I am and
what God has done for me through "testimony prayers" on the NAMES of God ...starting tomorrow! :)

Proverbs 18: 10

The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe.

The picture I have here in my mind, Lord, is a high tower with flags flying everywhere! The flags say:

Elohim-My Creator,

El Elyon-Sovereign Ruler of My Life,

El Roi-My God Who Sees,

El Shaddai-My Security,

Adonai-My Lord and Master,

Jehovah-My Source of Life,

Jehovah-Jireh--My Provider,

Jehovah Nissi-My "Banner to Overcome Sin,

Jehovah M'Kaddesh-My Sanctification.

I want to be SAFE, Lord, so I will run to Your TOWER... and the tower is Your NAME. Lord, as Your Almighty character is revealed to us through Your many NAMES, let us rejoice in Your salvation and KNOW that You WILL fulfill all of our petitions in accordance with Your
Word. In Your NAME, O Lord, we will set up our "banners" - TESTIMONIES! And may the testimonies of what You have done in our lives help others to "run" into Your NAME and there find safety also! In Jesus' name, Amen!

5c The LORD fulfil all thy petitions.

I long to write my testimony someday also on Psalm 30-"Jehovah-Rapha, My God Who Heals". I'm sure you could probably voice the same thing. The LORD fulfil all thy petitions, my friend-even this one! Amen!

Love in Christ,

Elohim

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These "Names of God Testimonies" were written in the summer of 1997.

Elohim, the three in one God, the mighty and strong, faithful One, You are the Creator of the whole world and all things therein, and You are MY Creator.

Psalm 139: 13-17

"For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb."

You have created me. All my internal organs, as well as my mind, were created by You. I am Yours - body, soul, and spirit - for You have made me.

" I will praise Thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."

Yes, Lord, I praise You and bow in reverence before You. When I looked up the words "wonderfully" and "marvelous" in Strong's, they seem to imply a "distinguishing" and a "separateness". Yes, Lord, I am one of Your many "miracles", and I am set apart as a totally
unique person. I am "one of a kind". When I stop and think about this, Lord, it makes me feel very special!

"My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth,"

Yes, I was "made" in secret, Lord. Nobody but You knew the exact moment of my beginning, not even my mother and father. Indeed, it was all done in SECRET by Your Almighty power! You prepared that special "hiding place" for me in my mother's womb, and You covered
and protected me there in Your love. O the "mother love" that wells up within my heart as I think of each of the dear, little ones that You have in the past planted secretly within MY womb. I thank You for them, Lord.

"Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them."

Wow, Lord! Through the process of time, while I was in my mother's womb, You molded me into a form with special characteristics, unlike any other person in the world. My "members" were "written" - described and prescribed by You! O Lord, I must stop and accept Your
sovereignty in my life. You prescribed my physical weaknesses and my temperament. We have all been born with various things we didn't like about ourselves. Surely You are sovereign, O God, and each thing You have "marked" us with was and is for our good and for Your glory! I must stop and consider my weak constitution and disposition towards allergies which I have had all my life. It was Your PLAN for ME. May I accept Your sovereign hand in my life.

Lord, I must stop and really meditate on all of this. Surely Your "finger" is upon me today. If You have made me a "unique" individual, surely You have done this same thing with my precious husband and each of my children. Lord, why am I always trying to "clone" them? Please give me grace to allow them to be who they are because You made them the way they are! Amen!

El Elyon

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Written summer 1997-

And all the inhabitants of the earth are reputed as nothing; and he doeth according to his will in the army of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth, and none can stay his hand or say unto him, What doest thou?" (Dan. 4:35)

El Elyon, the Strongest Strong One, the Possessor of heaven and earth, the Sovereign Ruler of the universe -- You are also the sovereign ruler of MY LIFE, and I am always comforted to "..know that ALL things work together for GOOD to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren." (Rom. 8: 28-29) Hallelujah! Yes, Lord,EVERYTHING that comes into my life is for my
GOOD! It is for my good, and You are using it in my life to conform me to the image of Your son--to make me more like Christ. Ah...yes, Lord, as I bow before You today, my eyes are heavy and my body aches. I feel so tired and my immune system must be all messed up.
I feel as if I just can't go on till I can sleep some more! Lord, You know! I just didn't get enough sleep for my body last night. It was not my fault. I could do nothing about it. But this morning You are telling me " ALL THINGS work together for GOOD." Surely You have
allowed it to further teach me to be joyful in afflictions and not to murmur and complain. O Lord, You know the struggle I have with this. Please work Your perfect work in me!

Yes, Lord, there are SO MANY things that happen to us daily that we often are tempted to ask "Why?" and fret or be depressed..."Why the broken water pipe? Why the problems with this particular child? Why this sickness? Why did my husband make this decision?"...ALL THINGS work together for GOOD!..." Please "anchor" this in my heart, Lord, and let me know that because I am Your child, EVERYTHING that happens to me is for my GOOD! Thank You, Lord! You are my El Elyon!

In Jesus' name. Amen!

El Roi

2009-04-02T11:30:00.001-05:00

Written summer 1997-

El Roi, You are the "God Who Sees". Hagar was dealt with harshly by Sarai, and she fled from her into the wilderness. Hagar was used and abused. She was extremely hurt, but You told her to return and to submit. She said, "Thou God seest me." Yes, You see, and You make things right. May I hold no bitterness in my heart against those who have hurt me. May I know and experience Your forgiveness in my life, and by Your grace, may I be able to forgive.

Yes, El Roi, You are the God who sees all of my hurts and tribulations, persecutions and trials. But You are also the God who sees all of MY secret sins, too. You see and "..(know) the secrets of (my ) heart." (Ps. 44:21b) "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (Ps. 139:23-24)

You are also the God who sees and watches over me and my husband and our precious children. May Your eye always be on us in protection. You also tell me in Ps. 32:8 that you will "instruct" me and "teach" me in the "way which (I should) go", and You said that You
will "guide" me with Your EYE. Yes, Lord, as You watch over us in everything we do, guide and advise us with Your EYE just as a godly parent directs his children with his eyes and facial expressions and keeps them from doing wrong. May I remember to watch over my children in this way. Thou art the God who sees, and may I be the parent who sees as You would have me to. In Jesus' name. Amen!

El Shaddai

2009-04-02T11:29:00.001-05:00

Written summer 1997-

El Shaddai, thou art my "all Sufficient One" and the One who chastens me in order to make me fruitful! You are my complete security, and as I fall upon Your breast, I know that You will hold me in Your arms of love - no matter what - for always and for all time! "How
excellent is thy loving kindness, O God! therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings." (PS. 36:7) Lord..."Who have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever." (Ps. 73: 25-26) Thou art my "heavenly husband"! (Is. 54:5) Surely, Lord, You will continue to take care of me and protect me there in Your arms of
love. You have done it so many times - through little Timothy's death, through the pregnancies and labor and delivery of my eight precious children and my miscarriage, through hospital episodes with the kids, through our severe financial difficulties, through times of loneliness when we were all alone without fellowship, through persecution and slander from those we love, through difficulties with the children, through physical weakness and sickness, through times when I've had to trust my dear husband's judgments as I trust in You! In all these things, You have HELD ME IN YOUR WONDERFUL ARMS OF LOVE!

As I write this, Lord, I am reminded of the severe carbohydrate intolerance I seem to have and how I've had dizzy/spacey spells, tachycardia, anxiety attacks, weakness, etc. because of it and how I was so sick right before You sent this last sweet baby to us. You know, Lord, how I bowed myself in the field and surrendered my life to You and said in my heart "...so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death. For to me to live is
Christ, and to die is gain." Dear El Shaddai, You held me close in Your arms of love and saw me and precious, baby Autumn Patience safely through! I praise Your name!

Lord, may I give up my OWN WILL that Your POWER might rest upon me! "If (I) have everything but (You), (I) have NOTHING! If (I) have nothing but (You), (I) have EVERYTHING!" Lord, I want "to KNOW (Your) love which passeth knowledge, that (I) might be filled with all (Your) FULLNESS..." (Eph.3:19) as I rest in Your Almighty arms of love and security. In Jesus' name. Amen!

Adonai

2009-04-02T11:28:00.002-05:00

Written summer 1997-

"That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the LORD Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation"|." (Rom. 10:9-10)

Yes, Lord, You are ADONAI, my Lord and Master! Salvation came to me when I confessed and gave testimony that You were my LORD! You have a right to rule me and to determine my life and how I am to live it. You are my master, and I am Your servant. TRUE SALVATION can come in no other way!

O Lord, how difficult it is at times to SURRENDER. As I walk this "narrow-path" that You have put me on, You have from time to time asked me to place various things upon the altar before You. SURRENDER to Your LORDSHIP is a very hard thing, but what a BLESSING
there is in it!

Dear Lord Jesus, Adonai, You and I both will remember the things I have had to FACE HEAD ON and surrender my heart to since I have been Your child. Oh the fightings within my heart as a little girl when You asked me if I would be WILLING to be a missionary for You. How I
hated the idea, and how miserable I was until I surrendered and said, "Yes, Lord, I will do it - if this is what You want for my life." Although I have so far never actually been a missionary in the normal sense of the term, the thought of it has delighted my heart (and my dear husband's too- for that has been his desire for quite some time), and I have, by Your grace, surrendered my children to this end if it is Your will. My heart would rejoice if some of
our "arrows" would be shot forth as missionaries! I would yet love to fulfill my husband's desire, also, in this direction, if You would but open up the doors for such ministry. In the meantime, may I delight in ministry HERE - right where you've place me!

Yes, You are my Adonai! There have also been many other things which You have called me to surrender throughout the years including dress, music, lifestyle... I'm sure You deal with every person differently, and everyone has certain "things" that have a "HOLD" on their hearts that You want them to SURRENDER upon Your altar....

As You know, Lord, one of the hardest things I've had to deal with is pride in my heart in several things concerning my children. My ideas of education and the desire for my children to be "academically excellent" and ahead of everyone else their own age used to be an
idol in my heart, as well as other things. Also You have showed me recently that I have a horrible, controlling spirit. I want to SURRENDER this to You, also. O Lord, please forgive me....

The hardest thing You have asked me to surrender, Lord, was baby Timothy - 13 months old. At his death, my heart broke in ten million pieces, but he is Yours, Lord! All the rest of my children and my dear husband are Yours, too. Please watch over and take care of them; bless them abundantly; save and sanctify each one of them! Help them to love You and Your Word even more than I do! I love them, Lord...but they are Yours!

I love You, Lord! Make my love stronger and yet more REAL that I might be TOTALLY SURRENDERED to You in ALL THINGS, and may I not hesitate to give You whatever You may ask for in the future. You are my Lord and Master, my Adonai, and only as I surrender to You will I know You also as my El Shaddai! In Jesus' name. Amen!

Jehovah

2009-04-02T11:28:00.001-05:00

Written summer 1997-

Jehovah, You are my personal God, and I love You! May my love grow more and more as I seek to understand who You are. Your personal name is Jehovah which means "(the)self-Existent or Eternal". "Moses said unto (You), Behold, when I come unto the children of Israel and shall say unto them, the God of Your fathers hath sent me unto you; and they shall say to me, What is his name? what shall I say unto them?: (You) said unto Moses, "I Am That I am"! (Ex. 3:13-14a) What an awesome thought! I can remember as a little girl meditating on
Your ALWAYS BEING alive. It was and IS still so "mind boggling" to meditate on this! You had NO BEGINNING! You have ALWAYS existed! O Jehovah God, thou art the Supreme - the highest and greatest in authority...sovereign...because You were here before anything else
was. You are Almighty, All powerful, All holy, and ...Are there really any words to describe who You are?

Strong's Concordance says "name" can mean "as a mark or memorial of individuality;. by impl. honor, authority,character.." Yes, Jehovah Lord, You have complete "individuality". There is absolutely nothing or no one like You! You have the HIGHEST honor, authority, and the BEST, MOST PERFECT character of anyone or anything!

You also said to Moses, "...There is my name for ever, and this is my memorial unto all generations." (Ex. 2:15b) Lord Jehovah, may Your name, Jehovah, be a special memento and keepsake to me to remind me of Your absolute self-existence and permanent-existence. May Your NAME be the "ring" on my finger, the "pendant" around my neck, and the precious "gift" locked up in my heart!!!

You are the Supreme Being - the essence of LIFE, and all of LIFE flows from Thee! Jesus, You are the "living bread which came down from heaven". So I "eat" Your flesh and "drink" Your blood, and You dwell in me and I in You. (From Jn. 6: 56) As I am "caught up" in
You, I have LIFE! As I "hunger" and "thirst" after You, I am filled - filled with You and with spiritual satisfaction and true peace and joy! You are the FULFILLMENT of my heart - my highest heart's desire! "The chief end of man is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever" - as the catechism says. Jehovah, You are my sole purpose for living! "And this is LIFE ETERNAL, that they may KNOW THEE the only true God..." (Jn. 17: 3a) Jehovah, my Lord, the Self-Existent One who is the essence of LIFE, You are MY LIFE, and all praise goes to Thee! In Jesus' name. Amen!

Jehovah-nissi

2009-04-02T11:27:00.002-05:00

In this "meditation" I recount some of the things God showed me through nature in the summer of 1997 down by the creek - including encounter with snakes!!! :)

Jehovah-nissi, You are the Lord, My Banner!

"For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing;" (Rom 7:18a) "For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other; so that (I) cannot do the things that (I) would." (Gal.5:17)

I so much want to walk in the power of Your Holy Spirit always, Lord, but I find that it is a daily battle which I cannot fight in my own strength. Just as Joshua fought the battle with Amalek in Exodus 17 and was victorious because Moses' hands were lifted up to You with
the help of Aaron and Hur, so shall I have final victory over my flesh and the devil because You are my Jehovah-nissi! Hallelujah!

Lord, may God's people love, support, and intercede for one another concerning this thing called HOLINESS and VICTORY OVER SIN! -just as Moses, Aaron and Hur did!

Lord, I "remember what Amalek (my flesh) did unto (me) by the way, when (I came) forth out of Egypt (the world); How he met (me) by the way, and smote the hindmost of (me) even all that were feeble behind (me) when (I was) faint and weary; and he feared not God. (Deut. 25: 17-18) Lord, I am reminded that although I shall have "war with Amalek from generation to generation" (Es. 17:16), yet You have promised that You "will utterly put out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven." (Es. 17:14) Thank You, Lord! I love this verse-"Therefore it shall be, when the LORD thy God hath given thee rest from all thine enemies round about, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance to
possess it, that thou shalt blot out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven; thou shalt not forget it." (Deut. 25:19) Someday, when I meet You face to face, I shall indeed be free from sin. I shall be holy! Blessed be Your name, Jehovah-nissi!

As I sit here down by the creek eating my meal, this crazy fly just will not leave me alone! No matter how much I swat at him, he just keeps buzzing around my food. My sin is like that, Lord - especially my besetting sins! O Lord, You tell me to put to death my sins - to KILL them. You say to me, "For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do MORTIFY the deeds of the body, ye shall live. " (Rom. 8: 13) Thank You that I may have victory through Your name - Jehovah-nissi!

I am reminded about the seriousness of crucifying the flesh when in I read I Sam. 15: 1-3,7-9; II Sam. 1:6-10 how Saul failed to destroy ALL of Amalek and was eventually killed by an Amalekite. We need ever to be reminded that we will be "killed" in the end, too, unless by Your grace, we take hold of Your power and slay the sin in our lives by Your name, Jehovah-nissi!

THE BATTLE IS ON! THE WAR IS RAGING! YES! YES! I SHALL WIN BECAUSE YOU ARE MY JEHOVAH-NISSI,THE LORD, MY BANNER!

But Lord, HOW do I kill these deeds of the body? Col. 3 says to PUT OFF the bad and PUT ON the good. Are you telling me, Lord, that You want me to KILL the sin in my life by FOCUSING ON THE GODLY OPPOSITES? Yes, and You are giving me grace to conquer my "negative
and complaining spirit" through SINGING PSALMS, GIVING THANKS, and SUBMISSION through QUIETNESS. The thing that has helped me most is to require myself to PRAISE those I love in at least one way every day.

THE BATTLE IS ON! THE WAR IS RAGING! YES! YES! I SHALL WIN BECAUSE YOU ARE MY JEHOVAH-NISSI, THE LORD, MY BANNER!

There is still so much sin in my life, and I do not know how much longer the battle may last, but when I look back on what I once was, I can see that You have killed some of those "Amalekites" in my life. Thank You, Lord! ... Today is our 19th wedding anniversary, and
You have reminded me of what a horrible, selfish little thing I was during those early years. I am still a selfish person, and that "Amalekite" keeps showing up, but Thank-You, dear Jehovah-nissi, that there aren't "millions" of them there like there once were. Thank You for VICTORY through Your NAME!

Yes..THE BATTLE IS ON! THE WAR IS RAGING! YES! YES! I SHALL WIN BECAUSE YOU ARE MY JEHOVAH-NISSI, THE LORD, MY BANNER!

Awhile back when the creek was still flowing (before the hot, Texas sun pretty much dried up the creek except for a few puddles), a twig with leaves fell into the creek. It was flowing along, and then all of a sudden it got "hung up" on something. For days and days it stayed "hung up", and I thought of "besetting sins"...but NOW it's GONE ! Thank You, Lord, that You can even take away our besetting sins - the ones we REALLY struggle and get "hung up" with.

...And the turtle who swam over to the bank and stuck it's head in the mud reminded me of those who aren't willing to "deal with" their besetting sins...but praise be to You, God! The turtle got out after a few days. There is always hope through Your name for those who are "stuck in the mud"!

Then You showed me today the little butterfly -flat on his back - flapping his wings furiously - struggling to fly, with no strength of this own. I walked by a little while later, and he could not be found. Did he fly away? Did You give him the strength to do so? O Lord, so often I feel like the little butterfly, with no strength of my own - HELPLESS! But You are my Jehovah-nissi, and I SHALL have VICTORY through Your name!

Yes..THE BATTLE IS ON! THE WAR IS RAGING! YES! YES! I SHALL WIN BECAUSE YOU ARE MY JEHOVAH - THE LORD, MY BANNER!

Yes, thank You for giving me a "picture" of this spiritual warfare recently during a time when we were experiencing spiritual opposition in several ways. As I was walking and praying down by the creek, I was thinking about the spiritual needs in our lives. As I looked down, there at my feet was a black SNAKE. The next day I heard a noise in the rocks, and lo and behold, there was another SNAKE. As he slipped down into the water and then out onto the bank, I tried to kill him with rocks. How I longed to kill that snake just as I long to kill the sin in our lives! After awhile I scared him away under the rocks in the water. Hallelujah! Well, the THIRD DAY IN A ROW I saw another SNAKE, and I tried desperately to KILL him, too, but I
was unsuccessful because I didn't want to get too close to him!!! He was quite mad and tried to strike the big rocks that I threw, but eventually I scared him away back into his hole. Well, Lord, a most amazing thing happened! The next day I was walking along thinking and praying about these things, and there at my feet again was another SNAKE! But this time he was DEAD!!! In fact, nothing was left of him but bones. Hallelujah! Yes, Lord, You SHALL have
VICTORY in our lives - but not by MY might or power. So many times I've tried to "throw the rocks" to KILL the sin in others' lives, but I must wait on YOU to do the work. PRAYER is my best weapon! You have shown me this again and again! "...Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the Lord of hosts." Every day since, I have not seen another snake, but I am always reminded of Your Almighty power over the "flesh" and the devil and Your promises to me when I walk by those snake bones! Thank You, Jehovah-nissi!

Jehovah M'Kaddesh

2009-04-02T11:27:00.001-05:00

Written summer 1997-

(By the way, all these "Names of God Testimonies" were sparked after I read Kay Arthur's book, "Lord, I Want to Know You")

Jehovah M'Kaddesh, thou art the One who sanctifies me. You sanctified:a

1 ) DAY - (You) blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it...

2) PEOPLE - Israel,and

3) ME -setting me apart from the world ...

Lord, Jehovah M'Kaddesh, continue to radically change and sanctify my HEART!

O Lord, Your words to me are, "Follow...holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord." (Heb. 12: 14) I want to see You, Lord! Make me HOLY like thee! Thank You for the work that YOU have begun and that YOU have promised to finish in me! For I am.."confident of this very thing, that (You) which (began) a good work in (me) will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." (Phil. 1:6)

Ah, yes, Lord, Your day is holy, and Your Word is Holy, too! Your Word is so precious, and it is the means to my sanctification as You declared in Jn. 17:17 - "Sanctify them through thy truth:thy word is truth." Yes, Lord, may these two things always be my DELIGHT! Amen!

Jehovah-Jireh

2009-04-02T11:26:00.002-05:00

Written summer 1997-

Jehovah -Jireh, You are the One who provides all of my needs! The place on Mt. Moriah where Abraham was willing and ready to sacrifice his precious Issac was called Jehovah -Jireh because You PROVIDED for him there, and in the same way, You are MY Jehovah -Jireh. You are my One who required a sacrifice for MY sins, but You also PROVIDED
that sacrifice by the death of Your dear Son on my behalf. Yes, You are my Jehovah -Jireh, my PROVIDER!

Also, it is said in Rom. 8:32"...that (You ) spared not (Your) own Son but delivered him up for us all, how shall (You) not with him also freely give us ALL things." Yes, my God, my Jehovah -Jireh, You SHALL supply all (my) need according to (Your) riches in glory by Christ Jesus." (Phil.4"19)

Yes, my Jehovah -Jireh, I want to give testimony that You HAVE met my needs - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. You have met my needs for food and clothes and shelter. You have also given me of Your grace time and time again to "go on" when I felt I couldn't "go
on" another step.

Many years ago when I was experiencing nausea and hypoglycemia" weakness with one of my pregnancies, I wrote in my Bible some words that I know You will remember, Lord. I wrote, "...He will supply grace to not complain and whine even though I feel lousy. He will supply grace to discipline my children and do my work even though I feel lousy. He will supply grace to study and pray even though I feel lousy. (II Cor. 12:9) His grace is made perfect through my weakness! Think of Sandra. Think of those who are pregnant in prison! Give thanks!" Jehovah -Jireh, I made it through that difficult pregnancy by Your grace. Thank You so much!

There have also been special times when You have met our needs for food and clothes and shelter, etc. in special ways! I remember the time my dear husband felt Your calling on his life to take the summer mission trip to London to learn how to witness to the Jewish people
and to minster to them there. Thank You so much for supplying the needed funds for that trip. After "scraping and scratching" around, we just barely had the money to buy that plane ticket. It was for us and our children a small step in faith and the real beginning of our trusting in You for all our needs. And then...the "bottom fell out" after he resigned his position in the church in H_______! As You know, until we came to here, he had no full-time job (just temporary ones and his own business endeavors), but You met our needs
one by one, day by day. The going was rough -- VERY ROUGH-- and many times we had to suffer, but we always had food. We always had at least one or two decent articles of clothing to wear. In so many miraculous ways You provided transportation and gas, etc. Thank You,
dear Jehovah -Jireh! Although we had no money to pay for rent, our girls were able to work in the greenhouses there between our house and the landlord's house in order to pay for our rent. It was hard -- oh SO HARD-- and many times I didn't know if we were going to make
it, but You were our Jehovah -Jireh! Hallelujah! Remember my cries to You as I prayed down by the creek there as I washed out our clothes? Yes, You remember! You allowed my washing machine to break so that I might really get close to You! Oh, I so well remember the shower and the nice bed in the air conditioned house of my parents after all that. When we had no more church, no more home, no more money, You provided a haven for me and the children. You also provided a place for my dear husband with friends while he looked for a job here. After the difficult living conditions and sickness I had experienced in the old house, I felt like I had been released from a concentration camp. O Lord, thank You that You will not give us more than we can bear!

And...Lord, Jehovah -Jireh, I must stop here and remember all of the ways in which You provided for me. I sit here this morning with a tired, aching body and headache, and I am beginning to realize that I have a great need for sleep. I didn't get enough sleep last night. O
Lord, Jehovah -Jireh, would You PLEASE provide a little bit of sleep for me today? May I "make it" till naptime, by Your grace without mentioning to anyone but to You how I feel. That would certainly be an example of Your power in my life, for I have no strength of my own to keep my lips closed. I humbly beg of You for Your grace that I might show others that You are my Jehovah -Jireh today! In Jesus' name. Amen.

P.S. Lord, here is a P.S. to my prayer. I can't fail to recount how you opened the doors for us to come here to rejoin our husband/daddy and the awe we felt as we stepped into the
country "mansion" with numerous rooms and six bathrooms! You PROVIDED the place for us to live -rent free for about 8 months. "I called upon (You) in distress: (You) answered me, and set me in a LARGE PLACE." (Ps. 118:5) You really did! You also PROVIDED the next
place and the next place where we are right now. (Both places are in the country, and I thank-you so much for that!) Yes, Thank-You! Thank-You! Thank-You!Your works are SO marvelous; for indeed, who will rent to someone with seven children? And yet, you were so good to PROVIDE for us what we needed-just at the right time! Once again - thank-You, my Lord!

The joy You gave my dear husband since coming here and the way You have promoted him at work has also been a "miracle" in answer to prayer. "Thou hast caused men to ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water: but thou broughtest us out into a
wealthy place." (Ps.66:12) Thank-You, Jehovah-Jireh!

Psalm 20:6

2009-04-02T11:25:00.002-05:00

Psalm 20:6

Now know I that the LORD saveth his anointed; he will hear him from his holy heaven with the saving strength of his right hand.

Yes, I know that God delivers and rescues his little ones from trouble, but NOW I really
KNOW. The following excerpts from my prayer diary remind me of how God has HEARD from His holy heaven and reached down with His right hand just for me. He has "touched me"
with His strongest hand, His right hand. The deliverance has been a slow and painful process-one in which I felt the answer would NEVER come, but He "picked me up" and lifted me up to His "secret place" (Ps. 91:1), all the while thrusting out the ENEMY and saying, "DESTROY"! (Deut. 33:27) Hallelujah!
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July 17, 1998

Psalm 57:4

My soul is among lions: and I lie even among them that are set on fire, even the sons of men, whose teeth are spears and arrows, and their tongue a sharp sword.

Lord, my soul is among lions...The devil is after me... His teeth are like spears and arrows. He is shooting his darts at me, and his tongue is like a sharp sword. He whispers his lies into my ears - lies that I shall not get better and that I shall have this affliction (heavy and persistent bleeding since my miscarriage on June 16) for the rest of my short life. It's all lies, isn't it,
Lord? Yes, I do feel that I'm in the midst of FIRE. Be thou pleased to DELIVER me for thy glory!
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Aug. 19, 1998

Psalm 88:3

For my soul is full of troubles: and my life draweth nigh unto the grave.

Lord, I'm here at the doctor's office again. As I lay here on the doctor's recliner on my 20th wedding anniversary, I feel this verse very heavily, "For my soul is full of troubles: and my life draweth nigh unto the grave." Shall they have to do a D &C even yet? Will my uterus be ruptured? Will they have to do a hysterectomy? Will I die? Lord, You know the concerns I have about anesthesia and antibiotics. My body is so chemically sensitive. What if they give
me something that KILLS me? O Lord, my life seems to draw nigh unto the grave, but I will trust in You!
______________________________________________________________________
A few days later

Psalm 88:4-6

I am counted with them that go down into the pit: I am as a man that hath no strength: Free among the dead, like the slain that lie in the grave, whom thou rememberest no more: and they are cut off from thy hand. Thou has laid me in the lowest pit, in darkness, in the deeps.

What is happening to my body, Lord? What is happening? The doctor switched my medication, but the medicine is KILLING ME! Dizziness, vaginal burning, burning all within my body, extreme nervousness and anxiety, heart palpitations, "brain fog", extreme hunger and thirst! Lord, I CAN'T SLEEP!..Thou hast "laid me in DARKNESS", and I have "NO STRENGTH". And my Fibromyalgia is acting up because I can't sleep. Will I die? How can I ever survive without SLEEP?

Lord, hold me! Hold me! Calm me down, and speak Your Word to my heart! You have said to me, "Fear thou not: for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I AM THY GOD: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my
righteousness." (Is. 41:10)...

O Lord, now I KNOW! The medicine must have multiplied the systemic yeast in my body! I've read before that I should never take that medicine, and how could I have forgotten, Lord? You totally BLANKED it from my mind. Surely Your hand is upon me in LOVING CHASTISEMENT! You are SOVEREIGN, Lord! Surely You wanted me to go through this horrible experience to strengthen my faith and make me less afraid. Lord, please forgive me for my fear. In Jesus' name. Amen.
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I had a really rough couple years after all that! The doctor finally gave up on me...Another one prescribed progesterone which I accidentally overdosed on. Finally another doctor prescribed
estradiol which I am still on. The bleeding at least for the present has calmed down, and I praise my Jehovah-Rapha! I praise Him also for delivering me from my moldy trailer!

Now know I that the LORD saveth his anointed; he will hear him from his holy heaven with the saving strength of his right hand!

Psalm 20:7

2009-04-02T11:25:00.001-05:00

Psalm 20:7

Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the LORD our God.

"Put not your TRUST in princes, nor in the son of man (and DOCTORS), in whom there is no help." (Ps. 146:3)

God sometimes uses "chariots and horses" (doctors and medicines) to bring about better health or healing for us, but ultimately HE is our Jehovah-Rapha, and our trust must be in HIM. Perhaps you have been HURT by doctors. You can see that I have been. In fact almost all my doctors, even the Naturopath and my environmental medicine doctors have prescribed things that have hurt me, but by God's grace I have forgiven them. Yet I have cried, "O Lord, please...YOU be my physician!"

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This verse also reminds me of what I wrote in August 1999:

Psalm 62: 7-8

In GOD is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.

Lord, if health ever comes to me again, even if it's just "better health"...by Your grace I shall say, "GOD showed me the pieces to the puzzle! God sent the resources. GOD is the rock of my strength!" And yes, I shall stop right now and thank-You, Lord, for showing me many
years ago that sugars made me dizzy. And over the years YOU have revealed to me the foods that were causing my fatigue. Thank-You for revealing to me several years ago that the palpitations and "brain- fog" which made it difficult for me to even think were caused by the
high carbohydrates I was eating. Thank-You for restoring my mind so that I can meditate on Your Word. Thank-You, Lord, for providing the resources and leading me to the right doctors who discovered my "leaky gut", mercury poisoning and low estradiol levels, etc. Thank-You, Lord, for showing me that chemical exposures over the years have probably played a part in making me worse. Thank-You for being my DETECTIVE, and although I had to WAIT for long periods of time many times, in Your timing YOU have provided the "piece of the puzzle" that was missing at the time. Thank-You for being my refuge!

Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.

The problem of course, Lord, is that "puzzle pieces" keep getting lost, and I find myself asking You to find the missing piece AGAIN. Lord, I'm pouring out my heart like the verse says. Please find the "missing piece" that will stop the body aches and headaches I have now been experiencing many, many months almost daily, and please provide a way to reduce my "total load".

This verse says to trust in You AT ALL TIMES. Most of the time I can trust in You, Lord, but as You know, sometimes things get so absolutely overwhelming that I have moments of despair. Forgive me, Lord. You have helped me in the past. Surely You will help me yet
again! Help me to trust in You AT ALL TIMES!

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Here's what I wrote in the spring of 2000:

Psalm 126:4

Turn again our captivity, O LORD, as the streams in the south.

Lord, I'm in CAPTIVITY again this morning! May I not PANIC! This IS getting very serious! I can't afford to "lose" any more foods, but You are sovereign, and You know what You are doing. YOU have the "key to unlock this prison door, too...just like You unlocked the other
ones. You set me FREE before. Please "turn again" my CAPTIVITY!

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I'm also reminded of what I wrote in August 1999:

John 6:16-21

...it was now DARK...and the SEA AROSE by reason of a great wind that blew.

Lord, last night it was indeed DARK...very dark...new scary symptoms...so many questions with no answers...and I went to bed with very little hope and tossed and turned and woke at intervals all night long. WHY, O Lord, am I feeling worse?

.....they SEE JESUS walking on the sea, and DRAWING NIGH unto the ship: and they were AFRAID. BUT he saith unto them, IT IS I; BE NOT AFRAID.

Yes, Lord...I was afraid...even this morning...UNTIL You spoke! YOU SPOKE, and You gave me HOPE again! Thank-You, Lord! Thank-You that there is always HOPE with You! I see now that You are telling me to calmly and patiently WAIT on You to show me what to do next.

"But they that WAIT upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint."(Isaiah 40:31)

Psalm 20:8-9; Micah 7:7-8

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Psalm 20:8

They are brought down and fallen: but we are risen, and stand upright.

Ultimately they are brought down! Through the shed blood of the Lord Jesus Christ on my behalf, I stand UPRIGHT and the devil is defeated. In Nov. 1999 I wrote a "meditation" form Micah 7:7-8 which combines this theme with that of "waiting". I will share it here after I conclude with a few thoughts on this last verse.

Psalm 20:9

Save, LORD, let the king hear us when we call.

"SAVE, O Lord, our King! This is our prayer. Together we call on You today. SAVE us out of our deep sickness and pain, but most importantly, SAVE us that we might daily DELIGHT in Thee! May we know that we know that we KNOW for sure that we are not 'botching up' the
reason for our existence and that we are SAFE in Your arms forever!"

Micah 7:7

Therefore I will look unto the LORD; I will WAIT for the God of my salvation: my God will hear me.

Strong's definitions-

"Look"- 6822 - "to lean forward, i.e., to peer into the distance..."

"Wait" - 3176 - "to be patient, hope, be pained..."

I am LOOKING for You, Lord, just like I look for my dear husband when he is LATE in the evening and I don't know where he is. I sometimes run outside and lean forward and peer into the distance down the road. Each roaring and crackling of the gravel a half a mile away
brings me hope that it is he, but alas, many times the car comes and goes, and he whom my soul loves is still far away...somewhere...I do no know where. Still I LOOK...still I WAIT! Patiently, HOPING, and "pained" in my heart...still I WAIT! But he DOES finally COME!
Yes! Yes! And I run out to greet him, wrapping my arms around his neck...so relieved that I still have a STRONG ONE to look after and take care of me. And I will WAIT for You, O God of my salvation! You hear me even now calling in my pain...for YOU, too! You WILL COME! Hallelujah! YOU WILL COME!]

Micah 7:8

Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD shall be a LIGHT unto me.

Satan, mine enemy shall NOT win ! Hallelujah! LORD, You shall win this battle for me! When I fall, I shall ARISE through You, Lord! When I am cast down, You shall lift me up! I shall continue and accomplish the work that You have for me here to do until it is my TIME to go. You will help me to ENDURE! When I sit in DARKNESS and misery..when sorrow and SICKNESS are heavy upon me, YOU shall be a LIGHT unto me, O Lord! You are my BRIGHT and MORNING STAR, shining through the darkness of my life! And when I FALL ultimately in death and Satan thinks he has the victory, I shall ARISE and LIVE FOREVER with You! Hallelujah! Amen!

Psalm 119:73-74

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We have meditated through Psalm 20, and now I will try to share excerpts from my "meditations" on Ps. 119:73-80, a few verses at a time. The bulk of the comments here in the next few Psalms were written in Fall/Winter 1997 as I was reading through Spurgeon's Treasury of David. Therefore the words in quotations are his, only changed somewhat and personalized by me.

Psalm 119:73-80

73 THY HANDS HAVE MADE ME AND FASHIONED ME: GIVE ME UNDERSTANDING, THAT I MAY LEARN THY COMMANDMENTS.

Lord, you have made me for Yourself, and You have allowed my body to be weak...and at least part of the reason for all of this is so that I will REALLY learn thy commandments. Thank-You for giving me understanding and for revealing this to me! It helps me to accept it
all so much easier. "In both giving me existence and arranging my existence You manifested love and wisdom; and therefore I find reasons for praise, confidence, and expectation in my being and well- being.....As thou hast made me, teach me. Here is the vessel which thou hast fashioned; Lord, fill it...grant me now thy grace that my soul may know thy will, and my body may join in the performance of it...'Forsake not the work of thine own hands.' ...Surely from the delicate art and marvelous skill which You have shown in the formation of my human body, I may infer that you are prepared to take equal pains with the soul till it shall perfectly bear Your image!"

74 THEY THAT FEAR THEE WILL BE GLAD WHEN THEY SEE ME; BECAUSE I HAVE HOPED IN THY WORD.

Yes, Lord, it is true...those who are godly, mature Christians who fear You and who have really HOPED in Your Word for years will be glad when they see me growing and hoping in Your Word too! "...It is one of the joys of saints to hold converse with their more advanced
brethren." How I long for some truly experienced, godly saints to converse with! Lord, may it be so!

Spurgeon says, "HOPEFUL men bring gladness with them. Despondent spirits spread the infection of depression, and hence few are glad to see them, while those whose HOPES ARE GROUNDED UPON GOD'S WORD carry sunshine in their faces, and are welcomed by their fellows." Lord, please give me grace to carry only SUNSHINE, even in the midst of illness! In Jesus' name. Amen.

Psalm 119:75-76

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75 I KNOW, O LORD, THAT THY JUDGMENTS ARE RIGHT, AND THAT THOU IN FAITHFULNESS HAST AFFLICTED ME.

Yes, Lord, because of Your great FAITHFULNESS, You have dealt with me in a "hard" way. It is because You desire my sanctification and holiness. It is because of Your great LOVE for me that You have allowed this illness. Thy judgments are right! Thank-You, Lord, that my sickness, by Your grace, has forced me to cry unto You for mercy...especially to overcome my BESETTING SINS.

76 LET, I PRAY THEE, THY MERCIFUL KINDNESS BE FOR MY COMFORT, ACCORDING TO THY WORD UNTO THY SERVANT.

"Merciful Kindness" can mean "beauty" according to Strong's.

Lord, thy BEAUTIFUL righteousness, which is not my own, is imputed to me. Hallelujah! Let this be my COMFORT when I am sick and afflicted!

"Beauty" also makes me think of Your Spirit, Lord . When Your Spirit blows it is a BEAUTIFUL thing! It is evidence of Your MERCIFUL KINDNESS to us. Come, Holy spirit! Sweep and blow upon us, and change our lives for Your glory! "Let the BEAUTY of the Lord our God be upon us..."! I long for us to be filled to overflowing with YOU! Indeed, O Lord, this would be my COMFORT in my affliction! By thy grace, I will endure what You have brought my way until You heal me...only let Your HOLY SPIRIT FALL on us! Be to each one I love
a "TREASURE CHEST OF HOLY JOY"! (As Piper says)

Psalm 119:77

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Continued from my "book" - Fall 1997 (Quotes by Spurgeon and personalized by me)

77a LET THY TENDER MERCIES COME UNTO ME, THAT I MAY LIVE:

"A heathen said...while I breathe I hope;" but by thy grace, O Lord, may I say "...even when I expire I still expect thy blessing." I cannot live "without thy tender mercy, O Lord, it is death...to be under Your displeasure." So Lord...I am like a tender branch. I could so easily be "snapped off", except by thy power. I am like a tender, delicate baby in the womb. My life is held in the balance. Pity me, O Lord. Let thy tender mercies come unto me that I may LIVE! Your tender LOVE and compassion and comfort to me...this is what keeps me physically and spiritually alive! Come, Holy Spirit, come! Let Your "wind" blow on me that I might REALLY, REALLY LIVE! I long to experience an even DEEPER life with YOU - DEEPER AND DEEPER and DEEPER! O Lord, give us all together a double portion of Your presence for Your glory!

77b FOR THE LAW IS MY DELIGHT.

Lord, to "rejoice in the law even when its broken precepts cause me to suffer...to delight in the word even when it rebukes me"...Ah, this is Your mercy to me! When I think about the fact that millions of people in this world do not delight in Your word, I must bow my head in thanksgiving...It is only Your MERCY which causes me to delight in Your Word! Thank-You, Lord! Amen!

Psalm 119:78-80

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Continuing in Psalm 119

(Quotes other than Scripture are by Spurgeon and personalized by me)

78 LET THE PROUD BE ASHAMED; FOR THEY DEALT PERVERSELY WITH ME WITHOUT A CAUSE: BUT I WILL MEDITATE IN THY PRECEPTS.

Lord, You have been showing me what a wicked thing it is to be "wise in MY own eyes." Please do the same for those who have "dealt perversely with me..."

But... I will MEDITATE in thy precepts....Yes, when I am misunderstood because of this illness, it drives me to You and Your Word! ...... May I continually find JOY in meditation, for therein do I find TRUTH and LIFE and ANSWERS, because there I find YOU! O Lord, when prayer and meditation in Your Word begin to "slip" in my life, I find that I have no strength to walk in PEACE, and I become easily irritated and frustrated. So ...Lord, please...please provide a way so that these two things will NEVER fade away!

79 LET THOSE THAT FEAR THEE TURN UNTO ME, AND THOSE THAT HAVE KNOWN
THY TESTIMONIES.

Yes, Lord, this is the cry of my heart! Those that have known thy grace, those who have a testimony to share, those that follow "hard" and "hunger and thirst" after You, those who have found in You a "Treasure Chest of Holy Joy"*...let these come my way!!!

80 LET MY HEART BE SOUND IN THY STATUES: THAT I BE NOT ASHAMED.

" If the heart be sound in obedience to You, all is well...Mere profession will fail...only sincerity and truth will endure in the evil day. He who is right at HEART has no reason for shame...." O Lord, may my HEART be right with You. (I do not want to be a hypocrite.) Let the depths of my inner being be guided by Your law. May I not have a superficial acquaintance with it, but may my innermost being - my feelings, my will, my intellect - be guided by Your law! May I be entire, upright, and whole because of thy "divine appointments" with Your Word, that I might not be ashamed on the Judgment Day! Amen!

*Quote by Dr. John Piper

Psalm 42

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This is a wonderful Psalm to meditate on when in the midst of unexplained anxiety or depression. I applied it to what was going on in my life at the time. It was written in Oct. 1997. :)

Psalm 42

1 AS THE HEART PANTETH AFTER THE WATER BROOK, SO PANTETH MY SOUL AFTER THEE, O GOD.

Yes, Lord...where are You, God? My soul pants after You! It seems that ever since I became sick with my allergies (or a cold?) a week or so ago...O Lord, where are You? I miss the deep communion with You! I miss You so much! Please come back to me, and restore unto me the joy of my salvation!

2 MY SOUL THIRSTETH FOR (THEE,O) GOD, FOR THE LIVING GOD: WHEN SHALL I COME AND APPEAR BEFORE (YOU AGAIN, O) GOD?

3a MY TEARS HAVE BEEN MY MEAT DAY AND NIGHT

... and especially this morning, O Lord. I cry big tears, and I don't really know why. My problems are no greater than they were before, but somehow I just don't see how I can handle them.. The little problems seem like "mountains"! I don't know what's wrong with me.
Unexplained anxieties have gripped my heart, and great big knots have lodged themselves in my stomach this week. Lord, help me! Are my hormones messed up now that I have weaned
the baby...or what? "My tears have been my meat" this morning,

3b WHILE THEY CONTINUALLY SAY UNTO ME, WHERE IS THY GOD?

Yes, my enemies (the devil and his angels) keep whispering to me "Where is they God" O Lord, where are You? Please come and deliver me!

4a WHEN I REMEMBER THESE THINGS, I POUR OUT MY SOUL IN ME:

David remembered going with the multitude up to the house of God, and he said,

4b FOR I HAD GONE WITH THE MULTITUDE, I WENT WITH THEM TO THE HOUSE OF GOD, WITH THE VOICE OF JOY AND PRAISE, WITH A MULTITUDE THAT KEPT HOLYDAY.

O what joy! O what peace! I remember those days, Lord - not too long ago - in which there was joy and praise and the keeping of your holy day...and sweet communion with you every day, for that matter. Your Spirit was so precious to me, and the peace in my heart was so sweet - a special gift from You!

5 WHY ART THOU CAST DOWN , O MY SOUL? AND WHY ART THOU DISQUIETED IN ME?HOPE THOU IN GOD: FOR I SHALL YET PRAISE HIM FOR THE HELP OF HIS
COUNTENANCE (ie. his face, his favour, his PRESENCE!)

6 O MY GOD, MY SOUL IS CAST DOWN WITHIN ME: THEREFORE WILL I REMEMBER
THEE FROM THE LAND OF JORDAN, AND OF THE HERMONITE, FROM THE HILL
MIZAR.

"Blessed downcasting which drives us to so sure a rock of refuge as thee, O Lord?" Maybe David "...recalls his seasons of choice communion by the river and among the hills, and especially that dearest hour upon the little hill, where love spake her sweetest language and revealed her nearest fellowship. It is great wisdom to store up in memory our choice occasions of converse with heaven; we may want them another day, when the Lord is slow in bringing back his banished ones, and our soul is aching with fear. 'His love in times
past' has been a precious cordial to many a fainting one; like soft breath it has fanned the smoking flax into a flame, and bound up the bruised reed. Oh, never-to-be-forgotten valley of Achor, thou art a door of hope! Fair days, now gone, ye have left a light behind you which cheers our present gloom." Yes, Lord, this is true! Thank-You for the memories, and by Your grace, restore unto me that which has been lost!

7 DEEP CALLETH UNTO DEEP AT THE NOISE OF THY WATERSPOUTS: ALL THY WAVES AND THY BILLOWS ARE GONE OVER ME.

Yes, Lord, this is how I feel! "David thought (also) that every trouble in the world had met in him, but he exaggerated, for all the breaking waves of Jehovah have passed over none but the Lord Jesus..." Let me remember this, Lord. And let me remember, too, that they are YOUR waves and YOUR billows. It is a comfort to know this and to know that Your "waves" and "billows" are given in love!

8 YET (YOU) WILL COMMAND (YOUR) LOVINGKINDNESS IN THE DAYTIME, AND IN THE NIGHT (YOUR) SONG SHALL BE WITH ME, AND MY PRAYER UNTO THE GOD OF MY LIFE.

O Lord, when I first read these words awhile ago, my heart burst forth, and tears streamed down my face. Your love is so special! You are holding me even in the midst of all of this TODAY - even though I have not felt your presence. And in the night Your song shall be with me. Yes, grant that I shall learn Psalm 27 quickly - that it might be for me "A song in the night"- (when I am afraid or when I am in trouble.) Ps. 27, 4-5a "(You are) my light and my
salvation; whom shall I fear?...One thing have I desired of (You...) LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in (Your) house...all the days of my life, to behold...(Your beauty)..., and to inquire in (Your) temple. For in the time of trouble (You) shall hide me in (Your) pavilion..." Yes, Lord, even now You are "hiding me in Your pavilion"! Dear God of my life, my prayer to You today in this "night-time" of my life, is that I will feel and know Your presence again as You hold me in Your arms of love!

9a I WILL SAY UNTO GOD MY ROCK, WHY HAST THOU FORGOTTEN ME?

Lord, I know You haven't forgotten me, but...why am I so anxious and nervous, and why are there big "knots" in my stomach this morning?

9b WHY GO I MOURNING BECAUSE OF THE OPPRESSION OF THE ENEMY?

The devil is indeed 'hounding" me heavily this morning! There is no PEACE in my heart! I can't seem to handle these "decisions", Lord...What ARE my responsibilities, and why can't we seem to "hit upon" a good daily schedule again? Things were running so smoothly just a short while ago. And why am I so anxious about this - and about EVERYTHING?

10 AS WITH A SWORD IN MY BONES, MINE ENEMIES REPROACH ME;WHILE THEY SAY DAILY UNTO ME, WHERE IS THY GOD?

Yes, Lord, this is kind of how I feel--like a sword is in my bones. (Actually it's more like a rope around my neck tied up in the middle of my stomach!) This verse definitely makes me think of Eph. 6:12 - "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the ruler of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." Please deliver me, Lord, from the "oppression of the ENEMY" and Satan's lies.

11a WHY ART THOU CAST DOWN, O MY SOUL? AND WHY ART THOU DISQUIETED
WITHIN ME?

"As though he were two men, the psalmist talks to himself," and so shall I do the same. "His faith reasons with his fears, his hope argues with his sorrows...These present troubles, are they to last for ever?..Why this deep depression, this faithless fainting, this chicken-hearted melancholy?...To search out the cause of our sorrow is often the best surgery for grief.Self-ignorance is not bliss; in this case it is misery. The mist of ignorance magnifies the cause of
our alarm; a clearer view will make monsters dwindle into trifles...Why am I agitated like a troubled sea, and why do my thoughts make a noise like a tumultuous multitude?" Could it
really just be my hormones, Lord? Anyway..."The causes are not enough to justify such utter yielding to despondency. Up my heart!..."

11b HOPE THOU IN GOD:!

Yes, Lord, I shall hope in You! No matter how I FEEL, by Your grace, I shall trust that You are HOLDING ME! You are my El Shaddai!

11c FOR I SHALL YET PRAISE HIM,

''Yet will my sighs give place to songs, my mournful ditties shall be exchanged for triumphal paeans. A LOSS OF THE PRESENT SENSE OF GOD'S LOVE IS NOT A LOSS OF THAT LOVE ITSELF...!"

11d WHO IS THE HEALTH OF MY COUNTENANCE, AND MY GOD.

Yes, Lord...You shall deliver me and take away my heaviness. You are my physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional health! May Your smile rest upon me that I might smile again, too.

In Jesus' name. Amen!

*Quotes by Spurgeon

Psalm 27:1

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This Psalm is such a special Psalm that has helped me in times of fear. The "meditation" was written in November 1997, and the situation was one that I was dealing with at the time. I will try to send little pieces of it each day for a few days. :)

Psalm 27:1-6

1a THE LORD IS MY LIGHT AND MY SALVATION;

O Lord, thank-You for this beautiful Sabbath morning and the opportunity I had earlier to walk and meditate on this Psalm as I watched the sunrise! It was such a special blessing, Lord! Thank-You for Your sweet presence! Truly You are my light and my salvation ! You are my "sunrise", my "morning sun", my "illumination", my very HAPPINESS! May You "light" and "warm up" my life just as the sun is lighting and warming the earth on this beautiful, cold November morning!

1b WHOM SHALL I FEAR?

Can I honestly say "whom shall I fear?"...Oh, Lord, I pray that I will experience NO FEAR AT ALL as I face this possible life- threatening situation. With tears running down my face, I say, "Please, Lord, grant my prayer!"

1c THE LORD IS THE STRENGTH OF MY LIFE; OF WHOM SHALL I BE AFRAID?

Why is there any reason for me to be afraid, Lord? You are my SALVATION - my deliverance...my safety! I am SAFE with YOU, and NOTHING can ultimately hurt me! You are my strength! The definition of "strength" in Strong's Concordance is "a fortified place..." O
Lord, what precious truth You have just revealed! You are my FORT! NOTHING can hurt me because I am hiding behind Your "walls". You are my special "hiding place", and You are fighting for me against the "enemy" who is desperately trying to destroy my body and my faith in You.

Psalm 27:2-3

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Continuing in Psalm 27 - Written in Nov. 1997

(Quotes by Spurgeon)

2 WHEN THE WICKED, EVEN MINE ENEMIES AND MY FOES, CAME UPON ME TO EAT
UP MY FLESH, THEY STUMBLED AND FELL.

The enemy of my soul, the devil, and all his wicked demons, my foes, came upon me to EAT up my FLESH. My body fat is being consumed, and I am now down to 95 lbs. But..."they stumbled and fell"! Hallelujah! Lord, those who came upon You in the garden of Gethsemane fell backwards to the ground, and "all wrestling belielvers who, rising from their knees shall, by the power of faith, throw their foes upon their faces." Hallelujah!

3THOUGH AN HOST SHOULD ENCAMP AGAINST ME, MY HEART SHALL NOT FEAR:
THOUGH WAR SHOULD RISE AGAINST ME, IN THIS WILL I BE CONFIDENT.

Lord, You know I have recently been told again that I have a serious systemic yeast problem! And since pregnancy causes the yeast to multiply even more.......O Lord, may I not fear! Truly there is a host of evil forces encamped against me, and "war" is raging in my body, but Lord, "in this will I be confident". I will hurry to YOU, for YOU are my place of refuge! May my CONFIDENCE truly be in YOU!

Psalm 23:4

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me...

Spurgeon says, "Nobody is afraid of a shadow...The shadow of a dog cannot bite; the shadow of a sword cannot kill; the shadow of death cannot destroy us. Let us not, therefore, be afraid...We feel a thousand deaths in fearing one....The little child out at sea in the storm is not frightened like all the other passengers on board the vessel, it is asleep in its mother's bosom; it is enough for it that its mother is with it...THOU are with me; I have, in having thee, all that I can crave: I have perfect comfort and absolute serenity, for THOU art with me."

Lord, may I keep sound wisdom and discretion so that I may claim Your promise in :

Proverbs 3: 24,26

When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet. Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh. For the Lord shall be they confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken.

Lord, may I not be afraid of any new SUDDEN FEAR ( panic attacks, weird/new symptoms, more weight loss, scary stories about those who had life threatening pregnancies and died), and may I not be afraid of the desolation, destruction, and wasteness of the yeast or whatever it is that has done its work, but may I be able to endure as I rest in Your "secret place" here behind Your walls in Your fort!

Psalm 27:4

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Continuing in Psalm 27 - Written in Nov. 1997

4 ONE THING HAVE I DESIRED OF THE LORD, THAT WILL I SEEK AFTER; THAT I MAY DWELL IN THE HOUSE OF THE LORD ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE, TO BEHOLD THE BEAUTY OF THE LORD, AND TO ENQUIRE IN HIS TEMPLE.

Yes, Lord, there is ONE thing that is most important! There is ONE thing that I earnestly desire and beg You for! There is ONE thing I search for and strive for and beseech Thee for! My ONE DESIRE, Lord, is to DWELL WITH YOU! I want to behold (i.e. "mentally perceive,
contemplate with pleasure...") Your beauty (i.e. splendor, grace, pleasantness...)! DWELLING with You, Lord, implies "settling down" with You, "marrying" You, making You my HABITATION - my HOME!

Psalm 71:3 says:

Be thou my strong habitation, whereto I may continually resort: thou hast given commandment to save me; for thou art my rock and my fortress.

Lord, I don't know how long I may have to live here on this earth. None of us know. Only YOU know. But Lord, I long to make very last moment count for You, and I long to know Your PRESENCE every moment. I long to behold Your beauty and to know that Your arms are always wrapped around me and that I can snuggle up to You. If this is so, surely when it is my time to go through the "river of death", I will FEAR NO EVIL. I want to walk CALMLY with You, Lord, to the very end! As Spurgeon says, "We go through the dark tunnel of death and emerge into the light of immortality. We do not die, we do but sleep to wake in glory." Lord, even now when I think about death, may I EXPERIENCE Your PEACE, and when my time comes to die (unless You return first,), may I FEAR NO EVIL. If I am truly pining after You, O Lord, I will care but little for this life. Being with You will be the thing that really matters, whether it be here or in heaven!

Psalm 27:5a&b

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Continuing in Psalm 27 - Written in Nov. 1997

5a&b FOR IN THE TIME OF TROUBLE HE SHALL HIDE ME IN HIS PAVILION: IN THE SECRET OF HIS TABERNACLE SHALL HE HIDE ME;

Well, Lord, I have had times of "trouble" before, and You were there with me. May I know that You will be with me NOW yet again in this my new "time of trouble".You have been with me through past pregnancies, and we've had some "scary times", but YOU have always seen me through safely. Lord, HIDE me in Your pavilion....Your Word declares that You shall hide me and keep me close to You and protect me from evil forces in a very SECRET hiding place. Ah, yes, Lord...You and I are in a SECRET HIDING PLACE. The devil can't touch me here because You are covering me with Your wings (Ps. 17:8-9) inside Your tabernacle/fort. The devil doesn't even know where this SECRET HIDING PLACE is because it is Your SECRET. Here I am safe with You!

Psalm 32:7

Thou art my hiding place; thou shall preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance.

Yes! Yes! It's all making sense now. You are my home/tabernacle; You are my fort; You are my shield; You are my pavilion; You are my secret hiding place. YOU are my EVERYTHING! You are my complete protection, and I am covered with Your blood. Dear Lord Jesus, Thank-
You! Even though I am in distress in this narrow, tight place ...even though the adversary/enemy is out to get me, Thou shalt surround me on every side with SHOUTS of ESCAPE from the wicked one, for I am totally covered and hidden by You (like in a box). The enemy doesn't know that I am here. It's as if You shouted to me, "Come hide here in my PRESENCE. It is a SECRET place! The enemy does not know that this is where I hide my dear children, and even if he did, he would never venture near MY PRESENCE! You are SAFE here with me!"

This song, Psalm 27, is one of my SONGS of DELIVERANCE! As You surround me with Your song (Psalms), as Your song (Your Word) becomes MY very WORDS and my very LIFE, as Your Psalms envelope my whole being (heart, soul, and mind), I SHALL have deliverance. Hallelujah! Thank-You, Jesus!

Psalm 119:114

Thou art my hiding place and my shield: I hope in thy WORD.

Psalm 27:5c-6a

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Continuing in Psalm 27 - Written Nov. 1997

Most of all, Lord,

Psalm 64:1b

Preserve my life from FEAR of the enemy!

5c-6a HE SHALL SET ME UP UPON A ROCK. AND NOW SHALL MINE HEAD BE LIFTED UP ABOVE MINE ENEMIES ROUND ABOUT ME:

Thank-You, Lord, for this wonderful promise that You shall set me UP upon a ROCK. You are not only my "secret hiding place" inside Your fort, but this fort is high and lifted up on a big boulder/rock. Jesus Christ, You are my ROCK (I Cor. 10;4, Eph. 2:20), the foundation that will never crumble or fail! Surely You are my strong and mighty God who TOWERS ABOVE all the wicked spiritual forces which are desperately trying to ruin me. "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." (Eph. 6:12) But You TOWER ABOVE all these enemies! You are my HIGH ROCK! You are higher than all these enemies of mine! Hallelujah! You are a strong TOWER from the enemy. (Ps. 61:2-4)

O Lord, the picture is getting better and better! You are my high TOWERING FORT that is placed upon a rock, the Lord Jesus Christ. Satan's darts can't ever reach this high, so they will never be able to go over the walls of the "fort", even if they are shot upward. But even if one did go over, You are my SHIELD. No darts could hurt me! This tabernacle/ HOME that I have in YOU is also a "pavilion", a den. I think of a den as dark place of safety where the animal can hide, but Your den is so full of light that the devil and his angels would be blinded and struck dead if they were to enter here, for You are LIGHT!

Lord, I am SO SAFE here in the "shelter of Your wings" and under Your "shadow"! It is the SECRET PLACE of the Most High God, a place that that the devil knows nothing about, (Ps. 91:1), and there is no reason for me to fear! Indeed I am lifted up ABOVE all my "enemies"
that surround me because I am in Your towering fortress, under Your wings, here in the "SECRET PLACE"! Hallelujah! Thank-You, Lord!

I have prayed,

Psalm 43:3

O send out they light and thy truth: let them lead me; let them bring me unto thy HOLY HILL...

Lord, You have answered my prayer. Your LIGHT and TRUTH (Your Word and the understanding of it, Your 'illumination") have brought me to this HOLY HILL that I have been talking about! Hallelujah!

6b THEREFORE WILL I OFFER IN HIS TABERNACLE SACRIFICES OF JOY; I WILL SING, YEA, I WILL SING PRAISES UNTO THE LORD.

Yes, I will sing! I will sing this Psalm to build the faith in my heart, and I will sing this Psalm to give testimony that YOU are my "light and my SALVATION"!

In Jesus' name. Amen!!!

Psalm 91:1-2

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Quotes are by Spurgeon

Most of this was written in Winter 1997/1998

I'll share this Psalm a little bit at a time like I did the last
one. :)

Psalm 91

1 HE THAT DWELLETH IN THE SECRET PLACE OF THE MOST HIGH SHALL ABIDE
UNDER THE SHADOW OF THE ALMIGHTY.

Lord, Spurgeon says, "Every child of God looks toward the inner sanctuary and the mercy seat, yet all do not dwell in the holy place; they run to it at times, and enjoy occasional approaches, but they do not habitually reside in the mysterious presence...Those who commune with God are safe with him, no evil can reach them...Communion with God is safety...The more closely we cling to our Almighty Father, the more confident may we be...SPECIAL IMMUNITY...The Almighty himself is where his shadow is, and hence those who dwell in his secret place are shielded by Himself."

Lord, you've taught me so much lately about Your "secret hiding place', and You have brought me here and protected me from the fiery darts of the wicked one. Thank-You so much! This verse and passage says that there are special promises for me if I just "sit down" and "settle" here. If I make this place my habitation, my HOME, day in and day out, You will surely bless and protect me in a marvelous way! The promises are here in this psalm FOR ME if I make
Your "secret place" my HOME! Ah, Lord, If I stay at "HOME", I shall ALWAYS be in Your shadow and under Your special protection and care! Keep me at "HOME", Lord! Keep me at "HOME"! Keep me in Your Spirit and in Your presence!

2 I WILL SAY OF THE LORD, HE IS MY REFUGE AND MY FORTRESS: MY GOD; IN
HIM WILL I TRUST.

Yes, Lord, I will SAY that You are my Jehovah God! By writing and sharing, my faith is being strengthened. Thank-You, Lord, for being my place of HOPE! It's been such a blessing to meditate on being in a high, towering castle with thick walls in a sheltered and shielded "secret hiding place", and this verse says that YOU are that place! YOU are my fortress! Thank-You, Lord! By Your grace, I will trust in You.

Psalm 91:3-4a

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Continuing in Psalm 91

3 SURELY HE SHALL DELIVER THEE FROM THE SNARE OF THE FOWLER, AND FROM
THE NOISOME PESTILENCE.

Spurgeon says, "There is a deadly pestilence of error, we are safe from that if we dwell in communion with the God of truth; there is a fatal pestilence of sin, we shall not be infected by it if we abide in the thrice Holy One: there is also a pestilence of disease, and even from that calamity our faith shall win immunity, if it be that high order which abides in God, walks on in calm serenity, and ventures all things for duty's sake."

4a HE SHALL COVER THEE WITH HIS FEATHERS, AND UNDER HIS WINGS SHALT THOU TRUST:

Lord, as I sit down with You in this "secret place" and make YOU my home, You are covering me with Your "feathers", and by Your grace, I shall stay under Your "wing" like the little chicks who stay under their mother. This reminds me of my "Chick Story....

-----------------------------------------

Chick Story

The baby chicks hatched, LORD...finally! You brought them out of their little shells, and they nestled under their mother's wings. I immediately thought of this verse:

"He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust." (Ps. 91:4a)

The mother hen takes them all over the yard, and they "scratch, scratch" as they go...trying to learn...doing just as she does. (I want to follow You like that...doing what You do!) Yes, You lead her to the bugs, and she teaches the little ones how to find them. I thoroughly enjoy watching them from my bedroom window, and sometimes I even notice a chick or two crawl up onto her back and accidentally slide off.:)

One morning it was windy and chilly, and I noticed "Mischievous", the mother hen...scratch...scratching." For 5 or 10 minutes she kept scratching as the little chicks stood quietly nearby. Then she nestled down in the little dirty spot she had cleared away, and all
the little ones ran and hid under her feathers!

"How excellent is THY lovingkindness, O God: therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of THY WINGS." (Ps. 36:7)

My little ones really enjoy playing with "Mischievous" and her chicks, but when they pick them up and take them away from the "mama", she goes "crazy", with a "cluck-cluck here, and a cluck- cluck there...here cluck, there cluck, everywhere a cluck-cluck", and the babies "peep-peep" like mad! I FEEL the "mama's" frustration. I feel it very strongly! LORD, please take care of all my little "chicks" and keep them safe from the devil's darts!

One of the children's diary pages tell the "new chick story" well:

"We have names for the (chicks)..."Cutiepie" and "Sweetiepie" are the yellow ones. The dark ones are "Boss" and "Boss the Second". The other one that is inbetween, we call "Mama's Boy". He cries the most and always stays with his mom...

Our chickies are so cute now. They are loosing their down and are getting feathers. Today "Cutiepie" got a big bug. She swallowed it whole. It was cute. (My brother) said that the other day Boss got a big cricket and did the same thing. They are growing like crazy."

LORD, this mother hen and her chicks are like magnets to one another! A couple times the children took Mischievous" a distance away, and they held all the baby chicks. Then they let all the chicks go for a "chicken race, and I enjoyed watching them! Mother hen ran towards
her chicks, and the babies all ran straight to her as fast as they could go! "Boss" won!

LORD,

"Hide me under the shadow of THY WINGS. (Ps. 17:8b)

I want to be just like "Boss"..scrambling like mad to get to YOU...just like a MAGNET! Bind my heart to THEE!

"Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of they wings will I REJOICE." (Ps. 63:7)

BE MERCIFUL UNTO ME, O GOD, BE MERCIFUL UNTO ME; FOR MY SOUL TRUSTETH
IN THEE: YEA, IN THE SHADOW OF THY WINGS WILL I MAKE MY REFUGE,UNTIL
THESE CALAMITIES BE OVERPAST." (Ps. 57:1)

Psalm 91:4b-5

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Continuing in Psalm 91

4b HIS TRUTH SHALL BE THY SHIELD AND BUCKLER.

Lord, I have an "all surrounding coat of mail"! Such is the force of the word "buckler". This wonderful shield and buckler is Your WORD, Your TRUTH. Whatever You say is true, and like Job, I say, "I have esteemed the words of His mouth MORE THAN MY NECESSARY FOOD." (Job 23:12) Whatever You say shall stand, and I stand upon Your promises, Lord, by Your grace. Your WORDS shall be my food and my protection!

5 THOU SHALT NOT BE AFRAID FOR THE TERROR BY NIGHT; NOT FOR THE ARROW
THAT FLIETH BY DAY.

O Lord, what a beautiful promise! IF I stay at "HOME" with You, I shall NOT BE AFRAID. You know, O Lord, that Satan sends the "fiery darts" at me quite often. By thy grace, I want to rise above fear, and I know that I shall, if I stay at "HOME" with You. You have helped me to experience a little of this, and how I long to be totally free from fear! "Not to be afraid is...an unspeakable blessing, since for every suffering which we endure from real injury we are tormented by a thousand griefs which arise from fear only," Spurgeon says.

Spurgeon also says, "Night is the congenial hour of horrors, when alarms walk abroad like beasts of prey, or ghouls from among the tombs; our fears turn the sweet season of repose into one of dread..."

With nighttime, fear comes easily, and there is often "terror", too, in the "nighttime" of our lives!But...

"Blessed is that communion with God which renders us impervious to midnight frights, and horrors born of darkness...When Satan's quiver shall be empty (I shall) remain uninjured by his craft and cruelty, yea, his broken darts shall be to (me) as trophies of Your truth and power"! (Quote by Spurgeon and personalized by me)

Psalm 91:6-8

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Continuing in Psalm 91

6 NOR FOR THE PESTILENCE THAT WALKETH IN DARKNESS, NOR FOR THE DESTRUCTION THAT WASTETH AT NOONDAY.

7 A THOUSAND SHALL FALL AT THY SIDE, AND THE THOUSAND AT THY RIGHT HAND; BUT IT SHALL NOT COME NIGH THEE.

8 ONLY WITH THINE EYES SHALT THOU BEHOLD AND SEE THE REWARD OF THE
WICKED.

Chemical poisoning is a sort of pestilence, isn't it, Lord? Is there a special promise here just for me?

Spurgeon says, "Famines may starve, or bloody war devour, earthquake may overturn and tempest may smite, but amid all, the man who has sought the mercy seat and is sheltered beneath the wings which overshadow it, shall abide in PERFECT PEACE. Days of horror and
nights of terror are for other men, his days and nights are alike spent with (You), and therefore pass away in sacred QUIET...Upon the child of (Your) own heart pestilence has no destroying power, and no calamity no wasting influence: pestilence walks in darkness, but he
DWELLS IN LIGHT; destruction wastes as noonday, but upon him another sun has risen whose beams bring restoration. I must remember that the voice which saith 'thou shalt not fear'; is YOUR voice, and You pledge (Your) word for the SAFETY of those who abide under (Your) shadow, nay, not for their safety only, but for their SERENITY."

Lord, in reading this I see the truth that no matter what, even if I die, still there is no "destroying power". The devil cannot hurt me! For if I am here at the mercy seat and sheltered beneath Your wings in Your "secret" holy place, even if I die, I shall still be with You
here. I will only be exchanging one life for the next, but I will not really MOVE. Lord, plant me here in Your "secret" place and under Your shadow. As I make this place my "HOME", make this Your Word REAL to my heart and encourage me in it to KNOW that this place shall
ALWAYS be my "HOME". I don't have to ever "move", and when I die, there will be a change, but my real "HOME" shall be the same, for my HOME is with YOU. THEN I shall really know that this is so(!), but even now may I begin to really KNOW this truth! "For now we see
through a glass, darkly; but then face to face..."(I COR. 13:12a)

Lord, as I meditate on these things, I realize that there are special promises for me here in this blessed and precious psalm, but I am beginning to see the the MOST IMPORTANT promise for the child of God who is RESTING in Your "secret place" is that of SERENITY and
QUIETNESS from FEAR. I really want to "hold onto" this, Lord! May it be a reality in my life.......NO FEAR! Amen!

Psalm 91:9-10

2009-04-01T14:34:00.002-05:00

Continuing in Psalm 91-

9-10 BECAUSE THOU HAST MADE THE LORD WHICH IS MY REFUGE, EVEN THE MOST HIGH, THY HABITATION; THERE SHALL NO EVIL BEFALL THEE, NEITHER SHALL ANY PLAGUE COME NIGH THY DWELLING.

Lord, if I make You my HOME, no adversity or calamity or plague shall touch me. Lord, I know this is true in a spiritual sense. "All things work together for GOOD to them that love God..." (Rom. 8:28) But can I take this verse literally, too? Lord, increase my faith as I
meditate on this verse- "Put on the whole armor of God...Above all, taking the shield of FAITH, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked." (Eph. 6:11a, 16)

Thank You, Lord, for stories like these which DO increase my faith: Spurgeon says, "In the year 1854,...the neighbourhood in which I laboured was visited by Asiatic cholera...and almost every day I was called to visit the grave. My friends seemed falling one by one, and I felt or fancied that I was sickening like those around me...As God would have it, I was returning mournfully home from a funeral, when my curiosity led me to read a paper which was wafered up in a shoemaker's window...it bore in a good bold handwriting these words: 'BECAUSE THOU HAST MADE THE LORD, WHICH IS MY REFUGE, EVEN THE MOST HIGH, THY HABITATION; THERE SHALL NO EVIL BEFALL THEE, NEITHER SHALL ANY PLAGUE COME NIGH THY DWELLING.' The effect of my heart was immediate. Faith appropriated the passage as her own. I went on with my visitation of the dying in a calm and peaceful spirit; I felt no fear, and I suffered no harm..."

"The psalmist in these verses assures the man who dwells in God that he shall be secure. Though faith claims no merit of its own, yet the Lord rewards it wherever he sees it. He who MAKES God his refuge shall find him a refuge; he who dwells in God shall find his dwelling
protected. We must MAKE the Lord our habitation by choosing him for our trust and rest, and then we shall receive immunity from harm; no evil shall touch us personally, and no stroke of judgment shall assail our household...

It is impossible that any ill should happen to the man who is beloved of the Lord; the most crushing calamities can only shorten his journey and hasten him to his reward. Ill to him is no ill, but only good in a mysterious form. Losses enrich him, sickness is his medicine, reproach is his honour, death is his gain. No evil in the strict sense of the word can happen to him, for everything is overruled for good. Happy is he who is in such a case. He is secure
where others are in peril, he lives where others die."

-Quotes by Spurgeon

Psalm 91:11-14

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Continuing in Psalm 91

11-13 FOR HE SHALL GIVE HIS ANGELS CHARGE OVER THEE, TO KEEP THEE IN ALL THY WAYS. THEY SHALL BEAR THEE UP IN THEIR HANDS, LEST THOU DASH THY FOOT AGAINST A STONE. THOU SHALT TREAD UPON THE LION AND ADDER:THE YOUNG LION AND THE DRAGON SHALT THOU TRAMPLE UNDER FEET.

Spurgeon says, "To men who dwell in God the most evil forces become harmless, they wear a charmed life, and defy the deadliest ills.Their feet come into contact with the worst of foes, even Satan himself nibbles at their heel, but in Him they have the assured hope of bruising Satan under their feet shortly...Their dominion over the powers of darkness makes them cry, 'Lord, even the devils are subject unto us through thy word!'"

14 BECAUSE HE HATH SET HIS LOVE UPON ME, THEREFORE WILL I DELIVER HIM:

O Lord, this verse is such a special promise, too. If I set my LOVE upon You, You SHALL DELIVER me. You shall cause me to "slip out" of the grasp of Satan's fingers and be "carried away" safely to Your special abode. Love in this instance has the idea of "clinging to". I shall ESCAPE IF I CLING to You! I must, like Jacob, lay HOLD of You and not EVER let You go! No...Never! I must hold onto YOU, expecting great things from You. Surely You will answer my prayers! Enable me, Lord, to keep CLINGING to You always and forever! I acknowledge with thanksgiving Your enabling power in my life which keeps me CLINGING. Thank-You, Lord! Oh, don't ever let me go! And Lord, may each one in my family and each sister in the Lord here ALSO be enabled to CLING to You and to truly DELIGHT in You! In Jesus' name. Amen!

If we truly DELIGHT in You, THEN we shall have DELIVERANCE in any and all troubles that are mentioned in this wonderful Psalm! The CONDITION here for deliverance is one that we need to meditate on long and hard. Do we really delight in You? What does in mean to delight in You? Surely it involves deep and full surrender! Surely it involves making You and Your Word the number one focus in our lives! If we hunger and thirst after the truth in Your Word...if we can't seem to get enough of Scripture meditation...if we LOVE to do this more than ANYTHING ELSE...if we love to sit in Your presence and commune with You...if we love to listen to sermons and Scripture being read while we go about our other activities...Lord, could this be part of the meaning of "setting our love" on You? Give us grace to do it, Lord!

Spurgeon says, "When the heart is ENAMOURED of the Lord, ALL TAKEN UP WITH HIM, and intensely ATTACHED to him, the Lord will recognize the sacred flame, and preserve the man who bears it in his bosom. It is LOVE, LOVE SET UPON GOD, which is the distinguishing mark of those whom the Lord secures from ill". Ah, Lord, here is the "key" to this whole passage:

REAL LOVE FOR GOD= DELIVERANCE, SAFETY, AND FREEDOM from FEAR!

Lord, I notice in this verse that if I truly love You, not only will You send Your angels, but You will PERSONALLY deliver me. Thank-You, Lord, for Your "personal touch"!

Psalm 91:14b-16

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14b I WILL SET HIM ON HIGH: BECAUSE HE HATH KNOWN MY NAME.

Lord, if I really love You, You will set me on HIGH in a place of peace and joy, above dangers and fear, in a place that is safe from the "enemy" -INACCESSIBLE!

Hallelujah! You will set me on high BECAUSE I have known Your NAME. Yes, this reminds me of all my "Names of God" Testimonies that I did this past summer. What a blessed study it was to meditate on Your character and all the ways You have "MET" me in the past! By Your grace I have KNOWN Your NAME, so set me on HIGH!

I love what Spurgeon says also, "None abideth in intimate fellowship with God unless they possess a warm affection towards God, and an intelligent trust in him; these gifts of grace are precious in Jehovah's eyes, and wherever he sees them he smiles upon them. How
elevated is the standing which the Lord gives to the believer. We ought to covet it right earnestly. If we climb on high it may be dangerous, but if God sets us there it is glorious."

15 HE SHALL CALL UPON ME, AND I WILL ANSWER HIM: I WILL BE WITH HIM IN TROUBLE; I WILL DELIVER HIM, AND HONOUR HIM.

William Dawson says, "... God speaks and acts like a tender-hearted mother towards a sickly child. When the child is in perfect health she can leave it in the hands of a nurse; but when it is sick she will attend it herself; she will say to the nurse, 'You may attend a while to some other business, I will watch over the child myself.' She hears the slightest moan; she flies to the cradle; she takes it in her arms; she kisses its lips, and drops a tear upon its face, and
asks, 'What can I do for thee, my child? How can I relieve thy pain and soften thy sufferings? Don't weep and break my heart; it is thy mother's arms that are around thee; it is thy mother's lap on which thou art laid; it is thy mother's voice that speaks to thee; it is
thy mother that is with thee; fear not.' So You speak to Your afflicted children, 'I will be with You in trouble.' No mother can equally sympathize with her suffering child; as You do with your suffering people. No! could all the love that ever dwelt in all the mothers' hearts that ever existed, be united in one mother's heart, and fixed on her only child, it would no more bear a comparison with Your love...to Your people than the summer midnight glowworm is to be compared to the summer mid-day sun.

O that delightful sentence 'I will be with him in trouble.' At other times You will leave Your children in the hands of angels: 'You will give them charge over us in all our ways; they bear us up lest at any time we dash our feet against a stone.' But when we are in trouble You will say to the angels, 'Stand aside, I will take care of them myself. I will be with them in trouble'. So You speak to Your people: 'When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee
and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shall not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour. 'When languishing in sickness, You will make
my bed, and my pillow; when traveling through the valley of the shadow of death, You will be with me, and enable me to sing, 'I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me'. Thus You are with me and as my physician and nurse, in pain and sickness; as my gude in difficulty; my ease in pain; and as my life in death." (Personalized by me.)

Yes, Lord, I shall call upon You, and You will answer me. You will say to me, "I love you, Sherry. You are my own little one. I WILL be with you in trouble." Yes, Lord, You will deliver me and honour me with Your presence. I will truly be HONOURED if others see that You
are holding me tight and that I have no fear. Please, Lord, give me grace to be a witness for You and to show forth Your Almighty power any and every time I am in TROUBLE. Thank-You, Lord, for this wonderful promise!

16 WITH LONG LIFE WILL I SATISFY HIM, AND SHEW HIM MY SALVATION.

YOU WILL SATISFY me completely! YOU are ALL I need! You are more than enough! Is this a personal promise for a long ,physical life on this earth, a promise of many years before physical death? Surely, whether it is or not, this verse is still true because YOU will satisfy me with FOREVER LIFE! You are even now making me to experience and to enjoy Your salvation!

Your SALVATION in my life comes to me NOW, YOUR PRESENCE OF LOVE AND DELIVERANCE FROM FEAR!

That's really what this Psalm is all about, isn't it, Lord?

1) That I will know Your love and feel Your Presence
2) That I will not be afraid

Amen!

Psalm 39:9

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Here are some more excerpts from my book before I knew that I had FM and MCS.

June 1998

Lord, could it be that You are fixing to HEAL me? O Lord, if the symptoms would cease, and if I could eat normally again, that would indeed be a miracle healing even if I have to take a thyroid pill or something..I'm not trusting in medicines or doctors. Nothing has healed me so far, and only YOU can make any medical procedure or medicine WORK. Only YOU can give the DIAGNOSIS to my sickness. Lord, please have mercy upon me. I have laid myself in Your arms of love and said, "If You want me to die, o.k. If You want me to continue to hunger and thirst, o.k." O Thank-You, Lord for the special food and ice. Now, O Lord, You have allowed me to see this Endriconologist, and I have so much hope!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Aug. 2, 1998

Psalm 39:9

I was dumb, I opened not my mouth; because thou didst it.

Lord, tears flowed from my eyes at the doctor's office this morning. But now, I must confess I AM NUMB! Why, Lord? I just KNEW this was going to be the ANSWER to at least part of my health problems- a diagnosis of Thyroiditis and a little pill that would make me well so
that I could eat again without symptoms. But...NO! Why, Lord? Surely it is all for my good, but I am dumb and NUMB! I open not my mouth because thou didst it. I don't understand, but I must resign myself to my condition although I don't know WHAT is wrong with me.
Thank-You, Lord, for the gentle rain that is falling on me as I pray. Surely You are mixing Your tears with mine! Thank-You for holding me in Your sovereign arms of love! In Jesus' name. Amen!

Quotes on Psalm 39 by Pusey and Spurgeon

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At this point in my "story" and actually before I went to the Endriconologist, I had a miscarriage (June 19, 1998) and persistent bleeding for months. Much of it was heavy and scary, so I finally went to a Gynecologist in August who gave me a medication that I highly reacted to, as I've mentioned before. This was my "big crash" and the beginning of my severe MCS problems, although I still didn't know the diagnosis till I went to the Environmental Health Center of Dallas in October. I was living through Psalms 57 and 88 especially and crying to God day and night! If you are now or have ever been REALLY sick and living through these Psalms yourself, you will probably be able to relate to these next few posts.

I'll start this part of my "story" with more of Psalm 39. These are quotes by Pusey and Spurgeon form Spurgeon's Treasury of David that meant a lot to me during this very difficult time in my life.

Psalm 39:7

My hope is in thee.

"Sweet is it that our hope should rest in him who in never shaken: should abide in him who never changeth; should bind us to him who can hold us fast to himself, who alone is the full contentment of the soul; should, as it were, enter into him; since 'in him is our being,' who is love." -E.B. Pusey, D.D., 1853

Psalm 39:9

I was dumb, I opened not my mouth; because thou didst it.

"Sweetened with submission...What a reason for hushing every murmuring thought is the reflection, "because thou didst it"! It is his right to do as he wills, and he always wills to do that which is wisest and kindest: why should I then arraign his dealings? Nay, if it be indeed the Lord, let him do what seemeth him good."-Spurgeon

Psalm 39:10

Remove thy stroke away from me.

"Silence from all repining did not prevent the voice of prayer, which must never cease. In all probability the Lord would grant the psalmist's petition, for he usually removes afliction when we are resigned to it; if we kiss the rod, our Father always burns it. When we are still, the rod is soon still..." -Spurgeon

Psalm 39:10b

I am consumed by the blow of thine hand.

"Good pleas may be found in our weakness and distress. It is well to show our Father the bruises which his scourge has made, for peradventure his fatherly pity will bind his hands, and move him to comfort us in his bosom. It is not to consume us, but to consume our
sins, that the Lord aims at in his chastisements."-Spurgeon

Psalm 39:12

Hole not thy peace at my tears.

"Tears speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues;...When our sorrows pull up the sluices of our eyes, God will ere long interpose and turn our mourning into joy. The Lord may be quiet as though he regardeth not, but the hour of deliverance will come, and come like
the morning when the dewdrops are plentiful."

Hallelujah!

Psalm 57:1-3, etc.

2009-04-01T14:31:00.001-05:00

My miscarriage was June 19, 1998, and this is basically what I wrote on July 15-17. I will put this into 2 posts.

July 15

Psalm 34:17-19

The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles...Many are the afflictions of the righteous; but the LORD delivereth him out of them all.

My trouble...my affliction is continual and persistent..., but surely You will deliver me! Hallelujah!

Psalm 33:18

Behold, the eye of the LORD is upon them that fear him, upon them that HOPE in his MERCY.

Your eye is upon me, Lord! You take PLEASURE in me because I am hoping in Your MERCY. I'm HOPING, Lord, by Your grace...HOPING...HOPING... HOPING...hanging on for dear
life...grabbing at the hem of Your robe...Lord, You are my ONLY HOPE!

July 16

Psalm 57

1a BE MERCIFUL, UNTO ME, O GOD, BE MERCIFUL UNTO ME: FOR MY SOUL TRUSTETH IN THEE:

Micah 7:18 says You DELIGHT in mercy! O Lord, I am so glad that my cries for mercy bring You JOY! I am so happy that You find PLEASURE when I hope in Your MERCY. (Ps. 147:11) For this is the ONLY thing I can do, and I can't even do that except by Your grace. I can't save
myself; I can't heal myself. YOU are my ONLY HOPE!

You are my PORTION...therefore will I HOPE in YOU! (Lam 3:24) Surely "It is good that I should both HOPE and QUIETLY WAIT for the salvation of the LORD." (Lam 3:26) Yes, You are my portion, Lord! Your gifts are so special, and I thank You for them, but...You are my
heart's desire and DELIGHT! You are my PORTION! You are ALL that I really need!

1b YEA, IN THE SHADOW OF THY WINGS WILL I MAKE MY REFUGE, UNTIL THESE
CALAMITIES BE OVERPAST.

My basic long term sickness that I have which prohibits my eating of high carbohydrates and the symptoms I experience when I am "out of balance" along with this affliction since my miscarriage are the calamities in my life right now. Will they EVER really be overpast? "Behold You are my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid." (Is. 12:2a )"Because thou HAST BEEN my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice! (Ps. 63:7) You have helped me before in calamity! Surely You will help me yet again!

2 I WILL CRY UNTO GOD MOST HIGH; UNTO GOD THAT PERFORMETH ALL THINGS
FOR ME.

Yes, Lord, I am CRYING unto You. How discouraged I was last night because of the digestive problems I've had the last few days, and of the setback. How discouraged I was, and I had almost but lost HOPE. Then You spoke to my heart. Surely there is a reason why you want me to lie here for a few more days. You want me to learn some new Psalms, I guess. You DO have me in a good place to learn them, Lord...right here in bed. Oh, may my heart DELIGHT to do it!...And surely in process of time, the affliction will end. For You are my God that performeth all things for me. As Spurgeon said, "hence past mercies are guarantees for the future." May I stop and remember how You have answered many past prayers for things like this and KNOW that You shall yet hear again and say "yes"... Thank-You, Lord!

3 HE SHALL SEND FROM HEAVEN, AND SAVE ME FROM THE REPROACH OF HIM
THAT WOULD SWALLOW ME UP. SELAH. GOD SHALL SEND FORTH HIS MERCY AND
HIS TRUTH.

Lord, I'm hiding here under Your SHADOW, but the enemy is still all around me. So send forth MERCY from heaven. MERCY and TRUTH, like angels, shall surely pick me up and take me directly to YOU(not only in your shadow). There shall I be far from the enemy who is trying to destory me!

Lord, You know that this whole ordeal since my miscarriage has been the cause of an emotional roller coaster for me. I have, from the beginning, sensed a deep spiritual battle with the evil one who is trying to "swallow me up". I shall stop and consider. You are much
more powerful than the evil one, so why do I worry and fret? Surely You shall win even though what I SEE tends to discourage me. "Now FAITH is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Heb. 11:1)

Rest of Psalm 57

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July 17

Continuing in Psalm 57-

4 MY SOUL IS AMONG LIONS: AND I LIE EVEN AMONG THEM THAT ARE SET ON FIRE, EVEN THE SONS OF MEN, WHOSE TEETH ARE SPEARS AND ARROWS, AND THEIR TONGUE A SHARP SWORD.

Lord, my soul is among lions...The devil is after me, like I said yesterday. His teeth are like spears and arrows. He is shooting his darts at me, and his tongue is like a sharp sword. He whispers his lies into my ears, lies that I shall not get better and that I shall have this affliction for the rest of my short life. It's all lies, isn't it, Lord? Yes, I do feel that I'm in the midst of FIRE. Be thou pleased to DELIVER me for thy glory!

5 BE THOU EXALTED; O GOD, ABOVE THE HEAVENS; LET THY GLORY BE ABOVE ALL THE EARTH.

Yes, Lord, I praise You today for what You are going to do! Be thou exalted, O God! Let thy glory and praise shine forth! Please give me opportunity to spread Your fame and give testimony that You are my Jehovah-Rapha, my healer. Let thy glory be above all the earth!

6 THEY HAVE PREPARED A NET FOR MY STEPS; MY SOUL IS BOWED DOWN: THEY HAVE DIGGED A PIT BEFORE ME INTO THE MIDST WHEREOF THEY ARE FALLEN
THEMSELVES. SE-LAH.

Spurgeon says, "Evil is a stream which one day flows back to its source." Thank-You, Lord, that the devil is already defeated!

7 MY HEART IS FIXED, O GOD, MY HEART IS FIXED; I WILL SING AND GIVE PRAISE.

Lord, no matter what happens to me, by Your grace, my heart is FIXED. Though You shall slay me, I will trust in You, by Your grace.

I will sing; I will give praise! That's what I want to do for the next few days as I lie here in bed. By Your grace, I shall memorize more Psalms and sing and praise You in the process. Help me, Lord!

Lord, my heart is FIXED. From the moment my husband unconsciously laid his hand upon my head the other night in his sleep, I just KNEW that I wouldn't have to have to have a D& C! Thank-You, Lord! Well, I've sure had my "ups and downs". The devil has plagued me with
doubts. It has been a horrible spiritual battle, but this morning You have given me grace to once again HOPE in Your MERCY. Lord, may my heart stay FIXED on You! In Jesus' name. Amen!

"I shall not be afraid of evil tiding: my heart is FIXED, trusting in the LORD."(Ps. 112:7)

Spurgeon says, "...not fluttered, but calm, firm, happy."

8AWAKE UP, MY GLORY; AWAKE, PSALTERY AND HARP; I MYSELF WILL AWAKE EARLY.

Lord, I shall awake early, by thy grace, and sing psalms of praise to You FIRST THING!

9 I WILL PRAISE THEE, O LORD, AMONG THE PEOPLE: I WILL SING UNTO THEE AMONG THE NATIONS.

Yes, I will praise Thee with my "meditations"! I will sing unto Thee among the nations with my Psalm tapes, by Your grace. Amen.

10 FOR THY MERCY IS GREAT UNTO THE HEAVENS, AND THY TRUTH UNTO THE CLOUDS.

All through this Psalm and through this horrible experience these last few weeks, we go back and forth. Verses 1-3 are my cry for MERCY to come and pick me up and carry me to You. Verse 4 is my cry that the enemy is still after me. Then with verse 5, I lift my thoughts
toward You again in exaltation. But with verse 6, my faith has plummeted again. Verse 7 enables me again to FIX my heart on You. At last I am enabled to sing and praise no matter what the devil says. Fear no longer has hold of me, by thy grace, and I will praise
Thee!...

FOR MERCY and TRUTH have come to save me from him that would swallow me up!

They MERCY is great! It can and WILL take me to the heavens! Your TRUTH will come, too, and it will take me to the clouds--up to You-- in a safer place--not only in Your SHADOW, but in Your secret hiding place right there in Your presence. Thank-You, Lord!

11 BE YOU EXALTED, O GOD, ABOVE THE HEAVENS: LET THY GLORY BE ABOVE ALL THE EARTH.

May You be exalted, O Lord! May You truly be glorified as You deliver me from this terrible ordeal. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Isaiah 8:13

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A Scripture I meditated on during the summer of 1998-

Isaiah 8:13

SANCTIFY the LORD of hosts himself...!

Lord, if I SANCTIFY You in my heart, You shall be a SANCTUARY for me!
(Ps. 91:1)

And what does it mean to SANCTIFY You, Lord?

It means:

1) Be ANYTHING You want me to be.
2) Do ANYTHING You want me to do.
3) SUFFER ANYTHING You want me to suffer.

--Thoughts from a sermon by Mike Snyder, used with persmission

Jer.30:10-18

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Nobody wants a "Job's Comforter". No! And nobody can say you are not being healed because of your sin! But... sometimes we ARE being chastised for our sin, and the Lord will show us if this is so. The Lord spanks those that He loves! Anyway, when the Lord led me to these verses in Aug. 1998, I knew they were for me. Of course, the words are to Israel, but they were for me, too...Some would say I was being too hard on myself, but I don't think so. The Lord wants to bring us to a place of humility and to show us our sin....I have not stayed here. I know God has forgiven me....and just like this passage says, the "spanking" is in MEASURE. Healing WILL come! Praise the Lord!

Jeremiah 30:10-18

10 THEREFORE FEAR THOU NOT, O MY SERVANT JACOB, SAITH THE LORD: NEITHER BE DISMAYED, O ISRAEL: FOR LO, I WILL SAVE THEE FROM AFAR, AND THY SEED FROM THE LAND OF THEIR CAPTIVITY; AND JACOB SHALL RETURN, AND SHALL BE IN REST, AND BE QUIET, AND NONE SHALL MAKE HIM AFRAID.

Thank-You, Lord, for promising to save me and my children out of the captivity of our sin. And thank-You for the lack of fear I have just now which is most definitely from You. It is a miracle! "In returning and rest shall (I) be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be (my) strength." (Is. 30:15)

11 FOR I AM WITH THEE, SAITH THE LORD, TO SAVE THEE: THOUGH I MAKE A FULL END OF ALL NATIONS WHITHER I HAVE SCATTERED THEE, YET WILL I NOT MAKE A FULL END OF THEE: BUT I WILL CORRECT THEE IN MEASURE, AND WILL NOT LEAVE THEE ALTOGETHER UNPUNISHED."

Thank-You for being with me, Lord! You will correct me through this my sickness. Yes, You have been correcting me for all these many years!Thank-You, Lord, that it is in measure. Surely it is for my good, and You will not make a "full end" of me. You will save me! Hallelujah!

12-13 FOR THUS SAITH THE LORD, THY BRUISE IS INCURABLE, AND THY WOUND IS GRIEVOUS. THERE IS NONE TO PLEAD THY CAUSE, THAT THOU MAYEST BE BOUND UP:THOU HAST NO HEALING MEDICINES."

Lord, after going to several doctors...after taking many supplements...it does look like there are no healing medicines. It does look like this sickness is incurable. (And of course spiritually my wounds were incurable, too, until You saved me.)

14 ALL THY LOVERS HAVE FORGOTTEN THEE; THEY SEEK THEE NOT; FOR I HAVE
WOUNDED THEE WITH THE WOUND OF AN ENEMY, WITH THE CHASTISEMENT OF A
CRUEL ONE, FOR THE MULTITUDE OF THINE INIQUITY; BECAUSE THY SINS WERE
INCREASED.

Yes, Lord, my sorrow in incurable here while I am on earth...but I am rejoicing through my sorrow, for my sins have been covered by the blood of Jesus! Yes, I have sorrow because of my sins, and You are spanking me, but it will all turn out for my good. Thank-You, Lord!

16 THEREFORE ALL THEY THAT DEVOUR THEE SHALL BE DEVOURED; AND ALL THINE ADVERSARIES, EVERYONE OF THEM SHALL GO INTO CAPTIVITY; AND THEY
THAT SPOIL THEE SHALL BE A SPOIL, ALL THAT PREY UPON THEE WILL I GIVE FOR A PREY.

Therefore You will destroy my enemies - the devil and all his angels? Yes! Hallelujah! You say in verses 10 and 11 - "Fear thou not...For am with thee." You allow the devil to come against me in order to purify me, but he shall be destroyed in the end!

17 FOR I WILL RESTORE HEALTH UNTO THEE, AND I WILL HEAL THEE OF THY WOUNDS, SAITH THE LORD; BECAUSE THEY CALLED THEE AN OUTCAST, SAYING, THIS IS ZION, WHOM NO MAN SEEKETH AFTER.

You shall heal me..when, Lord? If not in this life, surely when I see You face to face! Hallelujah! You shall heal me! And why? Because I have been an Outcast along with you, my precious Jesus!

18 THUS SAITH THE LORD; BEHOLD, I WILL BRING AGAIN THE CAPTIVITY OF JACOB'S TENTS, AND HAVE MERCY ON HIS DWELLING PLACES; AND THE CITY SHALL BE BUILDED UPON HER OWN HEAP, AND THE PALACES SHALL REMAIN AFTER THE MANNER THEREOF.

Surely Lord, You will do all this for Your glory and because of Your great mercy! Amen!

P.S. in 2001, verse 17 has even more meaning to me now that I am an "outcast" because of MCS. :)

Psalm 88

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Have you ever felt like you might be dying? Have you ever lived through Psalm 88 along with the Psalmist? If so, I'd love to hear your "story", too! If not, and you don't like emotional things, you can just delete this one. :) (Smile!) This is a longer post, but I thought it would be best to do the whole Psalm at once this time.

Aug. 1998

Psalm 88

1 O LORD GOD OF MY SALVATION, I HAVE CRIED DAY AND NIGHT BEFORE THEE:

O Lord, You KNOW this is true! I'm drinking my Chaste Tree Berry/Raspberry Tea, and things are better, but it is still not gone. This affliction has basically lasted now for almost 2 months!

Few days later...

2 LET MY PRAYER COME BEFORE THEE: INCLINE THINE EAR UNTO MY CRY;

O Lord, why? What is happening? Shall I call 911? O Lord, please, please, PLEASE let my prayer come before thee: Please open your ears to my prayer!

A day or so later...

Thank-You, Lord, for the sweet time of family sharing and confession! Thank-You for the prayer of my sweet husband and the anointing oil! For my dear husband and children's sake, please heal me and keep me from the hospital and a D& C. You know we don't have the money or the insurance.

Aug. 17, 1998

Oh, thank-You, thank-You, Lord, that the doctor won't do a D&C! She said it would be too dangerous in light of the fact that my uterine walls are so thin because I've had so many babies. So may this Progesterone work. Amen.

Aug. 19, 1998

3 FOR MY SOUL IS FULL OF TROUBLES: AND MY LIFE DRAWETH NIGH UNTO THE
GRAVE.

Lord, as I lay here again on the doctor's recliner on my 20th anniversary, I feel this verse very heavily. "For my soul is full of troubles: and my life draweth nigh unto the grave." Shall they have to do a D&C even yet? Will my uterus rupture? Will I die? Lord, You know the concerns I have about anesthesia and antibiotics, and my body seems to be so chemically sensitive...

O Lord, as I lay here I shall sing, "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want...YEA, THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH, I WILL FEAR NO EVIL...

About 4 days later after the medicine they gave me...

4 I AM COUNTED WITH THEM THAT GO DOWN INTO THE PIT: I AM AS A MAN THAT HATH NO STRENGTH:
5 FREE AMONG THE DEAD, LIKE THE SLAIN THAT LIE IN THE GRAVE, WHOM THOU REMEMBEREST NO MORE:
6 THOU HAST LAID ME IN THE LOWEST PIT, IN DARKNESS, IN THE DEEPS.

What is happening to my body, Lord? What is happening? This medication is KILLING me! Dizziness, burning, nervousness and anxiety, heart palpitations, "brain fog", extreme hunger and thirst, fatigue, etc! Lord, I can't sleep! Thou hast "laid me in DARKNESS, and I have "NO STRENGTH". Lord, how can I ever survive without SLEEP? I didn't even "drop off" for one minute last night...or the night
efore, I don't think!

7 THY WRATH LIETH HARD UPON ME, AND THOU HAST AFFLICTED ME WITH ALL THY WAVES. SELAH.

Though it seems Your WAVES are overflowing me, I shall believe Your words, "Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name: THOU ART MINE. When thou passest through the waters, I WILL BE WITH THEE; and through the rivers, THEY SHALL NOT OVERFLOW THEE: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither
shall the flame kindle upon thee." (Is. 43:1b-2)

8 THOU HAST PUT AWAY MINE ACQUAINTANCE FAR FROM ME; THOU HAST MADE ME
AN ABOMINATION UNTO THEM: I AM SHUT UP, AND I CANNOT COME FORTH.

Lord, I am SHUT UP..shut up here in my room. It seems like FOREVER since I've taken a walk outside, but it always seems to get worse when I get up, so I'm staying here in my bed. Although friends are far away, I am so thankful that I do not have to quote the middle part of this verse and apply it to myself. Thank-You for the e-mails and the letters! Thank-You for all the friends who are praying for me!

9 MINE EYE MOURNETH BY REASON OF AFFLICTION: LORD, I HAVE CALLED DAILY UPON THEE, I HAVE STRETCHED OUT MY HANDS UNTO THEE.

Yes, Lord, Yes! I deserve nothing but thy Almighty wrath! But please, Lord, have MERCY upon me. Mine eye mourneth. I cry and cry! I stretch forth my hands to Thee!

10 WILT THOU SHEW WONDERS TO THE DEAD? SHALL THE DEAD ARISE AND PRAISE THEE? SE-LAH.
11 SHALL THY LOVINGKINDNESS BE DECLARED IN THE GRAVE? OR THY FAITHFULNESS IN DESTRUCTION?
12 SHALL THY WONDERS BE KNOWN IN THE DARK? AND THY RIGHTEOUSNESS IN
THE LAND OF FORGETFULNESS?

O Lord, if I die, who shall continue my "meditations"? I long to declare Thy faithfulness and Thy truth! I long to write and share that You have been my MERCIFUL Jehovah-Rapha, my healer!

13 BUT UNTO THEE HAVE I CRIED, O LORD; AND IN THE MORNING SHALL MY PRAYER PREVENT THEE.

Unto Thee I cry, O Lord! I fall upon my face this morning once again. Let my prayer precede thy MERCY. In Jesus' name. Amen!

14 LORD, WHY CASTETH THOU OFF MY SOUL? WHY HIDEST THOU THY FACE FROM
ME?
15 I AM AFFLICTED AND READY TO DIE FROM MY YOUTH UP: WHILE I SUFFER THY TERRORS I AM DISTRACTED.

Lord, why do You hide Your face? Why do You seem so far away? Yes, I have been afflicted from my youth up, but now I really suffer thy TERRORS tonight more than ever before! The digestive problems and extreme nervousness and anxiety is a TERROR that I can hardly deal
with! Every move the children make in the livingroom causes this trailer to shake and makes me even more nervous! And while I suffer thy terrors, I am DISTRACTED. I NEED sleep, but I cannot sleep! O Lord, be pleased to HELP ME!

16 THY FIERCE WRATH GOETH OVER ME; THY TERRORS HAVE CUT ME OFF.
17 THEY CAME ROUND ABOUT ME DAILY LIKE WATER; THEY COMPASSED ME ABOUT
ALTOGETHER.

Lord, thy TERRORS have compassed me about ALTOGETHER! I've stopped the medicine and switched to Progest cream, and now I'm back where I started from. O Lord, please let this tea help. And the burning! The over-the-counter medicine makes things worse. Please give me a
natural remedy!

O Lord, I'm losing weight! Will I survive this, Lord?

18 LOVER AND FRIEND HAST THOU PUT FAR FROM ME, AND MINE ACQUAINTANCE
INTO DARKNESS.

Lord, although in thinking about death I am ALONE with YOU, yet I know many are praying for me. Thank-you for the special homemade card , and thank-You for the elderly woman who said that she fell on her knees to pray for me. Tears come to my eyes, Lord! Bless this
dear lady who also has been through so much! Bless her beyond measure for her kindness and prayers! In Jesus' name. Amen!

More of my "story" with Special Verses and Prayers, summer and fall

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More of my "story" with Special Verses and Prayers, summer and fall
1998

Psalm 103:8

THE LORD IS MERCIFUL AND GRACIOUS, SLOW TO ANGER, AND PLENTEOUS IN
MERCY.

Lord, thank-You for Your MERCY! Thank-You for the peace and quiet. Thank-You for my dear, sweet mother and her willingness to take the little children home with her for awhile! Thank-You for the wonderful sermons I've been listening to.

Isaiah 26:9

WITH MY SOUL HAVE I DESIRED THEE IN THE NIGHT; YEA, WITH MY SPIRIT WITHIN ME WILL I SEEK THEE EARLY; FOR WHEN THEY JUDGMENTS (CHASTISEMENTS ) ARE IN THE EARTH, THE INHABITANTS OF THE WORLD WILL LEARN RIGHTEOUSNESS.

You have taught me much through all of this, Lord. Truly, when I am HALF-DEAD, normal things just don't matter anymore. It is much easier to lie here and let my husband make the decisions. Surely this is where You want my HEART to stay forever...in SURRENDER. Give grace,Lord!

Psalm 90:12

SO TEACH US TO NUMBER OUR DAYS, THAT WE MAY APPLY OUR HEARTS UNTO WIDSOM.

Oh, Lord, what REALLY is important? If I only have a few days or years left, I want to spend it WITH YOU in Bible meditation and prayer and in ministry to my family and others. My little children NEED me, Lord! May I spend QUALITY TIME with them each day- reading
to them, singing to them, talking to them about You...LOVING THEM! These things are most important.

Psalm 57:1

BE MERCIFUL UNTO ME, O GOD, BE MERCIFUL UNTO ME: FOR MY SOUL TRUSTETH
IN THEE: YEA, IN THE SHADOW OF THY WINGS WILL I MAKE MY REFUGE, UNTIL
THESE CALAMITIES BE OVERPAST.

Lord, You know I've prayed this prayer many times every day now for weeks! Remember thy WORD unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to HOPE!" (Ps. 119:49) Many PROMISES You have given me, Lord! I am HOPING in Your WORD!

Sept. 15-17,1998

Psalm 100

MAKE A JOYFUL NOISE UNTO THE LORD, ALL YE LANDS.

Sing, sing, all ye sisters, for the Lord is good! He is MERCIFUL! He has shown His great MERCY to me! At least for now...Hallelujah! The affliction is finally GONE now after 3 months... with the cream and teas.

Lamentations 3:22-23

IT IS OF THE LORD'S MERCIES THAT WE ARE NOT CONSUMED, BECAUSE HIS COMPASSIONS FAIL NOT. THEY ARE NEW EVERY MORNING; GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS.

Thank-You for Your mercy to me. Thank-You that I am still alive! Thank-You, Lord, that the physical trials I am going through are working in me a thankfulness that I have never had before. Even though I awake many times at night, I am SO THANKFUL when I can go back to sleep! I am SO THANKFUL for the mornings when I can say, "Thank-You, Lord, for allowing me to sleep most of the night!" It is such a wonderful blessing to be able to sleep! Thank-You so much for REST!

Oct.and Nov.Prayers after visiting the Environmental Health Center

Lord, I AM very allergic to this tea that I've been drinking. What will I do? They say I should stop it, and they say I will feel worse before I am better. You know this "food testing" is causing reactions. Also, in taking the supplements and things the doctor has prescribed and trying to slowly add oil back into my very basic diet of only meast and green vegetables and cauliflower, it has caused weakness and HUNGER. I'm trying to add things back very slowly, but even 1/2 t. oil causes this reaction. I feel hungry, only to eat and feel even HUNGRIER! Please help me, O Lord!

Blood work shows that I am POISONED! How did I get high levels of copper and arsenic? And the doctor seems very concerned about my high levels of MERCURY! The reading runs off of the page at 99th percentile+! I'm TOXIC! O Lord, where did I get this horrible mercury? Was it the fish I've been eating?...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank-You, Lord, for the compounding pharmacy! This pharmacy is Your gift from heaven to me, and tears flow from my eyes! Oh thank- You, Lord! They have been able to make up some high-strength Progesterone Gel that has NO CHEMICALS in it so I don't have to drink the tea anymore. Thank-You, thank-You, thank-You, Lord!

Psalm 84:1

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I was still pretty ill when I meditated through this wonderful Psalm in Nov.1998. I usually took one or two verses a day, so I'll share in it in pieces.

Psalm 84

1 HOW AMIABLE ARE THY TABERNACLES, O LORD OF HOSTS!

Lord, how happy I was to find that "tabernacles" can mean "residence, dwelling place, habitation.."!Yes, what a LOVELY place is that place where YOU DWELL, in the midst of Your people and in their hearts by FAITH. Your word says, "For the LORD hath chosen Zion; he hath desired it for his HABITATION. This is my rest for ever: here will I DWELL; for I have desired it." (Ps. 132:13-14)"...for YE are the TEMPLE of the living God; as God hath said, I will DWELL in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people."
(II Cor. 6:16b) "In whom YE also are builded together for a HABITATION OF GOD through the Spirit."

So You DWELL in Your people, and this is a beautiful and LOVELY thing! How WELL-BELOVED we are, and if we meditate on this hard and long, our hearts will truly rejoice! Spurgeon says, "The desire of God to dwell among the people whom he has chosen for himself is very gracious and yet very natural: his love will not rest apart from those upon whom he has placed it. God DESIRES to ABIDE with those whom he has loved with an everlasting love; and we do not wonder that it should be so, for we also desire the company of our beloved ones. It is a double marvel, that the Lord should choose and desire such
poor creatures as we are: the indwelling of the Holy Ghost in believers is a wonder of grace parallel to the incarnation of the Son of God: God in the church is the wonder of heaven, the miracle of eternity, the glory of infinite love. 'This is my rest forever.' Oh glorious words. It is God himself who here speaks. Think of rest for God! A Sabbath for the Eternal and a place of ABIDING for the Infinite. He calls Zion MY REST. Here his love remains and displays itself with delight. 'He shall rest in his love.' And this FOREVER. He will not seek another place of repose, nor grow weary of his saints...Oh, the sweetness of the thought that God DESIRES to dwell in his people and rest among them!...This is the joy of our souls, for surely we shall REST IN GOD and certainly our desire is to DWELL IN HIM."

Thank-You, Lord, for showing me these words this morning. What a glorious thing to know that You LOVE to DWELL IN ME; You LOVE ABIDING WITH ME! My heart cries to DWELL and ABIDE in Thee, too, O Lord. I in YOU and You in ME!

I long to also be "connected" with the others with whom You are ABIDING! I long for true spiritual WORSHIP together with other believers. My heart cries Your prayer of Jn. 17:21- 'That they all may be one...that they also may...be one in us: that the world may believe..."

Psalm 84:2-6a

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Nov. 1998

Scriptures personalized by me-

Psalm 84 continued-

2 MY SOUL LONGETH, YEA, EVEN FAINTETH FOR THE COURTS OF THE LORD: MY
HEART AND MY FLESH CRIETH OUT FOR THE LIVING GOD.

O Lord, all that is within me pines for Thee this morning! Lord, how I have missed our QUALITY TIME these last few months! I feel this morning that I shall quite FAINT away if I cannot walk outside and cry aloud for Thee. things have not quite been the same since my
miscarriage. O Lord, sickness has dulled my spiritual senses. Please give grace that I might walk close to Thee again! My heart and my flesh crieth out for the LIVING GOD! You are my Jehovah, my LIFE! You are the One who gives me breath today, both physically and spiritually. I feel that You have given me back my physical life, and You are beginning to revive me. And now, O Lord, be pleased to revive me spiritually as well. Although I have thoroughly enjoyed doing the indepth Bible study through Isaiah by listening to sermons
each day, I have come to realize that nothing fully replaces the deep personal study and meditation of Your Word. Lord, I NEED a personal WORD from You each day--that is LIFE! Bring LIFE! Lord, once again! "Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee." (Ps. 73:25) In Jesus' name. Amen!

3 YEA, THE SPARROW HATH FOUND AN HOUSE, AND THE SWALLOW A NEST FOR
HERSELF, WHERE SHE MAY LAY HER YOUNG, EVEN THINE ALTAR, O LORD OF HOSTS, MY KING, AND MY GOD.

The sparrow has an HABITATION, a place to dwell. The swallow has a special place, too, a very SPECIAL place for her babies, there at thine altars. O Lord, I have a SPECIAL place, too, a HOME, a HABITATION with You in the Spirit, a SPECIAL DWELLING PLACE there in
Your bosom! I long to come HOME and bring my babies with me. Receive me, Lord, as I "build my nest" and lay them there SAFELY in Your arms of love. Build them up, and most of all, keep them spiritually, Lord. Thou art my LORD Jehovah, my LIFE! Thou art my King, my Adonai, my master, and as I bow before You this morning, hear the cry of my heart!

4 BLESSED ARE THEY THAT DWELL IN THY HOUSE: THEY WILL BE STILL PRAISING THEE. SELAH.

All who "SIT DOWN...REMAIN...CONTINUE spiritually in thy house: (habitation) shall not discontinue their worship even after formal and corporate worship is over. They will STILL be praising Thee! Praising can mean "to shine...to make a show, to boast, celebrate, sing praise." Ah, Lord, how I long to continually sing and shine for Thee; how I long to continually celebrate Your PRESENCE, I in You and You in ME!

5 BLESSED IS THE MAN WHOSE STRENGTH IS IN THEE; IN WHOSE HEART ARE THE WAYS OF THEM.

Strength here can mean "security, praise, boldness...strength". I am blessed to have You, Lord, as my STRENGTH and as my SECURITY. If I am bold..if I am strong...if there is any praise in my mouth, it is only because I am IN THEE. I am certainly blessed because "thou hast guided me in thy strength unto thy holy habitation." (Ex. 15:13) "...Underneath me are Your everlasting arms.." (Deut. 33:27) "You are my strength and song and You are become my
salvation! You are my God, and I will prepare You an HABITATION..." (Ex. 15:2) By thy grace, I will prepare a HOME for You. By thy grace, O Lord, make Your HOME, Your HABITATION, here in ME! LIVE IN ME, O Lord!

Lord, the R.V. renders the 2nd part of this verse as "In whose heart are the highways to Zion. Yes, Lord, by your grace, You have placed me on the HIGHWAY to Zion, and You have put the DESIRE in my heart to be on this narrow path even though the way is a way of TEARS, as this
next verse indicates.

6a WHO PASSING THROUGH THE VALLEY OF BACA MAKE IT A WELL;

Hallelujah! I shall PASS THROUGH those valleys of Baca (VALLEYS OF WEEPING). You will see me safely through the valleys, and by Your grace, I shall be enabled to make them a WELL- (i.e. "in the sense of a SPRING; a FOUNTAIN; fig. a source (of SATISFACTION)...") It is true, O Lord, that the very hard and difficult "weeping times" of my life have indeed drawn me closer to YOU. In times like these, Your Holy Spirit has come to me as "springs of living water", (Jn. 7:37- 38) and You have become my complete SATISFACTION!

Psalm 84:6b

2009-04-01T14:25:00.001-05:00

Continuing in Psalm 84-Nov. 1998 Scripture personalized by me-

Little did I know as I wrote this that God was preparing me here in verses 6-8 for what was going to happen in verse 11 a few days later. It's amazing to me how God has me often LIVING these Psalms verse by verse as I meditate on them.:)

6b THE RAIN ALSO FILLETH THE POOLS.

"For as the RAIN cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater: So shall MY WORD be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall PROSPER in the thing whereto I sent it." (Is. 55:10-11)

RAIN is likened to Your WORD. Rain shall cause things to bring forth and bud, and Your Word causes me to bring forth fruit unto holiness for Your glory. In the "valleys of Baca" of my life there shall Your Spirit and Your RAIN (Your WORD) fill my pools! Pools can mean "benediction, prosperity, BLESSING, liberal.." Surely this is true! My "valleys of weeping" have indeed liberally prospered me spiritually and have been a sort of benediction on my life. It is a very great BLESSING! Thank-You, Lord!

But now this verse reminds me of the sermon You providentially had me listen to this morning which touched on this subject. Is. 42:16 says, "And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness
light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them."

I am often "blind" to what You are doing in my life. When I started this Christian walk many years ago, I never would have thought the I would be a sickly mother with 7 children and with a way of life that is so different from what I grew up with. You have lead me in paths that I did not know. And what will TOMORROW bring? Where will I be a year from now? What shall be the "valleys of Baca" that come between now and then? O Lord, I do not know, but I think of the song "I Don't Know About Tomorrow, But I Know Who Holds My Hand." YOU DO! Surely this song sums up this verse.

I am reminded of Paul's words in II Cor. 11:23-28-"...in labours more abundant, in stripes ABOVE MEASURE, in prisons more frequent, in deaths oft. Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one. Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in
the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness. Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches."

Earlier he said in II Cor. 1:8-"For we would not, brethren, have you ignorant of our trouble which came to us in Asia, that we were PRESSED OUT OF MEASURE, above strength, insomuch that we DESPAIRED EVEN OF LIFE:"

Surely Paul must have felt at times that You had almost forsaken him as the Psalmist says in Psalm 44:9-16, 22. I've never been tried so severely as Paul, yet I've felt almost forsaken by You, too, Lord! But You were there all the time, PRESERVING ME, loving me, and holding
me up! There was DARKNESS all around me, and I could see not light at all, but You were the "sunshine" behind the dark clouds! You had a PLAN and an EXPECTED END for me that I knew nothing about. Yes, Lord, You made darkness LIGHT before me and did not forsake me! May I remember this! You "delivered us from so great a death, and doth deliver, in whom I trust that You will YET DELIVER US" (II Cor. 1:10) in any and all dark days that lie ahead! Thank-You for Your PROMISE to me from Is. 43:1-3a - "But now this saith the LORD that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. For I am the LORD thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour:"

Psalm 84:7-10

2009-04-01T14:24:00.002-05:00

Continuing in Psalm 84-Nov. 1998-Scripture personalized by me

7 THEY GO FROM STRENGTH TO STRENGTH, EVERY ONE OF THEM IN ZION APPEARETH BEFORE GOD.

Yes, Lord, everytime I go through one of these horrible, "dark and cloudy days" which usually turns into days and days and months..., Your STRENGTH comes to me. You say to me, "In your PATIENCE possess ye your soul." (Lk .21:19)

Oh Lord, Your word says, "Blessed is the man whose strength in IN THEE!" ...Only these shall be the ones who will go from STRENGTH to STRENGTH; only these shall be the ones who will make any spiritual progress! And the reason that they are able to make SPIRITUAL
PROGRESS is because "every one of them in Zion APPEARETH BEFORE GOD"! We must habitually come before thee in order to have Your strength, to order to make any spiritual progress. "The righteous also shall hold on his way" (because of YOUR strength within him); and he that hath clean hands (by Your grace) shall by STRONGER and STRONGER!" (Jb. 17:9) Hallelujah!

Lord, I also love this verse from Prov. 4:18 - "But the path of the just is as the SHINING LIGHT; that shineth MORE and MORE unto the perfect day."

8 O LORD GOD OF HOSTS, HEAR MY PRAYER; GIVE EAR, O GOD OF JACOB. SELAH.

Yes, Lord, hear my prayer! I long for DEEP COMMUNION with You! I long for spiritual progress in my life!

9 BEHOLD, O GOD OUR SHIELD, AND LOOK UPON THE FACE OF THINE ANOINTED.

Jehovah God, "...look upon (thine anointed), our Lord Jesus, and I shall be shielded form all harm; behold the face of Your Anointed, and I shall be able to behold Your face with joy." I.."also am Your anointed, by Your grace, and my desire is that You will look upon me with an eye of love in Christ Jesus." Thank-You, Lord!

10 FOR A DAY IN THY COURTS IS BETTER THAN A THOUSAND. I HAD RATHER BE A DOORKEEPER IN THE HOUSE OF MY GOD, THAN TO DWELL IN THE TENTS OF WICKEDNESS.

Strong's definitions-
Day-"...to be hot..."
Better-"pleasant, precious, sweet, wealth..."
Dwell-"gyrate (or move in a circle), is to remain-dwell

Ah...Lord, even ONE day of intimacy (even if it's not all the way in the inner chambers with You, but only in the outer courts) is SO, SO VERY SPECIAL! It is most pleasant and precious, a time of sweetness and a gaining of spiritual wealth. A time like this is indeed better than a thousand other days when You are distant. O Lord, this verse reminds me of the SPECIAL DAY that You have given to each of us each week, the SABBATH, a day where we can spend special quality and quantity time with You. O Lord, thank-You for the Sabbath! And yes, I would rather be a "doorkeeper" in Your house than to dwell in the tents of wickedness. Even if I had to stand by the door and only get an occasional glimpse or word form You, this is indeed better than gyrating in an endless, meaningless circle of life. O Lord, how many in this world there are who are doing just that, moving around in a circle of hopelessness without Your special word. Have mercy upon them, O Lord!

Psalm 84:11-12

2009-04-01T14:23:00.000-05:00

Continuing in Psalm 84 - Nov. 1998 - Scriptures personalized by me

11a FOR THE LORD GOD IS A SUN AND SHIELD:

Lord, thank-You for the sunshine on this beautiful Sabbath morning, and thank-You that You are the "SUNSHINE" of my life! You have commanded Your "light" to shine through my darkness, and this "light" has been the "entrance of THY WORDS". (II Cor. 4:6, Ps. 18:28, Ps.
119:130) Without the sun, there can be no physical life; without Thee, there can be no spiritual life!

As the sun warms up the earth, so have You "warmed" up our hearts to spiritual things. As the sun causes things to grow and to be fruitful, so we can bear "fruit" for Your glory when You have become the "SUNSHINE" of our lives!

Job said in 30:28, "I went mourning without the sun." Surely we, too, would go mourning without the SON.

Lord, God Almighty, God of TRUTH, Your TRUTH is our shield. (Ps. 91:4) You say to us, "Every WORD of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him." (Prov. 30:5) Yes, Your Word is our protection from all the fiery darts of the wicked one! Your "truth
shall be our shield and buckler...We shall not be afraid...For You shall give Your angels charge over us, to keep us in ALL our ways." (Ps 91:4b, 5a, 11)

11b THE LORD WILL GIVE GRACE AND GLORY:

O Lord, what a wonderful promise! You WILL give us GRACE - grace to love You, grace to obey You, grace to "keep on keepin' on"! And You will give us GLORY and honor us, and then we shall say "All glory goes to Thee" for YOU have given us the grace to obey. "For it is God
which worketh in us both to will and to do of His good pleasure." (Phil.2:13)

Remember this was written in Nov. 1998-

Lord, several days have passed since all the "scary" things that happened day after day last week...and THEN...the accident...but You HAVE given GRACE! Surely You HAVE been our SHIELD! WHY, O Lord... why didn't I fall apart when the man came to the door and said "Your husband has been in an accident"? After verifying that my dear husband was at the hospital emergency room, the normally scared, fearful me jumped into the van and chatted about salvation all the way to the hospital. I'm still "stunned" by my response. You know
I'm not like that, Lord! It must have been YOU! My natural response would have been worry and intense fear that he was DEAD, but somehow YOU gave me faith that he was still alive. Passing the crash site, the infamous intersection with no stop signs of which I had
repeatedly asked the city and county to do something about, and seeing our van lying out in the field ,was difficult... but how thankful I was to see that the truck had hit him from the passenger side instead of his side. How thankful I was to know that none of the children were in the van with him! I was relieved to hear the officer say that he walked after the crash, although I found out soon enough that it was the other man who walked. I'm sure it was
YOUR doing that the officer made the "mistake", for I would have been horribly struck with fear if I had known the real facts - that he was having trouble breathing and could not move himself. My poor husband is in horrible pain in the hospital right now with a fractured
vertebrae in his back, and my eyes filled with tears this morning as I longed to be with him once again and hold his hand. Somehow give me STRENGTH today to go again, and please give me STRENGTH to take care of a totally bed-ridden husband for weeks after they bring him home. You know it's just a sick person with no transportation taking care of a sick person with a broken back. Lord, I need Your HELP! Thank-You so much for this verse!

11c NO GOOD THING WILL HE WITHHOLD FROM THEM THAT WALK UPRIGHTLY.

Thank-You, Lord, for this beautiful promise! Surely this is another one of our "valleys of Baca", but it is a "good thing". I'm trusting You, Lord, to work BEAUTIFUL things in our lives because of this. Especially give us the "good things" of Your Spirit! Hallelujah!

12 O LORD OF HOSTS, BLESSED IS THE MAN THAT TRUSTETH IN THEE.

Give me grace, Lord, to TRUST in Thee, and I shall be BLESSED! Thank- You, Lord! In Jesus' name. Amen!

Love Song - Song of Solomon 8: 6a,7a; also 2:8-10

2009-04-01T14:21:00.002-05:00

Nov./Dec. 1998 (mostly) Scriptures personalized by me

"KEEP yourselves in the LOVE of God..." (Jude 1:21)

How, Lord? By meditating on these things!

Song of Solomon 8: 6a, 7a

SET ME AS A SEAL UPON THINE HEART, AS A SEAL UPON THINE ARM: FOR LOVE IS STRONG AS DEATH...MANY WATERS CANNOT QUENCH LOVE, NEITHER CAN THE FLOODS DROWN IT..."

When a seal is set, there can be NO CHANGING it! Lord, You have loved me with an EVERLASTING LOVE! How can I praise Thee enough? With lovingkindness have You drawn me unto Yourself. (Jer. 31:3) You have set me already as a seal upon Your hand because You have said to me "Behold I have GRAVEN thee upon the palms of my hands.." (Is. 49:16) . Surely the seal upon your hand and the seal upon Your arm is a picture of the seal upon Your HEART! FOREVER and EVER my name is written upon Your heart, and it cannot be erased because of the precious blood of the Lord Jesus Christ! Hallelujah! I know that the deep everlasting love You have for me is a SETTLED thing forever and ever! "You have brought me to the banqueting house, and Your banner over me is LOVE..Your left hand is under my head, and Your right hand doth embrace me." (Song. 2:4,6) I am Thine, and You are mine FOREVER and FOREVER! "I am Your beloved, and Your desire is toward me!" (Song. 7:10) And as You hold me here, there on the wall above us is a special plaque which you made and wrote just for me. It says, "I will always LOVE you!...Jehovah God".

Death is an inevitable thing! It WILL happen unless You rapture me first. One of the two WILL HAPPEN! What an awesome thought! Death is so strong...so very, very strong! There is NOTHING that can stop it! Lord, You know I experienced this when Little Timothy died. There was NOTHING I could do to prevent it from happening! Lord, Your Word to me today is "LOVE IS STRONG AS DEATH!" Your LOVE FOR ME is as strong as death! That kind of love will NEVER FAIL! It cannot stop or change! The banner will always be over my head, and Your arms of love will always surround me! I love You, too...but only because You
first loved me and drew me to Yourself with "wooing love".

"Many waters cannot quench love, neither can The floods drown it!" NOTHING can come between me and Thee! No troubles..no sicknesses...no distresses, persecutions, nakedness, peril, or sword...NOTHING shall be able to separate me from YOUR LOVE! (Rom. 8:35-39) "Fear not", You say to me, "for I have redeemed Thee, I have called thee by thy name; THOU ART MINE. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee:..." (Is. 43:1b-2a) Thank-You, Lord, that NOTHING shall quench Your love for me. It will always be as strong as death!

In Jesus' name. Amen!

LOVE SONG
Song of Solomon 2:8, 10

I am in the "floods", Lord....but.....The voice of (YOU), my beloved,...Behold You come leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills" saying "Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come
away,"...and my heart cries, "Yes, yes!" as the tears stream down my face! Amen!

Psalm 103:1-5

2009-04-01T14:21:00.001-05:00

Written Jan. 1999

Psalm 103:1-5

1 BLESS THE LORD, O MY SOUL: AND ALL THAT IS WITHIN ME, BLESS HIS HOLY NAME.

O my soul, BLESS the LORD! Bless the LORD "which holdeth (thy) soul in life..." (Ps. 66:9) Bless the LORD, Sherry, with everything you've got - with all that is within thee - with body, soul, and spirit! Bless the LORD especially with thy SPIRIT, Sherry. Bless His HOLY NAME and all His wonderful attributes!

2 BLESS THE LORD, O MY SOUL, AND FORGET NOT ALL HIS BENEFITS:

Yes, bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his BENEFITS to thee this day! The benefit of a good nights' sleep without sleeping aids is such a great blessing. Forget it not! The benefit of a day without intense hunger and stomach burning is such a great blessing.
Forget it not! The benefit of organic meat, supplements, and medicines for thy body is such a great blessing. Forget it not! The benefit of a sunny day and a quiet spot away from noise and stress is such a great blessing. Forget it not! And most of all, a clear mind this morning to meditate on God's Word and a hunger and thirst and desire to do so, is the greatest blessing of all! Bless the LORD, O my soul!

3 WHO FORGIVETH ALL THINE INIQUITIES; WHO HEALETH ALL THY DISEASES;

Bless the Lord, Sherry, for He forgiveth ALL thine iniquities - even thy horrible sin of fear. He has cast thy sins away and removed them as far as the east is from the west. And yes, He HEALETH all thy diseases! He is in the process of healing thee. The healing shall come - sooner or later. It shall come instantly at death, and maybe before. It SHALL come! Thou shalt fly to the arms of Jesus and have no more discomfort, no more pain, no more need for sleep, no more fear about intense suffering and dying. Thou shalt live forever, and thou shalt be happy and well! (Bless the LORD, O my soul...who healeth ALL (MY) DISEASES!

4 WHO REDDEMETH THY LIFE FROM DESTRUCTION; WHO CROWNETH THEE WITH
LOVINGKINDNESS AND TENDER MERCIES;

He has redeemed thy life! Jesus bought it back by His blood! Hallelujah! No hell for thee, Sherry! Praise His Name! He has encircled thee with MERCY. Thou art His little one, and He LOVES you! Some mornings you feel nothing but hopelessness and despair. You find
it hard to hear His voice, and you wonder if He's really there at all...UNTIL you feel the sparkling crown of "lovingkindness" that He gently places upon thy head. Yes, He IS always there with thee. He LOVES thee! Thou art His precious child!

"Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands...", He whispers to thee. He LOVES thee!

5 WHO SATISFIETH THY MOUTH WITH GOOD THINGS; SO THAT THY YOUTH IS RENEWED LIKE THE EAGLES.

There is a promise for thee today? Yes! As you "eat the Word", He shall give thee youth and spiritual renewal like the eagles' so that you may SOAR again with His strength! (Bless the Lord, O my soul!)

Phil. 1:21-23 on Death

2009-03-31T11:19:00.002-05:00

Jan. 1999

During this time in my life I was thinking a lot about death because I felt like I was dying, even though I guess I wasn't. :) I just loved Piper's thoughts which I will share here:

Phil. 1:21-23

It Is Great Gain to Die Five Reasons Why

by Dr. John Piper (Emphasized by me)

1. At the moment of death, spirits will be made PERFECT. There will be NO MORE SIN in us. We will be done with the inner war and the heartrending disappointments of offending the Lord who loved us and gave himself for us...

2. At the moment of death, we will be relieved of the PAIN of this world...

3. At the moment of death, we will be given profound REST in our soul. There will be a serenity beneath the eye and care of God that surpasses anything we have known here on the softest summer evening beside the most peaceful lake at our most happy moments...

4. At the moment of death, we will experience a deep "AT-HOMENESS". The whole human race is HOMESICK FOR GOD WITHOUT KNOWING IT. When we go home to Christ there will be a contentment beyond any sense of security and peace we have ever known. "We are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home
with the Lord." (2 Corinthians 5:8)

5. At the moment of death, we will be WITH CHRIST. Christ is a more wonderful person than anyone on earth. He is wiser, stronger, and kinder than anyone you enjoy spending time with...Therefore Paul said, "BUT I AM HARD-PRESSED FROM BOTH DIRECTIONS. HAVING THE DESIRE TO DEPART AND BE WITH CHRIST, FOR THAT IS VERY MUCH BETTER." (Phil. 1:21-23)

With these five reasons for counting death gain, we only scratch the surface of wonder. There is more-so much more!

-(From Piper's book-Savoring the Supremacy of God In All Of Life-A Godward Life) Used with permissison. Listen to some of Piper's audio sermons on-line at www.desiringGod.org

Psalm 97:11

2009-03-31T11:19:00.001-05:00

Feb. 1999

In the midst of sickness and wondering whether or not I would ever have a day of feeling half-way well again, my dear husband began talking about "missions" again. I didn't see how in the world I could do it, but God moved my heart with the desire to go to Mexico, and I
began praying for the Tarahumara Indians. Before the year was up we did take a trip to Mexico and thought we might stay...but my husband made the decision to return. It was a very hard trip for me with my illness, but I feel like the Lord worked some "mini-miracles" for me in that I didn't get worse by going , and I think He also used the trip to show my family just how sick I really was with MCS.

Psalm 97:11

LIGHT IS SOWN FOR THE RIGHTEOUS, AND GLADNESS FOR THE UPRIGHT IN HEART.

Lord, yesterday You sprinkled my heart with HOPE again by sending this verse my way! Can I claim its promise? How can I claim to be righteous and upright in heart? Only by Your shed blood and Your imputed righteousness to me! The seed of LIGHT has been planted, and
by Your grace, LIGHT is growing in me. Like the morning sun that is getting brighter and brighter, ILLUMINATION and understanding are coming my way little by little, and true happiness is the result. This is true, and I rejoice in it today! Thank-You, Lord, for this
special heaven-sent verse which has brought sunshine to my heart again in the midst of days of sadness. The promise to me is GLADNESS...joyfulness and rejoicing...true PLEASURE IN THEE and in Your work. This is Your promise to me. It shall come in FULLNESS
someday, and it shall last forever! Hallelujah!

Yesterday I took this promise of GLADNESS, and You burst forth in my heart HOPE again....HOPE for the mission field...and DESIRE! Lord, is there REALLY a calling on our lives for such a mission? Humanly speaking this seems so utterly impossible, but You have given me a DREAM...a HOPE...a PRAYER for the Tarahumara Indians. Even if nothing comes of it, still it is the fulfillment of Your promise to me in this verse...for GLADNESS has come my way! And I pray that my burden for the Tarahumara will only grow stronger and stronger! I especially pray for that precious Tarahumara mother SOMEWHERE who, like me, is struggling with sickness in her body because of the poisoned waters. Open her heart for truth, and may the gospel come to her in power. And if You will, send me!

Psalm 96:1

2009-03-31T11:18:00.001-05:00

Heavy sickness can wear us down, can't it? I didn't realize how it was really affecting me till everyone said, "You stay in your room so much!You seem so depressed!" etc. I didn't feel that depressed really. I was having wonderful times with the Lord, but perhaps I really did need to meditate on some happier Psalms. So this is the Psalm the Lord led me to!

Feb. 1999

Psalm 96

1 O SING UNTO THE LORD A NEW SONG; SING UNTO THE LORD, ALL THE EARTH.

Sing, Sherry, sing! Sing a NEW song unto the Lord! All praise be to HIM-for old, worldly songs are now a grief to thine heart!

Sing, Sherry, sing! This is God's Word to thee today! "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.." (Prov. 17:22) Sing to the LORD! Let your Psalms turn into personal prayers and praises sung with sweetness to the lover of thy soul! Don't sing just to be singing! Don't sing just "words", but "sing ye praises with UNDERSTANDING" (Ps. 47:7b)! May the words you sing be the deep MEDITATIONS of your heart, and as you sing, take each verse and apply it directly to your personal situation today.

Sing, Sherry, sing! Sing a NEW song! The same lovely old words in the Psalms have been sung a "hundred" times, yet by His grace, THIS time God shall open them up in a NEW WAY, and they shall be a NEW song for thee TODAY!

Sing, Sherry, sing! Then humbly bow before the Lord, for thou art blessed. To be able to sing a NEW SONG is a great GIFT from God. Old Testament words packed with New Testament meaning and understanding...And understanding now comes because God hath given
thee a NEW HEART. Bow before Him and give Him praise!

"And they sung AS IT WERE a NEW SONG before the throne..and no man could learn that song BUT the hundred and forty and four thousand, which were REDEEMED from the earth." (Rev. 14:3) "...The natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned." (I Cor. 2:14)

"And they sing the SONG OF MOSES the servant of God, and the SONG OF THE LAMB."(Rev. 15:3)...Are these two songs really one in the same?...Old Testament words packed with New Testament meaning and understanding?...

COMPARE Old Testament and New Testament verses! Aren't these verses basically saying the same thing?

Old Testament

"I will sing unto the LORD, for he hath TRIUMPHED GLORIOUSLY, the horse and his rider hath he thrown into the sea...", sang Moses. (Ex. 15)

New Testament

JESUS through death...(destroyed) him that had the power of death, that is, the devil: and DELIVERED them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage." (Heb. 2: 14b-15)

Old Testament

"Thou in the MERCY hast led forth the people which thou hast REDEEMED," sang Moses. (Ex. 15)

New Testament

But God, who is rich in MERCY...hath QUICKENED us together with CHRIST...(Eph. 2:4-5) "And they sung a NEW SONG, saying, Thou (Christ) art worthy to take the book, and to open the seals thereof: for thou wast slain and hast REDEEMED us to God by thy blood..."(Rev. 5:9)

Old Testament

"Thou hast GUIDED them in thy strength unto thy HOLY HABITATION," sang Moses (Ex. 15)

New Testament

"And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in HEAVENLY PLACES in Christ Jesus." (Eph. 2:6) "Howbeit when he the Spirit of Truth, is come, he will GUIDE you into all truth..." (Jn. 16:13)

Old Testament

"Thou shalt bring them in, and plant them in the MOUNTAIN of thine INHERITANCE...", sang Moses. (Ex. 15)

New Testament

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of JESUS CHRIST from the dead to an INHERITANCE incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in HEAVEN for you..." (1 Peter 1:3-4)

Old Testament words packed with New Testament meaning and understanding...

Psalm 96:2-3

2009-03-31T11:17:00.002-05:00

Continuing in Psalm 96 -

2 SING UNTO THE LORD, BLESS HIS NAME; SHEW FORTH HIS SALVATION FROM DAY TO DAY.

"Sing unto the LORD! Sing unto the LORD! Sing unto the LORD!" God wants thee to get the MESSAGE, Sherry, for THRICE it is stated! And Spurgeon says, "Thrice is the name of the Lord repeated, and not without meaning. Is it not unto the Three-One Lord that the enlightened nations will sing?"

Bless His name, Sherry! This word "bless" means "to kneel". Kneel before Him today and show Him reverence! Kneel before Him and ADORE Him! Kneel before Him and BLESS HIS NAME! Remember His NAME...His attributes...His character...and lavish upon Him your words of deep thanksgiving and LOVE!

SHEW forth His salvation!

"SHEW" means "..to be fresh, i.e. full (fosy, fig. cheerful); to announce (glad news): messenger, preach, publish, shew forth, (bear, bring, carry, preach, good, tell...) tidings."

Sherry, shine forth with a smile on your face and a song on your lips...like the bright rays of the sun! May your outward actions reflect the deep work that God has done and is still doing within your heart daily! Shine forth and show forth...day after day...the REALITY of God's salvation in your life and the continuing deliverance from sin as you bear "fruit" for His glory - LOVE, JOY, PEACE, LONGSUFFERING, GOODNESS, FAITH, MEEKNESS, TEMPERANCE. (Gal. 5:22-23) In the midst of all your trials, "...GLORIFY God...in your SPIRIT. (I COR. 6:20) Faith instead of fear...joy instead of complaining...love and service to others instead of preoccupation with self...! LOVE! Show forth His salvation from day to day, especially within your home, by LOVE!

"According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be HOLY and without BLAME before him in LOVE:" Dr. John Piper says, "The point of the little phrase "in love" in Eph. 1:4 is this: Your DESTINY before you were ever created...your
destiny was that you would become a child of God and take on a FAMILY LIKENESS, and the essence of the family likeness is HOLINESS and BLAMELESSNESS. And the heart of holiness and blamelessness is LOVE to one another and to God!"

3 DECLARE HIS GLORY AMONG THE HEATHEN, HIS WONDERS AMONG ALL PEOPLE.

CELEBRATE God's glory by speaking and writing! Tell of His mighty works in the days of the Exodus. Recount His miracles in Galilee. Be a first-hand witness and give TESTIMONY of what He has done for you, Sherry! Celebrate God's glory in your home among your precious
children; celebrate God's glory among the peoples of the world.

Here is a message for you, Sherry. Pay close attention and beseech the Lord to show you HOW you can begin to be a MISSIONARY to those who prefer God's glorious gifts instead of God Himself. And pray especially that God would show you HOW to share the good news also
with those of other tongues.

Psalm 96:4

2009-03-31T11:17:00.001-05:00

Continuing in Psalm 96-

Most thoughts by Dr. John Piper- www.desiringGod.org

4a FOR THE LORD IS GREAT, AND GREATLY TO BE PRAISED:

The LORD IS great, and you need to praise Him not a little - but GREATLY! This is the real REASON were created, Sherry!

4b HE IS TO BE FEARED ABOVE ALL GODS.

And why must He be FEARED? Because we have all failed to glorify God. Piper says,

1. "In stead of glorifying God by loving Him, we have neglected, disdained Him, loved other things more than Him, and gotten a lot more "kicks" out of the world than out of Christ.

2. Instead of glorifying God by trusting Him and finding our security and our hope and our welfare in Him, we have sought security and hope with money and technology and our own initiatives and weapons - but not in God.

3. Instead of Glorifying God with gratitude for life and breath and everything, we have treated life as a 'right', and we have treated happiness as something we deserve instead of an absolutely free and gracious gift of God which He did not have to give us and for which
we ought to thank him every moment of our lives.

4. Instead of glorifying Him by obeying Him and seeking His counsel on our sex lives, our politics, our finances, our relationships, our attitudes, we haven't consulted Him 90% of the time in the choices we've made. We have written Him off, back-balled Him, ignored Him,
brought contempt upon Him through our indifference!

He has offered Himself to us for the enjoyment of the glory of His grace and the glory of His beauty and the glory of His generosity and the glory of His wisdom and the glory of His strength...all of His glory! We have looked Him over, sniffed at Him a little bit, and
turned to:

MONEY
SEX
POWER
FAMILY
RELATIONSHIPS
HOBBIES

He simply doesn't get 1/2% of most people's attention and affection. That's a slap in the face. That's a "spit" in the face of God. And that's no exaggeration! We have exchanged His glory for this world!

God is righteous, and His righteousness is His commitment to uphold the worth of this glory. Therefore since we have desecrated the glory of God...every day His righteousness commits Him to oppose us. A just condemnation hangs over the head of every human being. God
will sentence us all to hell in the end if we do not find a way of escape because He's holy and righteous, and He's committed to upholding the worth of His glory.

A crime is blameworthy, wicked, and evil in direct proportion to the worth of the one assaulted. You can smack as many mosquitoes as you want and not an eye brow will be raised..Why? Because they're not worth anything. You try to do that to dogs, and you'll get into trouble. Horses? More trouble! People - you will die or sit in jail the rest of your life...

God is the infinite worth of the universe. God is the TREASURE, and therefore the blameworthiness, the evil, the wickedness of any act that degrades, heaps scorn upon or contempt upon God, is immeasurably horrible and heinous and worthy of eternal and infinite condemnation.

Now this simply will not make sense in a world where God is a millimeter tall..." BUT the LORD JEHOVAH is NOT a millimeter tall!

"(He) made us - hold us in being by the Word of His power - knows the atom and all of its pieces - has named every one of the billions of galaxies and calls them by name. He is God, infinite in glory, infinite in worth, infinite in majesty and purity and holiness. And we are no bigger than a little, tiny, minuscule ant on this earth which is among all the billions of the galaxies. And we scorn Him with our disbelief; we scorn Him with our lack of faith; we scorn Him with our two second devotions; we scorn Him with our fear of witness; we scorn Him every day by our attitudes of irritability and unkindness and lack of love. We heap scorn upon God every day even after we are saved.

The great danger that the human race faces today is not nuclear war; it's not AIDS; it's not environmental catastrophes; it's not crime; its' not racial strife. The greatest danger that we are exposed to is the WRATH OF GOD. Everything else pales in comparison to an omnipotent God opposing us with His wrath. That's the greatest danger that humans face!"

BUT...is there hope? Is there an answer? Yes...read on...

Psalm 96:5-6

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5 FOR ALL THE GODS OF THE NATIONS ARE IDOLS; BUT THE LORD MADE THE HEAVENS.

IDOLS-The definition from Strong's includes "good for NOTHING...vanity, no value, thing of naught."Idols are "NO THINGS- NOTHINGS"! Anything that TAKES THE PLACE OF GOD is vanity, and any sin that has a "grip" on our lives is an IDOL. In light of eternity, it is NOTHING - of no value!

"Only one short life;
'Twill soon be past.
Only what's done for Christ
Will last!"

Once again, stop and meditate on this, Sherry!

The imaginary gods of the nations are "nothings" because they aren't real. They aren't alive. "Behold, they are all vanity; their works are nothing: their molten images are wind and confusion." (Is. 41:29) Emptiness (like wind), instead of SATISFACTION from God, reigns in
the hearts of those who worship "NOTHINGS". These idols are only figments of men's imagination, and the deceived worshippers are really bowing to Satan, the god of this world.

We have all EXCHANGED the GLORY of GOD for VANITIES-THINGS WE LOVE MORE THAN GOD. God's Word to us is "...turn from these vanities unto the living God, which made heaven and earth, and the sea, and all things that are therein." (Acts 14:15) "ALL things" includes you, Sherry, and the God who made you has a CLAIM upon your life. The REASON you were made was to "GLORIFY GOD BY ENJOYING HIM FOREVER"! (Quote by Piper) Don't BOTCH UP your life and the REASON for your existence!

6 HONOR AND MAJESTY ARE BEFORE HIM; STRENGTH AND BEAUTY ARE IN HIS
SANCTUARY.

Jehovah is thy royal King, thy Adonai, thy Master, full of truth and excellency...His honor and majesty are before Him. As you hide with Him in the quiet, hallowed spot of His sanctuary, you shall be "set apart and consecrated" in HIS strength and beauty. HIS SECURITY shall
be yours, and HIS BEAUTY shall be yours. You shall reflect His glory, and HE SHALL BE GLORIFIED when you are completely SATISFIED in Him! "He gets the glory! You get the joy!" (Quote by Piper) THIS is the REASON for your existence! So..."ENTER into the ROCK (into Christ), and hide thee in the dust (in humility), for FEAR of the LORD, and for the GLORY of his MAJESTY." (Is. 2:10)

(I have a "meditation on Is. 2:10 if you are interested. Just e-mail me for it.:))

Psalm 96:7-8

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7&8 GIVE UNTO THE LORD, O YE KINDREDS OF THE PEOPLE, GIVE UNTO THE LORD GLORY AND STRENGTH. GIVE UNTO THE LORD THE GLORY DUE UNTO HIS NAME: BRING AN OFFERING, AND COME INTO HIS COURTS.

Yes, don't you want to SHOUT in from the moutaintops, Sherry? Shout..."GIVE UNTO THE LORD, O ye kindreds of the people, give unto the Lord GLORY and STRENGTH! Give unto the LORD the glory due unto his name: bring an offering, and come into his courts." Three times it is said, 'GIVE UNTO THE LORD.' God created you for His glory, so bring YOURSELVES as an offering to him. Give yourselves to the Lord who made you! Fulfill the purpose for which you were made! God IS full of glory and strength already, but He wants you to MAGNIFY His glory and strength by putting your full TRUST in Him!"

Share these illustrations by Piper which will help others to see what it means to GLORIFY God's beauty and strength...

1) "If there's a beautiful flower arrangement...how do you glorify that arrangement? Do you glorify it by saying, "I (need) to go get some more daises and work on it a little more. It needs a little more greenery and a little more orange..!" That's an insult to the flower arrangement. The way you glorify a flower arrangement is by ENJOYING it, by DELIGHTING in it, and by SPEAKING EXCITEDLY of it to the people who are near you!...If you love the flower arrangement, you will delight yourself in it, and that glorifies it! (modified illustration)

2)Suppose someone makes an excellent meal for you, and it is not only tasty, it is also beautiful on the table, and its' nutritious. It's the kind of thing you ought to eat as well as like to east. How do you glorify the cook? Do you glorify the cook by putting on an apron and saying..."We got to work on this!.." You go out in the kitchen and add some more spices,and you say "Oh, we don't have any chips!"...No, the way to glorify the cook is to eat a lot of the
food, and when you are done to say things like "m-mm" (and "ah!"..(We call that WORSHIP...!")

3) Suppose it's your duty to glorify the strength of a new alloy, a metal that has been created by somebody, and it is in a bridge that holds a road across a chasm...How do you glorify the strength of the alloy? Do you glorify the strength of that alloy by buying some two by fours and working up a sweat propping up the bridge before you go over. No, that's a dishonor to the alloy. The way you glorify that alloy is by gathering all your family...and with not one whiff of anxiety, drive right across the bridge, singing as you go."

Psalm 96:9

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9 O WORSHIP THE LORD IN THE BEAUTY OF HOLINESS: FEAR BEFORE HIM, ALL THE EARTH.

The message you must proclaim, Sherry, is the message of HOLINESS. The purity of God cannot pass over sin and sweep it under the rug. Without holiness, "no man shall see the Lord." (Heb. 12:14) "We all have failed to glorify Him, and we are all most UNholy", you must
proclaim. "FEAR before Him, ALL the earth!" you shall say.

"So is there no hope?" the people will cry. And THEN you may share the GOOD NEWS!...

You shall say, "O worship the LORD in the BEAUTY OF HOLINESS..Prostrate thyself before Him in true repentance, and He shall throw upon thee the beautiful, pure mantle of Christ's
righteousness. HIS PERFECTION shall be thine own by FAITH, and He shall be thy TREASURE, thy PEARL of GREAT PRICE! Then thou shalt be able to worship the LORD in the beauty of HIS HOLINESS!

You shall say, "The GOOD NEWS is that although the Father is a great God of wrath, He is also a great God of love who designed a way of deliverance for sinners by sending His own Son, Jesus Christ, to experience His wrath upon the cross and the horrible "spanking" for
their sin and indifference to Him. By FAITH, they shall be forgiven, and by FAITH, they shall be made HOLY.

You may proclaim again as soon as they have taken JESUS as their TREASURE, "O worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness.." "And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all men,...to the end he may STABLISH your HEARTS
unblameable IN HOLINESS before God.."(I Thess. 3: 12-13) "For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be CONFORMED TO THE IMAGE OF HIS SON..." (Rom 8:29) He saved you to MAKE YOU HOLY!" And the very God of peace SANCTIFY you wholly...Faithful is he that calleth you, who also WILL DO IT." (I Thess. 5:23-24) If we are His dear children, He IS in the process of making us HOLY. Oh, praise His name!"

"O worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness: fear before him, all the earth..."

Stop, Sherry, and consider this verse for thyself as well..Spurgeon says, "'Tremble' is the word in the original, and it expresses the profoundest awe, just as the word 'worship' does, which would be more accurately translated by 'bow down.' Even the bodily frame would be moved to trembling and prostration if men were thoroughly conscious of the power and glory of Jehovah...

There is a sacred trembling which is quite consistent with joy, the heart may even quiver with an awful excess of delight. The sight of the King in his beauty caused no alarm to John in Patmos, and yet it made him fall at his feet as dead. Oh, to behold him an worship him
with prostrate awe and sacred fear!"

Psalm 96:10-13

2009-03-31T11:13:00.000-05:00

Psalm 96:10-13

10a SAY AMONG THE HEATHEN THAT THE LORD REIGNETH:

Yes, Sherry...say among the heathen that the LORD REIGNETH! Declare to the lost and to those of other tongues that the LORD ascends to the throne. He is the Sovereign God of the universe, and He says, "Remember the former things of old: for I am God, and there is NONE ELSE; I am God, and there is one like me, DECLARING THE END FROM THE BEGINNING, and from ancient times the things that are not yet done, saying, MY COUNSEL SHALL STAND, and I will do all my pleasure: calling a ravenous bird from the east, the man that executeth my counsel from a far country: YEA, I HAVE SPOKEN IT, I WILL ALSO BRING
IT TO PASS; I HAVE PURPOSED IT, I WILL ALSO DO IT." (Is. 49:9-11) Declare to the world, Sherry, that the sovereign Lord rules!

10b THE WORLD ALSO SHALL BE ESTABLISHED THAT IT SHALL NOT BE MOVED: HE SHALL JUDGE THE PEOPLE RIGHTEOUSLY.

When the seventh angel sounds,..."The kingdoms of this world (will) become the kingdoms of our Lord, and of his Christ; and he shall reign for ever and ever." (Rev. 11:15) "And there was given him dominion, and glory, and a kingdom, that ALL PEOPLE, NATIONS, and LANGUAGES, should serve him: his dominion is an everlasting dominion, which shall not pass away, and his kingdom that which shall not be destroyed." (Dan. 7:14) His kingdom fails not, and He rules RIGHTLY! All sin shall be judged, and "...whosoever is) not found written in the book of life (will be) cast into the lake of fire." (Rev. 20:15)

11-12a LET THE HEAVENS REJOICE, AND LET THE EARTH BE GLAD; LET THE SEA ROAR, AND THE FULLNESS THEREOF. LET THE FIELD BE JOYFUL, AND ALL THAT IS THEREIN:

Yes, everything that God made is DOING what He had planned for it to DO, and this is showing forth His GLORY, and He is being magnified! Let the heavens and earth CONTINUE to rejoice and glorify him...They SHALL... They SHALL! The heavens and earth SHALL CONTINUE to rejoice and glorify Him. The sun is bringing forth light and warmth for us in
the daytime, and the moon and stars are directing us in the night. The seas roar and show forth God's mighty power! Let the field continue to bring forth food for man and beast! Let every creature within the seas and fields joyfully fulfill the purpose for which they were made! May YOU fulfill the purpose for which YOU were made, Sherry!

12b-13 THEN SHALL ALL THE TREES OF THE WOOD REJOICE BEFORE THE LORD: FOR HE COMETH, HE COMETH TO JUDGE THE EARTH; HE SHALL JUDGE THE WORLD IN RIGHTEOUSNESS, AND THE PEOPLE WITH HIS TRUTH.

But also..."We know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now." (Rom. 8:22)...waiting for the PERFECTION..THEN shall nature REALLY PRAISE!

THEN...when Christ comes...shall the woods really rejoice! The birds within the trees shall sing a more beautiful song than they have ever sung before! THEN shall there be a new heavens and a new earth wherein dwelleth RIGHTEOUSNESS...no more curse...no more decay...NO
MORE SIN! Hallelujah! When the LORD comes, the wicked shall be punished, and sin shall be gone...righteousness and truth shall be forever! And the LORD shall REIGN in the fullest sense!

Proclaim these words to the world, Sherry! Let this psalm be a "missionary hymn" for thee- a hymn of praise- a hymn about the GLORY OF GOD- a hymn that will say to all - "The chief end of man is to GLORIFY GOD BY ENJOYING HIM FOREVER!" and "God is most glorified
in us when we are most SATISFIED in Him." (Quotes by Piper)

Psalm 23:1a

2009-03-31T11:12:00.002-05:00

Written Feb. and March 1999

Psalm 23

1a THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD;

"The LORD is my shepherd!" Thank-You, Jesus, that YOU are my shepherd- because out of all the people who love me, YOU are the One who loves me most. YOU are the One who loves me perfectly. YOU are the only One who can take care of me. I am Yours, and You are mine!

"The LORD IS my shepherd!" Yes, You ARE! By Your grace, I'm Your little sheep, and You ARE my shepherd. It's not a MAYBE, but in truth and reality You ARE my shepherd.

"The LORD is MY shepherd!" You are my PERSONAL shepherd. You are the shepherd of many others as well, but when You speak to me, I am all alone with You, and I have Your full attention. I praise You that You can be MY shepherd personally anytime I need You. What a mighty God! You are all things to all of Your sheep at all times! I praise Your wonderful NAME!

"The LORD is my SHEPHERD!"

Shepherd - 7462 in Strong's- "to tend a flock; i.e. pasture it; intrans. to graze (lit. or fig.); gen. to rule by extens. to associate with (as a friend): -x break, companion, keep company with...feed, use as a friend, make friendship with, herdsman, keep (sheep)...pastor...shepherd...

"Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name: thou art mine " (Is. 43:1b), You say to me. You are my shepherd,my FRIEND that I "keep company with". You are my ruler, and You are the One who feeds me both physically and spiritually.

It is said of Thee, "He shall FEED his flock like a shepherd: he shall GATHER the lambs with his arm, and CARRY them IN HIS BOSOM, and shall gently lead those that are with young." (Is. 40:11) Thank- You, for this wonderful PROMISE to me!

You are my shepherd, and I am Your little sheep, by grace. "I am the good shepherd," You say to me. "The good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep." (Jn. 10:11) Thank-You, Lord, for giving Your life for ME! Yes, I am Your little sheep, and I tend to so easily go astray as all little sheep are prone to do. Thank-You, dear Jesus, Shepherd of my soul, for continually finding me and bringing me back to Your bosom again. And as my GOOD SHEPHERD, You will provide for me and keep me from danger. When I am in Your bosom, I am in SAFETY. Thank-You, Jesus!

W.M. Thornson, P.D., in "The Land and the Book" writes,

Some sheep always keep near the shepherd and are his special favorites. Each of them has a name, to which it answers joyfully, and the kind shepherd is ever distributing to such, choice portions which he gathers for that purpose. These are the contented and happy ones. They are in no danger of getting lost or into mischief, nor do wild beasts or thieves come near them. (I long to be a sheep like this, my Lord!) The great body, however, are more worldlings, intent
upon their mere pleasures or selfish interests. They run from bush to bush, searching for variety or delicacies, and only now and then lift their heads to see where the shepherd is...

Psalm 23:1b-2a

2009-03-31T11:12:00.001-05:00

As I read and type these words that I wrote in Jan.-Feb. 1999, they are a blessing to me now in my current situation also. If the economic situation and/or more terrorist activity/war cuts off our special food and supplements, I shall have to read what the Lord spoke to me here over and over again....

The "somewhere" I was going here was to Mexico. Even though I was quite sick at the time and the trip was a "nightmare", the Lord held me in His arms of LOVE , gave me several special promises from the Scriptures which I "lived on", and allowed me to safely return to an
even better place than I had before. He also continued to provide the special food and supplements that I was concerned about losing. I just want to share this and praise His Name!

1b I SHALL NOT WANT.

Thank-You, Lord, for this verse! - "But my God shall supply ALL your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." (Phil. 4:19)

Lord, You have always given me everything I really needed in the past, and You shall do so in the future. You have not promised me a life free from suffering, but until the day of my death, You shall give me all that I really NEED. All I REALLY need is YOU!

My dear husband has found a buyer for our trailer, and he thinks we're going SOMEWHERE - not sure exactly where, but probably to the mission field. I feel a little bit like Abraham and Sarah this morning. At times it seems so utterly impossible since I'm so sick, but I must remember that You are the God who works above and beyond what we are able to ask or think. In Your time and in Your way, You shall supply everything that I need. I fall into Your arms of love this morning - not knowing where I'm going or how I'm going to get there or how I will be able to survive if I don't have special food and supplements, etc. Maybe You shall indeed heal me, and then I shall not need SPECIAL provisions. Or maybe You shall provide these things for me in some miraculous way. Or perhaps You shall take me HOME. May I be content and happy and JOYFUL in whatever You choose.

2a HE MAKETH ME TO LIE DOWN IN GREEN PASTURES:

Yes, Lord, You are MAKING me to LIE DOWN. You are bringing me through a series of events in my life that are leaving me powerless with no strength of my own. I cannot decide what to do. You hold the keys! You hold the future! And You are MAKING me lie down in
Your wonderful arms of love in Your green pastures. All that I am going through is for my good to bring me to a place of total SURRENDER. I must LIE DOWN and let You determine what happens next. I'm sorry that I keep trying to get up and make my own plans...I'd so
much like to have it all planned out and know exactly how You will provide and lead, but I must live by faith. Thank-You for MAKING me to LIE DOWN again!

"IN RETURNING AND REST SHALL (I) BE SAVED; IN QUIETNESS AND IN CONFIDENCE SHALL BE (MY) STRENGTH." (Is. 30:15)

How I long to rest in Thee and quit the STRUGGLE! Please forgive me, Lord. I have been such a selfish person and so unwilling to SUFFER

" (You) say (to me), "My PRESENCE shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest." (Ex. 33:14) Yes, I shall LIE DOWN there, too, in the place where you are taking us...there, too, in Your green pastures- because Your PRESENCE is everywhere I go. Hallelujah!

You make me to lie down in GREEN PASTURES...Green Pastures...luscious green pastures. I shall lie down here in the soft, green grass and look up at the beautiful, blue sky with the fluffy, white clouds...and here I shall find PEACE...PEACE in You...I want to lie here FOREVER!

In these green pastures I shall find food - the perfect food that I need - the SPECIAL food from Thee that my body can tolerate. Thank- You, Lord, for the food of Your Word, the food that I CANNOT do without! Indeed "When by faith (I am) enabled to find rest in the promises, (I am) like a sheep...finding peace, rest and refreshment, serenity and satisfaction in a beautiful green pasture!" (Quote by Spurgeon)

You say to me, "I WILL FEED (THEE) in a good pasture, and upon the HIGH MOUNTAINS of Israel shall their fold be: there shall they LIE in a good fold, and in a fat pasture shall they feed upon the MOUNTAINS of Israel." (Ex. 34:14)

Ah, Lord... Yes, I shall feed in Your HIGH PLACES...there with You...and I shall feed UPON YOU. I cannot eat physical bread, but I can partake of Thee... and thy Word, my spiritual, living bread!

Yes, Lord, You are making me to LIE DOWN in Your green, "vitamin- enriched" pastures of SURRENDER. It is Thee who "graciously enables (me) to perceive the preciousness of (your) truth and to feed upon it." (Quote by Spurgeon)

Thank-You, Lord!

Psalm 23:2b

2009-03-31T11:11:00.000-05:00

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Written Jan.-Feb. 1999

Psalm 23

2b HE LEADETH ME BESIDE THE STILL WATERS.

Leadeth - Strong's definition - "to run with a sparkle, i.e. flow; hence to conduct and (by infer.) to protect, sustain: carry, feed, guide, lead, (gently) on."

Still - Strong's definition - "repose or (adv.) peacefully; fig. consolation (spec. matrimony); hence an abode; comfortable, ease, quiet, rest (-ing place), still."

"The MEEK will he guide..." ((Ps. 25:9)

As I surrender to You, by Your grace...as YOUR meekness comes upon me, I find myself rejoicing and feeding upon Your "vitamin-enriched" pastures. I know also that You are "running with a sparkle" before me...protecting me...SUSTAINING me...carrying me...leading
me...guiding me GENTLY on. Here at the edge of Your green pastures of SURRENDER, I also find Your peaceful, still waters - my FOREVER ABODE - "not waters that roar and make a noise enough to frighten a fearful sheep (like ME), but water 'still' and quiet" (Quote by Sir
Richard Baker) - the waters of comfortable QUIET REST - the waters of Your consolation and PEACE...the STILL WATERS - "the influences and graces" of Your precious Holy Spirit. (Quote by Spurgeon)

Hallelujah!

Psalm 23:3a

2009-03-31T11:10:00.002-05:00

Psalm 23

3a HE RESTORETH MY SOUL:

Thank-You, Lord, for Your Word to me this morning: When I read this verse, I think of Ps. 51:10-13:

10 Create in me a CLEAN HEART, O God; and renew a RIGHT SPIRIT within me.

11Cast me not away from thy presence, and take not thy holy spirit from me.

12 RESTORE unto me the JOY OF THY SALVATION; and uphold me with thy free spirit.

13 THEN will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.

Renew a RIGHT SPIRIT - a joyful spirit within me. Restore my inner being with HAPPINESS! May I be HAPPY no matter what my husband and children do or don't do. May I be HAPPY no matter what decisions are made...Happy whether I live or die...HAPPY just to be Your child!
Make me truly HAPPY, Lord - no matter what! RESTORE unto me the JOY of THY SALVATION! THEN will I teach transgressors thy ways, and sinners shall be converted unto thee!

Ah, Lord..Piper's words from his book, A GODWARD LIFE, p. 84-84, blessed my soul today:

Lord Jesus, what did you mean that those who drink the water that you give will never thirst again (Jn. 4:14)? I THIRST this morning...Have we not drunk? Is the promise vain?...

As I cried out, the second half of the verse spoke. Jesus spoke, "But the water that I shall give him shall become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life." With it came an answer...

It went like this: When you drink my water, your thirst is not destroyed forever. If it did that, would you feel any need of my water afterward? That is not my goal. I do not want self-
sufficient saints. When you drink my water, it makes a spring in you. A spring satisfies thirst, not by removing the need you have for water, but by being there to give you water whenever you get thirsty. Again and again. Like this morning. So drink, John. Drink.

Now as I sit here writing, I see this precious truth in Psalm 23: "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want." Nevertheless, we cry out, "O Lord, today I have wants! I know a hundred people who have wants who count you as their Shepherd. What do you mean, 'We shall not want'?"

But now I have learned a lesson, First, cry out, then read on. "He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul." Restores. That means the wants rise in my soul and then Jesus satisfies. They rise again, and he resatisfies. Life is a rhythm of need and nourishment - and sometimes even a rhythm of danger and deliverance. "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..." The valley will (again) break forth onto green pastures, and the still waters will flow (again!) The spring is even now welling up within and will forever. For the spring within is not ourselves but God: "He who
believes in Me, as the Scriptures said, From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water. But this He spoke of the Spirit, whom those who believed in Him were to receive." (John 7:38-39). Thirst is quenched by the Spirit of Christ revealing himself and his
promises for us for our soul's satisfaction. But the thirst is not obliterated, lest we lose our impulse to come to him again and again for all that God promises to be for us in Jesus.

Let the one who is thirsty come and keep coming, until our fellowship is so close that there is no distance between.

Psalm 23:3b

2009-03-31T11:10:00.001-05:00

Written Feb.-Mar. 1999

Psalm 23

3b HE LEADETH ME IN THE PATHS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS FOR HIS NAME'S SAKE.

Leadeth- Strong's definition - "to drive forth..."

Yes, You are "driving me forth" - bringing me to a place, by Your grace, where I can lie down without fear into Your wonderful arms of love! A reaction to a medicine has made me so sleepy today that nothing else matters - SLEEP, sleep, sleep, SLEEP...sleep in Jesus...If I die and "sleep in Jesus", that's OK. Just please give me rest, Lord. Your promise to me is Ex. 33:14-

"My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee REST." In paths of RIGHTEOUSNESS - this is where I long to be - in paths of RIGHTEOUSNESS where I might have LOVE, JOY, PEACE, LONGSUFFERING, GENTLENESS, GOODNESS, FAITH, MEEKNESS, TEMPERANCE in all the dealings with my dear husband and children. Someday I shall really be in Your arms of love forever! Then I shall have no sin...no fear...no fatigue...no pain or sickness! Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly! Maranatha!

"...So didst thou lead thy people, to make thyself a glorious name!" (Is 63:14) Yes, make thyself a glorious name, Lord! It is for YOUR GLORY and YOUR NAME that You are leading me in paths of righteousness. Hallelujah for the PROMISE that I shall someday be really HOLY! You WILL make it happen - for Your name and glory is at stake!

Psalm 23:4a

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Psalm 23

4a YEA, THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH, I WILL FEAR NO EVIL:

Lord, You know that Spurgeon's words on this verse have been a blessing to me over and over again, and so I record them here in order to ponder and remember. (p. 400-401 in Treasury of David) -

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." This unspeakably delightful verse has been sung on many a dying bed, and has helped to make the dark valley bright times out of mind.
Every word in it has a wealth of meaning. "Yea, though I walk", as if the believer did not quicken his pace when he came to die, but still calmly walked with God. To walk indicates the steady advance of a soul which knows its road, knows its end, resolves to follow the path, feels quite safe, and is therefore perfectly calm and composed. The dying saint is not in a
flurry, he does not run as though he were alarmed, nor stand still as though he would go no further, he is not confounded nor ashamed, and therefore keeps to his old pace. Observe that it is not walking in the valley, but through the valley. We go through the dark tunnel of
death and emerge into the light of immortality. We do not die, we do but sleep to wake in glory. Death is not the house but the porch, not the goal but the passage to it. The dying article is called a valley. The storm breaks on the mountain, but the valley is the place
of quietude, and thus full often the last days of the Christian are the most peaceful in his whole career; the mountain is bleak and bare, but the valley is rich with golden sheaves, and many a saint has reaped more joy and knowledge when he came to die than he ever knew while he lived. And, then, it is not "the valley of death," but "the valley of the shadow of death," for death in its substance has been removed, and only the shadow of it remains. Someone has said that when there is a shadow there must be light somewhere, and
so there is. Death stands by the side of the highway in which we have to travel, and the light of heaven shining upon him throws a shadow across our path; let us then rejoice that there is a light beyond. Nobody is afraid of a shadow, for a shadow cannot stop a man's pathway even for a moment. The shadow of a dog cannot bite; the shadow of a sword cannot kill; the shadow of death cannot destroy us. Let us not, therefore, be afraid. "I will fear no evil." He
does not say there shall not be any evil; he had got beyond even that high assurance, and knew that Jesus had put all evil away; but "I will fear no evil;" as if even his fears, those shadows of evil, were gone for ever. The worst evils of life are those which do not exist except in our imagination. If we had not troubles but real troubles, we should not have a tenth part of our present sorrows. We feel a thousand deaths in fearing one, but the psalmist was cured of the disease of fearing. " I will fear no evil," not even the Evil One himself; I will not dread the last enemy, I will look upon him as a conquered foe, an enemy to be destroyed, "For thou art with me." This is the joy of a Christian! "Thou art with me." The little child out at sea in the storm is not frightened like all the other passengers on board the vessel, it is asleep in its mother's bosom; it is enough for it that its mother is with it; and it should be enough for the believer to know that Christ is with him. Thou art with me; I have, in having thee, all that I can crave: I have perfect comfort and absolute security, for thou art with me." (underlining
mine)

Psalm 23:4a Continued

2009-03-31T11:08:00.002-05:00

Written Feb. - Mar. 1999

Psalm 23:4a continued ---

Quote by W.M. Thomson - (From Spurgeon's Treasury of David)

Come down to the river; there is something going forward worth seeing. Your shepherd is about to lead his flock across; and as our Lord says of the good shepherd - you observe that he goes before, and the sheep follow. Not all in the same manner, however. Some enter
boldly, and come straight across. These are the loved ones of the flock, who keep hard by the footsteps of the shepherd, whether sauntering through green meadows by the still waters, feeding upon the mountains, or resting at noon beneath the shadow of great rocks.And now others enter, but in doubt and alarm. Far from their guide,they miss the ford, and are carried down the river, some more, some less; and yet one by one, they all struggle over and make good their landing. Notice those little lambs. They refuse to enter, and must be driven into the stream by the shepherd's dog, mentioned by Job in his 'parable'. Poor things! How they leap, and plunge, and bleat in terror! That weak one yonder will be swept quite away, and perish in the sea. But no; the shepherd himself leaps into the stream, lift sit into his bosom, and bears it trembling to the shore. All safely over, how happy they appear! The lambs frisk and gambol about in high spirits, while the older ones gather around their faithful guide, and look up to him in subdued but expressive thankfulness. Now, can you watch such a scene, and not think of that Shepherd who leadeth Joseph like a flock; and of another river, which all his sheep must cross? He, too, goes before, and; as in the case of this flock they who keep near him "fear no evil". They hear his sweet voice, saying, "When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee." (Is. 43:2) With eye fastened on him they scarcely see the stream, or feel its cold and the threatening waves.

Oh, what a comfort to my heart is this scene, for I fear that I am too much like the weak one who was almost swept away. Yet my faith is being increased, and I joy to know that even the weak ones shall make it safely across that river of death - safely across to the arms of the Saviour!

By Thy Grace

Our heart is not turned back, neither have our steps declined from thy way; Thought thou hast sore broken us in the place of dragons, and COVERED US with the SHADOW OF DEATH." (Ps. 44:18-19)

This environmental illness is the "shadow of death", but surely it is only a shadow and not the real thing. Tears come to my eyes when I meditated on this the other day: Millions in third world countries are suffering with NO HOPE, and it all ends in eventual death with
endless suffering FOREVER and EVER! But thanks be to You, dear God, for my suffering shall end in perfect peace and healing with LIFE EVERLASTING! O Lord, have mercy on these poor people. Send forth laborers into Your harvest to tell them the GOOD NEWS of life in Jesus through His shed blood - the GOOD NEWS that suffering will end in peace if they are SATISFIED in Jesus NOW. Send me, O Lord, send me! In Jesus' name, may I go and FEAR NO EVIL! Thank-You, Lord, for victory this morning!

Psalm 23:4b-5

2009-03-31T11:08:00.001-05:00

Written Feb.-Mar. 1999

Psalm 23

4b FOR THOU ART WITH ME;

Everything will be okay because THOU art with me! You say to me, "My presence shall GO WITH THEE, and I will give thee REST." (Ex. 33:14) You promise to GO WITH ME...through my suffering...and to the mission field - if that's where you lead me. May I be able, by Your grace, to embrace my suffering and apply this wonderful verse to my life today -

"Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing as unto a faithful Creator". (I Peter 4:19)

By Your grace, I can commit my soul to You for THOU ART WITH ME. Hallelujah! Thank-You for these promises today!

5a THOU PREPAREST A TABLE BEFORE ME IN THE PRESENCE OF MINE ENEMIES:

Your WORD is my table! Your WORD is my feast!

"(Your) Word is the place of COMMUNION. (You stand) forth from (Your) Word. What we long for is (You)! Where shall we meet (You)? Where (do you) reveal Yourself? The answer is given in 1 Samuel 3:21: "The LORD revealed Himself to Samuel at Shiloh by the word of the LORD." (You are) met and known, and loved, and enjoyed "by the WORD OF THE LORD."
(Quote by Piper - emphasis mine)

Hallelujah! You PREPARE a feast for me! Each day You are PREPARING for me a "tidbit" of spiritual truth...a promise...a verse to "hang on to". Yesterday You said to me "My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest." What comfort that was for me! And so that I
can go on TODAY, surely You are preparing for me another feast of spiritual truth from Your Holy Word. In the presence of all my enemies, the devil and his demons as well as others, You specially PREPARE for me a feast...a FEAST...food for the day...so that I will have spiritual strength to carry on. Thank-You, Lord! And so what is Your Word to me today?

5b THOU ANOINTEST MY HEAD WITH OIL, MY CUP RUNNETH OVER.

Anointest - Strong's definition - "To be fat, fig. (TO SATISFY)

"Therefore God, thy God, hath anointed thee with the OIL OF GLADNESS..." (Ps. 45:7)

Ah, this is Your special Word...Your feast for me today! You will anoint me with the OIL OF GLADNESS, and how I need it!!! Let it be mine today in the power of Your Holy Spirit!

When Your "feast" is set before me and I eat of it, it is the MEANS that brings about the anointing of Your Spirit which flows down over me. When my cup runs over I am full of Thee, and I am SATISFIED! Hallelujah!

Psalm 23:6

2009-03-31T11:07:00.001-05:00

PSALM 23

6a SURELY GOODNESS AND MERCY SHALL FOLLOW ME ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE: AND I WILL DWELL IN THE HOUSE OF THE LORD FOREVER.

A Promise For Today

You say to me, "For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great MERCIES will I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have MERCY on thee, saith the LORD thy Redeemer." (Is. 54:7-8)

Strong's Definitions
Follow - "to run after, pursue"
Dwell - "sit down, remain, settle, to marry, make to keep house"
House - "family"

Yes, surely...SURELY! Lord, Your GOODNESS and MERCY shall RUN AFTER ME and follow me wherever I go forever! I cannot get away from Your wonderful GOODNESS and MERCY! What a happy thought! Because I am in Your family...because I am Your child by grace, I know that MERCY has PURSUED me and overtaken me, and now I shall LIVE IN IT. And as I
live in it, still MORE goodness and mercy shall RUN AFTER ME forever and ever! You have promised me "the daily arrival of grace - FUTURE GRACE" (Coined termed by Dr. Piper) Yes, by Your grace, we are "married". Yes, by Your grace, I have "settled down" with You in
Your house. Yes...yes, I shall REMAIN here because of Your wonderful MERCY and GRACE. Thank-You, Lord Jesus! Forever I am Yours!

"If (You) had told me some time ago that (You were) about to make me as happy as I could be in this world, and then had told me that (You) should begin by (taking away my health), and removing me from all my usual sources of enjoyment, I should have thought it a very strang
mode of accomplishing (You) purpose. And yet, how is (Your) wisdom manifest even in this. For if you should see a man shut up in a close room, idolizing a set of lamps and rejoicing in their light, and you wished to make him truly happy, you would begin by blowing out all his lamp; and then THROW OPEN THE SHUTTERS TO LET IN THE LIGHT OF HEAVEN. Personal Quote by Samuel Rutherford from "A Godward Life", by Dr. John Piper, pgs.288-289 (personalized and emphasized by me)

Lord, although You've allowed periods of depression in my life, this is true. You have given me a deep happiness in knowing You in meditation and writing. Thank-You, Lord, for"THROWING OPEN THE SHUTTERS TO LET IN THE LIGHT OF HEAVEN." Amen.

Lord, You have "...turned the curse into a BLESSING unto (me)..." (Deut. 23:9) Praise be to Your name!

Psalm 109:21-27

2009-03-31T11:05:00.002-05:00

Written Mar. 17, 1999

(The fact that I am better is testimony of God's answered prayer!)

(Identifying with Christ in this Psalm )-

Psalm 109:21-27

21 BUT DO THOU FOR ME, O GOD THE LORD, FOR THY NAME'S SAKE: BECAUSE THY MERCY IS GOOD, DELIVER THOU ME.

Yes, Lord, for thy NAME...for thy GLORY, have MERCY on me and help me.

22 FOR I AM POOR AND NEEDY, AND MY HEART IS WOUNDED WITHIN ME.

Yes, Lord, my heart is wounded. I have suffered at the hand of all these physicians! And now this new doctor has me crying. Is she right? Did the other doctors and pharmacist hurt me? Who, Lord, do I believe? Who is right? Can I trust this new doctor? I was near tears while I was talking to her, and when I left, I was in tears! "Money-hungry" doctors with no true compassion....Lord, my heart cries. Have mercy upon this doctor! May I forgive her. But is
she right? Will I be hurt more if I do what she says? All the doctors have hurt me! O Lord, please..YOU be my physician! Give me wisdom, Lord. My honey says to do what she says, so give me grace to not be afraid and to embrace suffering if I must. In Jesus' name. Amen.

23 I AM GONE LIKE THE SHADOW WHEN IT DECLINETH: I AM TOSSED UP AND DOWN AS THE LOCUST

I guess that's a good way to describe how I feel, Lord - declining like a shadow and being tossed back and forth between doctors that make BIG MISTAKES. Give me grace to forgive.

24 MY KNEES ARE WEAK THROUGH FASTING; AND MY FLESH FAILETH OF FATNESS.

Well, the second part is true...I had lost weight, and I AM weak many times, but not through fasting....I take that back. This crazy low calorie diet of meat and low carbohydrate vegetables is a sort of "fast". That's all I can eat without reacting in a bad way.

25 I BECAME ALSO A REPROACH UNTO THEM: WHEN THEY LOOKED UPON ME THEY
SHAKED THEIR HEADS.

Yes, most doctors have shaken their heads. They don't know what to do with me, and my family and friends often don't know what to do with me either.

26 HELP ME, O LORD MY GOD: O SAVE ME ACCORDING TO THY MERCY:

You are my only HOPE, Lord! Have MERCY upon me. And why? The next verse answers the question.

27 THAT THEY MAY KNOW THAT THIS IS THY HAND, THAT THOU, LORD, HAST DONE IT.

Amen! If I get better, it will certainly be YOUR HAND of MERCY. You be my doctor! In Jesus' name. Amen!

Psalm 22:1

2009-03-31T11:05:00.001-05:00

Psalm 22
A few verses each time from Psalm 22 - Meditation by Spurgeon from Treasury of David - my comments in parenthesis - Spring 1999 - emphasis mine.

"This is beyond all others The Psalm of the Cross. It may have been actually repeated word by word by our Lord when hanging on the tree; it would be too bold to say that it was so but even a casual reader may see that it might have been. It begins with, "My God my God, why
hast thou forsaken me?" and ends, according to some, in the original with "It is finished." ...It is the photograph of our Lord's saddest hours, the record of his dying words, the lachrymatory of his last tears, the memorial of his expiring joys. David and his afflictions
may be here in a very modified sense, but, as the star is concealed by the light of the sun, he who sees Jesus will probably neither see nor care to see David. Before us we have a description both of the darkness and of the glory of the cross, the sufferings of Christ and
the glory which shall follow...We should read reverently, putting off our shoes from off our feet, as Moses did at the burning bush, for if there be holy ground anywhere in Scripture it is in this psalm."

(Jesus understands my LONELINESS and my SUFFERINGS! May I stop and meditate today on intense torments and the price He paid so that I might gain eternal salvation...)

1. My God, my God, "Let us gaze with holy wonder, and mark the flashes of light amid the awful darkness of that midday-midnight. First, our Lord's faith beams forth and deserves our reverent imitation; he keeps his hold upon his God with both hands and cries twice, "My God, my God!"...Oh that we could imitate this cleaving to an afflicting God!"

Why Hast thou forsaken me? - "Why?" what is the great cause of such a strange fact as for God to leave this own Son at such a time and in such a plight? There was no cause in him, why then was he deserted? "Hast:" it is done, and the Saviour is feeling its dread effect as he asks the question; it is surely true, but how mysterious! "Thou:" I can understand why traitorous Judas and timid Peter should be gone, but thou, my God, my faithful friend, how canst thou leave me? This is worst of all, yea, worse than all put together. Hell itself has for its fiercest flame the separation of the soul from God. "Forsaken:" if thou hadst chastened I might bear it, for thy face would shine; but to forsake me utterly, ah! why is this? "Me:" thine innocent, obedient, suffering Son, why leavest thou me to perish? A sight of self seen by penitence, and of Jesus on the cross seen by faith will best expound this question. Jesus is
forsaken because our sins had separated between us and our God..

Why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring? "The Man of Sorrows had prayed until his speech failed him, and he could only utter moanings and groanings as men do in severe sicknesses, like the roarings of a wounded animal. To what extremity of grief was our Master driven? What strong crying and tears were those which made him too hoarse for speech! What must have been his anguish to find his own beloved and trusted Father standing afar off, and neither granting help nor apparently hearing prayer! Yet there was reason for all this which those who rest in Jesus as their Substitute well know."

(Yes, Lord Jesus, You know exactly how I feel because You've experienced it, too, and even MORE...DESERTION. Why do I cry and pray and yet at times there are no real answers for this environmental illness? Why do I cry and pray and yet I just get worse and worse? Why are You not answering my prayers? Why have You allowed me to become so chemically sensitive in the last 9 months? Lord, sometimes I do feel that You have FORSAKEN me. But somehow this morning You've given me a peace knowing that You have sovereignly allowed all of this.You have not forsaken me forever just as You have not forsaken forever Your dear Son. There is a REASON for my suffering.Someday I'll understand. Amen.)

Psalm 22:2-5

2009-03-31T11:04:00.000-05:00

Continuing in Psalm 22 - Thoughts by Spurgeon - My thoughts in parentheses - My emphasis italicized in bold

2 O my God, I cry in the daytime, but thou hearest not, and in the night season, and am not silent. - "...it is observable that he still held fast his believing hold on God, and cried still "My God." On the other hand his faith did not render him less importunate, for amid the hurry and horror of that dismal day he ceased not his cry, even as in Gethsemane he had agonized all through the gloomy night. Our Lord continued to pray even though no comfortable answer came, and in this he set us an example of obedience to his own words, "men ought always to pray, and not to faint." No daylight is too glaring and no midnight too dark to pray in; and no delay or apparent denial, however grievous, should tempt us to forbear from importunate
pleading."

(Yes, Lord, thank-You for Spurgeon's words here. May I never give up praying. You hear, and You hold my hand even though I may not always sense it. Hallelujah!)

3 But thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel, - "However ill things may look, there is no ill in thee, O God!...There is no unrighteousness with the God of Jacob, he deserves no censure; let him do what he will, he is to be praised, and to reign enthroned amid the songs of his chosen people. If prayer be unanswered it is not because God is unfaithful, but for some other good and weighty reason. If we cannot perceive any ground for the
delay, we must leave the riddle unsolved, but we must not fly in God's face in order in invent an answer."

4 Our fathers trusted in thee: they trusted, and thou didst deliver them. - "Our Lord here pleads the past dealings of God with his people as a reason why he should not be left alone; here again he is an example to us in the skillful use of the weapon of all prayer."

5 They cried unto thee, and were delivered: they trusted in thee, and were not confounded. - "As if he had said, 'How is it that I am now without succour in my overwhelming griefs, while all others have been helped?' We may remind the Lord of his former lovingkindnesses
to his people, and beseech him to be still the same...Observe, that ancient saints cried and trusted, and that in trouble we must do the same; and the invariable result was that they were not ashamed of their hope, for deliverance came in due time; this same happy portion shall be ours. The prayer of faith can do the deed when nothing else can. Let us wonder when we see Jesus using the same pleas as ourselves, and immersed in griefs far deeper than our own."

(Yes, Lord, You helped godly men in the past. You even brought the children of Israel "forth also with silver and gold: and there was not one feeble person among their tribes,"(Ps.105:37)...And You gave them food and water. You didn't even let their clothes wear out. You can do this for me, too! Hallelujah!)

Psalm 22:6-8

2009-03-31T11:03:00.000-05:00

Continuing in Psalm 22 - Thoughts by Spurgeon - My thoughts in parentheses -My emphasis italicized in bold

6 But I am a worm, and no man. - "What a contrast between "I AM" and "I am a worm"! Yet such a double nature was found in the person of our Lord Jesus when bleeding upon the tree. He felt himself to be comparable to a helpless, powerless, down-trodden worm, passive while
crushed, and unnoticed and despised by those who trod upon him...This was a true likeness of himself when his body and soul had become a mass of misery ----the very essence of agony---in the dying pangs of crucifixion. Man by nature is but a worm; but our Lord puts himself even beneath man, on account of the scorn that was heaped upon him and the weakness which he felt, and therefore he adds, "and no man."...he was outlawed from the society of earth, and shut out from the smile of heaven. How utterly did the Saviour empty himself of all glory, and become of no reputation for our sakes! A reproach of men, and despised of the people. - "Sin is worthy of all reproach and contempt, and for this reason Jesus, the Sinbearer, was given up to be thus unworthily and shamefully entreated."

(The underlined words are sometimes how I feel, too, Lord.)

7 All they that see me laugh me to scorn. - "Mockery has for its distinctive description "cruel mockings;" those endured by our Lord were of the most cruel kind...Priests and people, Jews and Gentiles, soldiers and civilians, all united in the general scoff, and that at the time when he was prostrate in weakness and ready to die. Which shall we wonder at the most, the cruelty of man or the love of the bleeding Saviour? How can we ever complain of ridicule after this?

They shoot out the lip, they shake the head, - "These were gestures of contempt...men made faces at him before whom angels vail their faces and adore."

(Yes, may I remember what YOU have gone through whenever people are offended by my sensitivities or when they say it is all in my head.)

8 Saying, He trusted on the Lord that he would deliver him: let him deliver him, seeing he delighted in him. - "Here the taunt is cruelly aimed the sufferer's faith in God, which is the tenderest point in a good man's soul, the very apple of his eye. They must have learned
the diabolical art from Satan himself..this special piece of mockery is probably mentioned in this psalm because it is the most bitter of the whole...

(Just as my faith is questioned when modern day Job's comforters tell me "If you just had enough FAITH, you would be healed.)

When we are tormented in the same manner, let us remember him who endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, and we shall be comforted. On reading these verses one is ready, with Trapp, to ask, "Is this a prophecy or a history? " For the description is so
accurate...Jehovah had aforetime delivered those who rolled their burdens upon him: why was this man deserted? Oh that they had understood the answer! Note further, that their ironical jest, "seeing he delighted in him," was true. The Lord did delight in his dear Son, and when he was found in fashion as a man, and became obedient unto death, he still was well pleased with him. Strange mixture! Jehovah delights in him, and yet bruises him; is well pleased, and yet slays him."

(Strange, too, that I am Your child, and You love me so much and yet You let me experience all this sickness and misunderstanding. Yet I know there is REASON and PURPOSE!) Amen!

Psalm 22:9-11

2009-03-31T11:02:00.002-05:00

Continuing in Psalm 22 - Thoughts by Spurgeon - My thoughts in parentheses -Written Spring 1999

9 But thou art he that took me out of the womb. - "Kindly providence attends with the surgery of tenderness at every human birth; but the Son of Man, who was marvelously begotten of the Holy Ghost, was in an especial manner watched over by the Lord when brought forth by Mary. The destitute state of Joseph and Mary, far away from friends and
home, led them to see the cherishing hand of God in the safe delivery of the mother, and the happy birth of the child; that Child now fighting the great battle of his life, uses the mercy of his nativity as an argument with God. Faith finds weapons everywhere...."

(Yes, many times I have felt like I was dying, but You were KEEPING me!)

Thou didst make me hope when I was upon my mother's breasts. - "Early piety gives peculiar comfort in our after trials, for surely he who loved us when we were children is too faithful to cast us off in our riper years..Some give the text the sense of "gave me cause to trust, by keeping me safely," and assuredly there was a special providence which preserved our Lord's infant days from the fury of Herod, the dangers of traveling, and the ills of poverty."

10 I was cast upon thee from the womb. - "Into the Almighty arms he was first received, as into those of a loving parent. This is a sweet thought. God begins his care over us from the earliest hour. We are dandled upon the knee of mercy, and cherished in the lap of goodness; our cradle is canopied by divine love, and our first totterings are guided by his care.

Thou art my God from my mother's belly. - "Our birth was our weakest and most perilous period of existence; if we were then secured by Omnipotent tenderness, surely we have no cause to suspect that divine goodness will fail us now. He who was our God when we left our
mother, will be with us till we return to mother earth, and will keep us from perishing in the belly of hell."

11 Be not far from me; - "His great woe was that God had forsaken him, his great prayer is that he would be near him. A lively sense of the divine presence is a mighty stay to the heart in times of distress.

For trouble is near; for there is none to help. - "Our Substitute had trouble in his inmost heart, for he said, "the waters have come in, even unto my soul;"...all his disciples had forsaken him, and lover and friend were put far from him. There is an awfulness about
absolute friendlessness which is crushing to the human mind, for man was not made to be alone, and is like a dismembered limb when he has to endure heart-loneliness."

(There is none to help, Lord...only You. YOU understand my LONELINESS-loneliness not only because others don't seem to understand the "torment" I'm going through, but ALSO loneliness because most do not understand my deep longing for spiritual conversation. Jan
Markell's poem from her book, Waiting For A Miracle, p 50, says it well.)

Nobody Else Will Listen, Lord

I had a monumental need today, Lord.
I needed someone to talk to.
I needed a conversation that went beyond
my neighbor's rose bushes, or
last night's election results.
Such a paradox it seems,
to be surrounded by people,
to have their voices vibrating through me,
to be numb from shaking hands,
to hurt from smiling...
and yet to feel alone.
Alone because conversations
center on things of insignificance for eternity.
Because conversations focus on
the high cost of living
and not on the Giver of life.
Yes, alone in a crowd,
But never alone, Lord,
for You listen
even if I ramble and make little sense,
or if I can't quite explain myself,
or if I am redundant
and never get to the point.
Thank You, Father,
for being my Companion,
Confidant,
and Counselor,
And for listening, when all the world
Is caught up with the fun and games of life,
Too busy with yesterday's sports results
To listen to a needy soul.

Amen.

-Jan Markell
(Used with permisson)

Psalm 22:12-14

2009-03-31T11:02:00.001-05:00

Continuing in Psalm 22 - Thoughts by Spurgeon on the suffering of our Saviour - My thoughts in parentheses - Written Spring 1999

12 Many bulls have compassed me:; strong bulls of Bashan have beset me round. "The priests, elders, scribes, Pharisees, rulers, and captains bellowed round the cross like wild cattle...full of strength and fury; they stamped and foamed around the innocent One, and longed to gore him to death with their cruelties. Conceive of the Lord Jesus as a helpless, unarmed, naked man, cast into the midst of a herd of infuriated wild bulls. They were brutal as bulls, many, and strong, and the Rejected One was all alone, and bound naked to the
tree."

( Many "bulls" have compassed me about, too...in a way. I have suffered at the hands of many physicians, etc.)

13 They gaped upon me with their mouths, as a ravening and a roaring lion. - "Like hungry cannibals they opened their blasphemous mouths as if they were about to swallow the man whom they abhorred. They could not vomit forth their anger fast enough through the ordinary aperture of their mouths, and therefore set the doors of their lips wide open like those who gape. Like roaring lions they howled out their fury, and longed to tear the Saviour in pieces, as wild beasts raven over their prey. Our Lord's faith must have passed through a
most severe conflict while he found himself abandoned to the tender mercies of the wicked, but he came off victorious by prayer..."

(Yes, this is how I felt when I saw this new doctor. She gaped upon me with her mouth when I said, "I don't know which doctor to trust anymore. How do I know who is telling me the truth?" She says I was overdosing on progesterone and that this is what has made me so
chemically sensitive, etc.)

14 I am poured out like water. - "Turning from his enemies, our Lord describes his own personal condition in language which should bring the tears into every loving eye. "I am poured out like water." He was utterly spent, like water poured upon the earth; his heart failed him, and had no more firmness in it than running water, and his whole being was made a sacrifice, like a libation poured out before the Lord. He had long been a fountain of tears; in Gethsemane his heart welled over in sweat, and on the cross he gushed forth with blood; he poured out his strength and spirit, so that he was reduced to the most feeble and exhausted state.

All my bones are out of joint: - "Is it not most probably that the fastenings of the hands and feet, and the jar occasioned by fixing the cross in the earth, may have dislocated the bones of the Crucified One? If this is not intended, we must refer the expression to that extreme weakness which would occasion relaxation of the muscles and a general sense of parting asunder throughout the whole system.

My heart is like wax; it is melted in the midst of my bowels. - "Excessive debility and intense pain made his inmost life to feel like wax melted in the heat... The fire of Almighty wrath would have consumed our souls for ever in hell; it was no light work to bear as a substitute the heat of an anger so justly terrible."

(It is true...Jesus, You know my pain and more....oh so much more...)

Psalm 22:15-21

2009-03-31T11:01:00.000-05:00

More Thoughts by Spurgeon on Psalm 22

Jesus really does understand our sufferings and pain!

15 My strength is dried up like a potsherd. - "Jesus likens himself to a broken piece of earthenware, or en earthen pot, baked in the fire till the last particle of moisture is driven out of the clay. No doubt a high degree of feverish burning afflicted the body of our Lord. All his strength was dried up in the tremendous flames of avenging justice..."

My tongue cleaveth to my jaws; -"thirst and fever fastened his tongue to his jaws. Dryness and horrible clamminess tormented his mouth, so that he could scarcely speak."

Thou hast brought me into the dust of death; - "so tormented in every single part as to feel dissolved into separate atoms, and each atom full of misery; the full price of our redemption was paid, and no part of the Surety's body or soul escaped its share of agony."

16 For dogs have compassed me. - "Hunters frequently surround their game with a circle, and gradually encompass them with an ever- narrowing ring of dogs and men. Such a picture is before us. In the centre stands, not a panting stag, but a bleeding, fainting man, and around him are the enraged and unpitying wretches who have hounded him to his doom.

The assembly of the wicked have inclosed me: - "...the Jewish people were unchurched, and that which called itself an assembly of the righteous is justly for its sins marked upon the forehead as an assembly of the wicked. This is not the only occasion when professed churches of God have become synagogues of Satan, and have persecuted the Holy One and the Just."

They pierced my hands and my feet. - "This can by no means refer to David, or to any one but Jesus of Nazareth, the once crucified but now exalted Son of God. Pause, dear reader, and view the wounds of thy Redeemer."

17 I may tell all my bones. - "The posture of the body on the cross, Bishop Horne thinks, would so distend the flesh and skin as to make the bones visible, so that they might be numbered. The zeal of his Father's house had eaten him up;...Oh that we cared less for the
body's enjoyment and ease and more for our Father's business! It were better to count the bones of an emaciated body than to bring leanness into our souls.

They look and stare upon me. "Unholy eyes gazed insultingly upon the Saviours's nakedness, and shocked the sacred delicacy of his holy soul...Let us blush for human nature, and mourn in sympathy with our Redeemer's shame. The first Adam made us all naked, and therefore
the second Adam became naked that he might clothe our naked souls.

18 They part my garments among them, and cast lots upon my vesture. - "This incident shows how clearly David in vision saw the day of Christ, and how surely the Man of Nazareth is he of whom the prophets spake:..He who gave his blood to cleanse us gave his garments to
clothe us...It may be noted that the habit of gambling is of all others the most hardening, for men could practice it even at the cross-foot while bespsrinkled with the blood of the Crucified. No Christian will endure the rattle of the dice when he thinks of this."

19 But be thou not far from me, O Lord. -"He wants nothing but his God, even in his lowest state."

O my strength, haste thee to help me. - "Hard cases need timely aid: when necessity justifies it we may be urgent with God as to time, and cry, "make haste;" but we must not do this out of willfulness. Mark how in the last degree of personal weakness he calls the Lord "my
strength;" after this fashion the believer can sing, "when I am weak, then am I strong."

20 Deliver my soul from the sword. - "By the sword is probably meant entire destruction, which as a man he dreaded; or perhaps he sought deliverance from the enemies around him, who were like a sharp and deadly sword to him."

My darling from the power of the dog. -"Meaning his soul, his life, which is most dear to every man...Would that all men made their souls their darling, but many treat them as if they were not worth so much as the mire of the streets. The dog may mean Satan..If Jesus cried
for help against the dog of hell, much more may we...beware of the dog, for his power is great, and only God can deliver us from him. When he fawns upon us, we must not put ourselves in his power; and when he howls at us, we may remember that God holds him with a chain."

21 Save me from the lion's mouth: for thou hast heard me from the horns of the unicorns. - "Having experienced deliverance in the past from great enemies, who were strong as the unicorns, the Redeemer utters his last cry for rescue from death, which is fierce and mighty
as the lion. This prayer was heard, and the gloom of the cross departed. Thus faith, though sorely beaten, and even cast beneath the feet of her enemy, ultimately wins the victory. It was so in our Head, it shall be so in all the members. We have overcome the unicorn, we shall conquer the lion, and from both lion and unicorn we shall take the crown."

"...from a horrible tempest all is changed into calm. The darkness of Calvary at length passed away from the face of nature, and from the soul of the Redeemer, and beholding the light of his triumph and its future results the Saviour smiled. We have followed him through the gloom, let us attend him in the returning light. It will be well still to regard the words as a part of our Lord's soliloquy upon the cross, uttered in his mind during the last few moments before his death."

(Hallelujah! I shall WIN and overcome this sickness SOMEDAY, Lord, even if it isn't till death...BECAUSE You have suffered and died for me! As I stop and meditate on Your horrible death, I am comforted to know that You understand and cry with me through MY SUFFERINGS. And I remember Your word to me - "Beloved think it not strange concerning
the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are PARTAKERS OF CHRIST'S SUFFERINGS; that when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy." (I Pet. 4:13) Yes, You are the Master, and I am Your disciple. It is fitting that I should follow in Your sufferings.)

Psalm 22:22-26

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Continuing in Psalm 22 - Thoughts by Spurgeon -My thoughts in parentheses - My emphasis italicized

22 I will declare thy name unto my brethren. - "The delights of Jesus are always with his church...Jesus anticipates happiness in having communication with his people; he purposes to be their teacher and minister...The name, i.e., the character and conduct of God are by
Jesus Christ's gospel proclaimed to all the holy brotherhood; they behold the fullness of the Godhead dwelling bodily in him...We may learn from this resolution of our Lord, that one of the most excellent methods of showing our thankfulness for deliverances is to tell to our brethren what the Lord has done for us. We mention our sorrows readily enough; why are we so slow in declaring our deliverances?

In the midst of the congregation will I praise thee. - "In the great universal church Jesus is the One authoritative teacher, and all others, so far as they are worthy to be called teachers, are nothing but echoes of his voice. Jesus, in this second sentence, reveals his object in declaring the divine name, it is that God may be praised; the church continually magnifies Jehovah for manifesting himself in the person of Jesus, and Jesus himself leads the song...Delightful are the seasons when Jesus communes with our hearts concerning divine
truth; joyful praise is the sure result."

23 Ye that fear the Lord praise him. - ""He exhorts the faithful to unite with him in thanksgiving. The description of "fearing the Lord" is very frequent and very instructive; it is the beginning of wisdom, and is an essential sign of grace...Humble awe of God is so necessary a preparation for praising him that none are fit to sing to his honour but such as reverence his word."

All ye the seed of Jacob glorify him; - "The saint should unite in the song; no tongue maybe silent, no heart may be cold. Christ calls us to glorify God, and can we refuse?"

And fear him, all ye the seed of Israel. - "The spiritual Israel all do this, and we hope the day will come when Israel after the flesh will be brought to the same mind. The more we praise God the more reverently shall we fear him, and the deeper our reverence the sweeter our songs. So much does Jesus value praise that we have it here under his dying hand and seal that all the saints must glorify the Lord."

24 For he hath not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted. - "Never was man so afflicted as our Saviour in body and soul from friends and foes, by heaven and hell, in life and death; he was the foremost in the ranks of the afflicted, but all those afflictions were sent in love, and not because his Father despised and abhorred him"

(This verse 24 means that You CARE about my pain - because You've been there! And God, You have sent my afflictions in LOVE.)

Neither hath he hid his face from him. - "That is to say, the hiding was but temporary, and was soon removed; it was not final and eternal."

(TEMPORARY...Yes, Lord, my affliction is only TEMPORARY!)

But when he cried unto him, he heard. "Every child of God should seek refreshment for his faith in this testimony of the Man of Sorrows. What Jesus here witnesses is as true to-day as when it was first written. It shall never be said that any man's affliction or poverty prevented his being an accepted suppliant at Jehovah's throne of grace."

(Yes, You hear my prayers, too, although sometimes there seems to be SILENCE.)

25 My praise shall be of thee in the great congregation. - "The one subject of our Master's song is the Lord alone...The word in the original is "from thee," ---true praise is of celestial origin."

I will pay my vows before them that fear him. - "Jesus dedicates himself anew to the carrying out of the divine purpose in fulfillment of this vows made in anguish...Messiah vowed to build up a spiritual temple for the Lord, and he will surely keep his word."

26 The meek shall eat and be satisfied. - "Mark how the dying Lover of our souls solaces himself with the result of this death. The spiritually poor find a feast in Jesus, they feed upon him to the satisfaction of their hearts...Note the characters who partake of the benefit of his passion; "the meek, the humble and lowly. Lord, make us so. Note also the certainty that gospel provisions shall not be wasted, "they shall eat;" and the sure result of such eating, "and be satisfied."

They shall praise the Lord that seek him. -"...their thanksgiving days must and shall come.

Your heart shall live for ever. - "Your spirits shall not fail through trial, you shall not die of grief, immortal joys shall be your portion. Thus Jesus speaks even from the cross to the troubled seeker. If his dying words are so assuring, what consolation may we not find in the truth that he ever liveth to make intercession for us! They who eat at Jesus' table receive the fulfillment of the promise, "Whosoever eateth of this bread shall live for ever."

("God is most glorified in us when we are most SATISFIED in Him! Dr. John Piper says. The promise here is that the meek SHALL be SATISFIED!

And yes, I SHALL praise the Lord if I seek Him. This means HEALING is on the way! Some day...some DAY! Hallelujah!)

Psalm 22:27-31

2009-03-31T11:00:00.001-05:00

Last thoughts by Spurgeon on Psalm 22 - My thoughts in parentheses

27 All the ends of the world shall remember and turn unto the Lord. - "In reading, this verse one is struck with the Messiah's missionary spirit."

(Flame the burning coals of my "missionary spirit", too, Lord!)

And all the kindreds of the nations shall worship before thee. "This hope which was the reward of Jesus is a stimulus to those who fight his battles. It is well to mark the order of conversion as here set forth; they shall "remember" ---this is reflection, like the prodigal who came unto himself; "and turn unto Jehovah" --this is repentance, like Manasseh who left his idols and "worship" --this is holy service, as Paul adored the Christ whom once he abhorred."

28 For the kingdom is the Lord's. - "As an obedient Son the dying Redeemer rejoiced to know that his Father's interests would prosper through his pains. "The Lord reigneth" was his song as it is ours."

And he is the governor among the nations. - "Amid the tumults and disasters of the present the Lord reigneth; but in the halcyon days of peace the rich fruit of his dominion will be apparent to every eye."

29 All they that be fat upon earth shall eat and worship; - "...Grace now finds the most of its jewels among the poor, but in the latter days the mighty of the earth "shall eat," shall taste of redeeming grace and dying love, and shall "worship" with all their hearts the God who deals so bountifully with us in Christ Jesus."

All they that go down to the dust shall bow before him. - "Either those who stand quivering on the brink of the grave, or those....poor and mean of mankind, who are unable to support themselves, and to provide for their multiplied necessities. " (John Morison)

As if he had said, rich and poor, high and low, the king and the beggar, have alike need of salvation by Jesus Christ, and must submit unto him, that they may be saved, for..'none can keep alive his own soul.'" (Joseph Caryl)

(Humbled hearts bow!)

And none can keep alive his own soul...There is no salvation out of Christ. We must hold life, and have life as Christ's GIFT, or we shall die eternally. This...should be proclaimed....that like a great hammer it may break in pieces all SELF-CONFIDENCE."

30 A seed shall serve him. - "The kingdom of truth on earth shall never fail. As one generation is called to its rest, another will arise in its stead."

It shall be accounted to the Lord for a generation. - "He will reckon the ages by the succession of the saints, and set his accounts according to the families of the faithful."

31 They shall come. - "Sovereign grace shall bring out from among men the blood bought ones...The chosen shall come to life, to faith, to pardon, to heaven.

And shall declare his righteousness unto a people that shall be born. "Father shall teach their sons, who shall hand it down to their children; the burden of the story always being-
That he hath done this. -"or, that 'It is finished.'...these were the expiring words of the Lord Jesus, as they are the last words of this Psalm. May we by living Faith be enabled to see our salvation finished by the death of Jesus!"

(Amen!)

Psalm 18:28-33

2009-03-31T10:59:00.001-05:00

Psalm 18:28-33

28 For thou wilt light my candle: the LORD my God will enlighten my darkness.

Thank-you, Lord, that You have lit my candle again in the midst of sickness!

29 For by thee have I run through a troop; and by my God have I leaped over a wall.

Lord, I am weak…physically…emotionally…and many times spiritually. Satan and his demons are constantly coming out against me in one way or another with sickness, fear, equipment failures that frustrate ministry, stresses in relationships, etc. He makes "walls" in front
of me in various ways, trying to stop me from doing what I feel You have called me to do.

O Lord, You HAVE made this verse come true in my life over and over again in little ways, and TODAY, by faith, I want to hold onto this precious verse and KNOW that I will, also in a very BIG way run through this "troop of sickness" and "leap over the wall" of the need for antibiotics. My chest hurts, the cough won't go away, my body aches, and I feel hot. Do I have a fever? The thermometer says "no". Hallelujah! Thank You, Lord, for helping me to run through this troop and leap over the wall!

30 As for God, his way is perfect:

Yes, Lord, Your way is PERFECT, but it doesn't seem perfect until I really stop and think about it. How can Your WAY of environmental illness in my life be perfect? The "curse" is really a BLESSING, though, I know! The many "treatments" and walkings I have to do give
me more time to meditate and listen to sermons. Would I really take time to read if I wasn't flat on my back in bed at times doing treatments with castor oil? Would I listen to as many sermon tapes if I didn't have as much "quiet" time in a tub or sauna? And for my
digestive and stomach problems, I eat alone. Would I really study Scripture as much if I didn't have time to do it while eating in the mornings? Thank You, Lord, for making my way PERFECT. Thank You, too, that I can know that whatever You have planned for me in the future is Your perfect way for me – because I am Your little one.

30b the word of the LORD is tried.

It is true, Lord! By Your grace I have also believed Your spoken Word in the Bible and have taken hold of Your promise, by grace. Your Word has been TRIED again and again by many a believer, and Your words are TRUE. You have been faithful to make Your Word ALIVE for many a saint, and You have made it come "alive" for me as well today. Thank you, Lord!

30c he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.

Lord, this terrible cold and infection has lasted for days and weeks, and my body aches all over! Is it the flu? Is it something serious? Or is it just detoxification? Should I take my temperature again? Antibiotics would make me worse in the long run, so please, Lord, help me to "leap over the wall" again today!

"Trust" means "to flee for protection", "to confide in ", "have hope", etc. Lord, You are my protector! You are a shield above and below and all the way around me. I am inside your spherical shield whenever I CONFIDE in You – whenever I FLEE to You – whenever I HOPE
in You. Give me grace today to CONFIDE, FLEE TO, and HOPE IN YOU!. Calm my fast-beating, nervous heart. By Your grace I SHALL leap over another WALL. Hallelujah!

31 For who is God save the LORD? Or who is a rock save our God?

You are JEHOVAH – the Self-existent One! WHO is my strong rock, the cliff or boulder where I may take refuge and hide from the enemy who shoots his darts of FEAR? You only are my ROCK, ELOHIM- my Supreme God! There is no god but YOU who can help me, so I cry unto Thee!

32 It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect.

You are making my way PERFECT! My life is all laid out- planned by You, and it is indeed perfect. Yes, I may have horrible times of sickness and pain. I may even come close to death over and over again like the missionary, Hudson Taylor, did. But I will not die until the
work You want me to do is finished. You are giving me STRENGTH!… faith (to) subdue kingdoms, (live) righteousness, OBTAIN PROMISES, stop the mouth of "lions"…out of weakness (to be) made strong…turn to fight the armies of the aliens!" (Heb. 11:33-34) Hallelujah!

I've had no real fever these last few days even when I felt like I did. You are girding me with strength and "turning to flight the armies of the aliens" as I do these hot baths – hydrotherapy. Thank You, Jesus, for giving me grace to leap over yet another WALL again
today!

DAYS LATER

A month or more of coughing…but now it's gone. Thank You, Lord, that I didn't have to resort to oral antibiotics!

33 He maketh my feet like hind's feet, and setteth me upon my high places.

Hallelujah! By Your grace, I find that I am climbing spiritual mountains! You are taking my poor, broken feet that have tripped and stumbled, and You are making them like the feet of a mountain doe that can leap over high WALLS. My footsteps in Your way will continue to go up, up, up.higher and higher, till I, like little Much- Afraid, will reach the top. How I love these lines from the book, Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard:

"He was there-standing on the peak-just as she had known he would be, strong and grand and glorious in the beauty of the sunrise, holding out both hands and calling to her with a great laugh, "You – with the hind's feet- jump over here."

"At last", he said, as she knelt speechless at his feet, "at last you are here and the `night of weeping is over and joy comes to you in the morning'" Then, lifting her up, he continued, "This is the time when you are to receive the fulfillment of the promise. Never am I to call you Much Afraid again." At that he laughed again and said, "I will write upon her a new name, the name of her God. `The Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.' (Ps. 84:11) This is
your new name:, he declared. "From henceforth you are Grace and Glory."

He bowed his head and she took his hands in hers, the scarred hands which had sown the thorn-shaped seed in her heart, and the hands with the grasp of steel which had torn out that love which had been the cause of all her pain, and kissed them while tears of joy fell on
them.

"And now for the promise", said he, "that when Love flowers in your heart you shall be loved again." Taking her hand in his, he said, "Behold I have set my love upon thee and thou art mine…Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee." (Jer. 3:3)

And then Much-Afraid's pebbles of trial turned into beautiful stones and a crown."

Lord,

I have known the LOVE

Of many here below.

But no love will compare

With the LOVE that YOU will show.

On that beautiful day

When I meet You face to face,

I shall run to Thee

And find a WARM EMBRACE….FOREVER!

In Jesus' name. Amen!

Psalm 61:1-8

2009-03-31T10:56:00.000-05:00

Psalm 61:1-8 June 1999

1 Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer.

Yes, Lord!

2 From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Strong's definition – 5848 – overwhelmed – "to shroud, i.e. clothe… from the idea of darkness - to languish: -cover (over)…faint, feebler, hide self..be overwhelmed, swoon."

Lord, this is how I feel when I don't know what's really going on inside my body - when I don't know what I'm reacting to - when I can't tell whether or not I have a real fever – when the Candida seems to flare up – whenever I can't tell whether I'm "reacting" or "detoxifying". O Lord, my heart is OVERWHELMED, shrouded in DARKNESS, and I feel faint as if there is no hope…BUT THEN Your "touch" comes to me and HOPE is renewed! How I praise You, Lord, for being my ROCK – the HIGHER WISDOM, the rock that is higher than I. Often I cannot tell what is going on. Often I do not know what to do. But You know exactly what's going on. Be my doctor, and give me Your wisdom, Lord.

Lord, lead me to the rock that is higher than I! Lead me to the rock… the HIGH ROCK...way high above the pollution of this world...high up on Your "mountain top" where the "air" is clean and pure…a place where I can breathe easily…a place where the air is free from chemicals and exhaust. Ah, Lord, you are that ROCK! LIFT ME UP TO THEE!

I cannot climb unaided for my strength is weak. Lift me up to Thee where I can "breathe' again and where I shall no longer feel overwhelmed!

3 For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.

Strong's definition – Shelter – "hope, (place of) refuge, shelter, trust."

Yes, Lord, I'm crying unto You once again "FOR" – BECAUSE You have helped me in the past, and I know You will help me yet again! You have been a SHELTER for me – a place of hope – a place of HOPE! Yes, YOU are my only hope for an environmentally safe room to live in .
Please provide one, Lord…but until then, I shall run into YOU, my strong tower, and YOU shall be my SHELTER from the devil and the enemy of pollen, dust, mold, and chemicals.

4 I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah.

It seems I have no "safe" place here on earth, but there in thy tabernacle under the safety of thy wings, I shall abide. No need for expensive electric air conditioning and heating there – no need for expensive "chemical-free" building materials! No mold – no pollen – no dust! Ah, there is my perfect home where I will "react" no more to my surroundings, and I will abide there in thy tabernacle FOREVER! Hallelujah!

"Therefore the redeemed of the LORD shall return, and come with singing unto Zion; and EVERLASTING JOY shall be upon their head: they shall obtain GLADNESS and JOY; and SORROW and MOURNING shall flee away." (Is. 51:11)

5 For thou, O God, hast heard my vows: thou hast given me the heritage of those that fear thy name.

Lord, You have heard my secret vows and hopes and dreams and desires. You know the secrets of my heart! Hear my prayers, O Lord!

Those who reverence Your NAME…those who are Your children by grace are given a great INHERITANCE! Hallelujah! Thank-You, Lord, that You have included me. Thou hast given me a great HERITAGE…Your TESTIMONIES…which are the rejoicing of my heart. (Psalm 119:11) You have given me eternal life and spiritual REALITIES!You have given me special PROMISES – YOUR VERY WORDS by which I have experienced these things:

1)I have partaken of Your divine nature. You have shared with me Your "native disposition" –pure, clean, holy – which formerly I knew nothing of (II Peter1:4) The word "nature" can mean "growth", and I know that I shall grow more and more Christlike through my sickness,
and "when (You) shall appear, (I) shall be like You." (I Jn. 3:2b) What a wonderful thing to shout about! Surely the environmental illness I experience is Your MEANS for my GROWTH in grace that I might learn patience and rejoicing through suffering.

2) I have been delivered from the powers of darkness and have been translated into the kingdom of Your dear Son. (Col. 1:12-13)

3) I have VICTORY, and no weapon or word from man or devils shall prosper against me! (Is 54:17)J

4) I have an INHERITANCE in heaven which is "incorruptible, and undefiled, and …fadeth not away." It is RESERVED in heaven for (me)! (I Peter 1:4) Hallelujah!

Surely my INHERITANCE is even greater than this, but this is a beginning meditation at least. Lord, especially I want to think on these word today – that YOUR "DIVINE POWER hath given unto (me) ALL THINGS TH PERTAIN UNTO LIFE AND GODLINESS"! (II Peter 1:3) You will give me everything I NEED in order to live for as long as You want me
to live physically, and You will give me what I need to have REAL LIFE – ABUNDANT LIFE _ SPIRITUAL LIFE now and for always…and to grow in GODLINESS. Thank-You!

6 Thou wilt prolong the king's life: and his years as many generations.

You prolonged David's life. And mine? Thank-You, Lord, for these verses-

"Thou shalt come to thy grave in a full age, like shock of corn
cometh in his season." (Job 5:26)

"And even to your old age I am he; and even to hoar hairs will I carry you: I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you." (Is. 46:4)

Thank-You, Lord, for CARRYING me, for figuratively, I'm too weak to even walk.

7 He shall abide before God for ever: O prepare mercy and truth which may preserve him.

Strong's definition –

Prepare – "to weigh out…allot, enumerate or enroll…appoint, count, number, prepare, set,tell"

Mercy –"pity"

Truth – stability, (fig.) certainty, truth, trustworthiness… assuredly, faithful…"

David the king says he shall "sit down" and "settle" with YOU and make You his HOME forever. This is my desire, too. Yes, Lord, thank- You for "enrolling" me in Your number who are "allotted" MERCY and TRUTH. Continue to "appoint" and "weigh out' these two things for me. PREPARE mercy and truth for me, like a meal, each day. As You feed me MERCY and TRUTH surely these will be the things that will PRESERVE me and keep me alive both physically and spiritually! The TOUCH of Your Holy Spirit making YOUR WORD effectual in my life..This is MERCY and TRUTH – You are crying for me, and YOU ALONE know how I feel each day. This is MERCY! – You are enabling me to meditate in Your Word, and this brings TRUTH – STABILITY in my life. This is MERCY, too. May the "stability" come especially in a spiritual way, but may it come also physically that I may not get any worse in my health. MERCY and TRUTH – These will PRESERVE me and protect me from the evil one. Hallelujah! And Spurgeon says, "We cannot keep ourselves, and nothing short of divine mercy and truth can do it; but these both can and will, nor shall the least of the people of God be suffered to perish."

8a So will I sing praise unto thy name for ever.

As You answer these prayers, and even BEFORE, I will "celebrate" in song and SING PRAISE unto thy name, Jehovah Rapha! As Spurgeon says, "We ought not to leap in prayer and limp in praise. "So as I sing Psalm 61 to You today, may I meditate on these things and not only cry unto You with supplications, but may I PRAISE You in ADVANCE for WHO YOU ARE and what You are in the process of doing! All praise belongs to Thee, my Lord!

8b that I may daily perform my vows.

Lord, what a sweet promise! Praising You in song EACH DAY is a special "means of grace" for my sanctification. It will be a HELP to me in PERFORMING for Your glory! "An apple a day keeps the doctor away," as the saying goes. And a PSALM a DAY helps to keep the devil away! "The JOY of the LORD is (my) STRENGTH! (Neh. 8:10) If I REJOICE "in thy name…all the day" no matter how I feel, surely I will "be exalted" in thy righteousness"! (Ps. 89:16) Sanctification comes to me as I sing praise to You! Thou art God, my "EXCEEDING JOY"! (Ps 43:4)

In Jesus' name. Amen!

EI Mom Of 7

Psalm 63

2009-03-30T11:39:00.001-05:00

Psalm 63

Spring/Summer 1999

1 O God, thou are my God; early will I seek thee, my soul thirsteth for thee; my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is.

Yes, thou art my God, and I am Your little, broken, bleeding lamb hiding my face in Your bosom this morning. Everyday I say "Jesus, Lover of my soul, let me to thy bosom fly!" You know about my broken heart this morning. I am so sorry I've disgraced Your name by
not suffering in silence. I'm sorry that I've let this sickness be such a burden on everyone. Give me grace to suffer in silence, Lord, and by a mighty miracle take away the need for these supplements which cost so much money. You are my only Hope!

"Jesus, Lover of my soul. Let me to thy bosom fly!" I am thirsty for You! I want You! I want YOU! I want YOU! And I want to be like You – patient in tribulation! Lord, what a selfish person I've been! May I want life and health not for my good, but for the good of my dear husband and children. May I rejoice in my sufferings, and may I even be willing to die. May they see Christ in me!

2 To see thy power and thy glory, so as I have seen thee in the sanctuary.

Ah yes, to see thy power – thy power in my life, not only in the sanctuary in my private prayer times with You, but in the midst of my family each day. May I see Your POWER in my life to be QUIET and to rejoice in suffering.

3 Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee.

Yes, to know You is BETTER than living physically, and some days when it looks like I may be getting worse…Oh Lord, if I die, yet I have found and EXPERIENCED YOU! Ah…this is LIFE! O Lord, give me grace to praise Thee everyday I spite of my aches and pains and strange and
uncomfortable symptoms…

4 Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in thy name.

Lord, I feel pretty rotten today. The day is rainy, and the MOLD everywhere seems ready to grab me and swallow me up. I must be extremely mold sensitive, but I'm still alive! I'm still alive! Thank You, Lord! So I will bless You today while I still live. I will now lift up my hands in praise, and I will lift up my hands to You as a little toddler lifts up her hands for her daddy to pick her up. Yes…I now lift up my hands, and You are taking me into Your bosom. Hallelujah!

5 My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness; and my mouth shall praise thee with joyful lips.

Lord, again today my body is about to "crash". I've had a two week long cough and a night without enough sleep – and You know my body, Lord, and how it ACHES when it is sleep deprived, but today I suffer and REJOICE! My soul is SATISFIED, full and overflowing with You! My inner being is rich and happy – as with marrow and fatness – rejoicing with ABUNDANCE because You have worked a little miracle today in the heart of one that I love! My mouth praises thee with joyful lips!

6 When I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night watches.

Yesterday my body was weak and tired, but I thank You, Lord, that I made it through the day. Thank You, thank You, thank You that although I woke several times last night, still I woke up refreshed this morning! Sleep makes all the difference in the world! Because of this environmental illness, yesterday I felt that our future plans were IMPOSSIBLE. But..WHEN I meditated on You, You enabled me to find rest and peace – knowing that if our plans are YOUR PLANS - SOMEHOW everything will work out BECAUSE…

7 Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice.

Yes, You've always helped me before! Some way or another, surely You will help me again! Thank You, Lord! I will be JOYFUL and shout and sing aloud under Your wings in Your shadow. I'm like a little helpless chick, and You are my PROTECTOR. "That thy BELOVED – (ME) –may be delivered; save with thy right hand, and hear me. " (Ps. 60:5)
In Jesus' name. Amen.

8 My soul followeth hard after thee: thy right hand upholdeth me.

Jesus, Lover of my soul, my soul follows hard after Thee. I CLING to Thee today. Oh, Lord, do not go away! Speak to my heart! Speak to my heart! Sickness often numbs my spiritual senses, and my heart grieves when You seem to "slip away". Thank You that Thy right hand
UPHOLDS me – physically and spiritually!

9 But those that seek my soul, to destroy it, shall go into the lower parts of the earth.

"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." (Eph.
6:12)

The devil and his angels are trying to destroy me, but they have no power. The devil is trying to rush over me with a tempest. I FEEL it in my body – even now…and yesterday VERY MUCH, but..

10 They shall fall by the sword: they shall be a portion for foxes.

Thank You, Lord, for this verse –

"The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the EVERLASTING ARMS: and he shall thrust out the enemy from before thee; and shall say, DESTROY THEM." (Deut. 33:27)

11a But the king shall REJOICE in GOD;

Yes, and I shall rejoice in You, too!

"I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath clothed me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decketh himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorneth herself with her
jewels." (Is. 61:10)

11b&c everyone that swareth by him shall glory: but the mouth of them that speak lies shall be stopped.

Lord, You are a God of truth. You always speak TRUTH and bring HOPE! The devil lies, and he shall be STOPPED! I give myself to YOU, and I SHALL glory! Someday I SHALL be well! Someday I SHALL live in a place with You where I no longer "react" to my environment!
Hallelujah! Amen!

Psalm 46:10, 11 and 47:14

2009-03-30T11:38:00.002-05:00

July 1999

Lord, severe environmental illness has brought me to the place of "stillness". I'm too sick to continue the "rat race" like almost everyone else. They are so BUSY, BUSY, BUSY, and I use to be BUSY, too...but YOU have "stopped me in my tracks" and whispered "BE STILL, and KNOW that I am GOD." What else can I do but LISTEN? Thank You, Lord, for slowing me down that I might hear Your voice!

Psalm 46:10a, 11 and 47:14

Be still, and know that I am God…

The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah…

For this God is our God for ever and ever: he will be our guide even unto death.

Yes, today I will sit and be still…SILENCE IS "GOLDEN", and in silence I will hear Your voice and KNOW that You, the Almighty Lord of hosts, art with me. Selah!…("Continue to be still, oh my soul, and meditate on this awesome fact of God's presence in Your midst!" …Lord, sometimes my discomfort and fatigue is so great that all I can manage to say is "Baa-aa!" I am Your little lamb, and Your arms are my place of refuge! Although the Y2K days ahead look very "gloomy", especially for the chronically ill like me who need medications and who can't eat "normal food" without great suffering, yet I know that You are my God NOW and FOREVER! You will guide me and be with me each moment for the rest of my life…even if I must SUFFER much more than my current sufferings…even until death! Love, come quickly!

I love this song, Lord…

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds will know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone.
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

-song by Katharinva von Schlegel