Psalm 88

Have you ever felt like you might be dying? Have you ever lived through Psalm 88 along with the Psalmist? If so, I'd love to hear your "story", too! If not, and you don't like emotional things, you can just delete this one. :) (Smile!) This is a longer post, but I thought it would be best to do the whole Psalm at once this time.

Aug. 1998

Psalm 88

1 O LORD GOD OF MY SALVATION, I HAVE CRIED DAY AND NIGHT BEFORE THEE:

O Lord, You KNOW this is true! I'm drinking my Chaste Tree Berry/Raspberry Tea, and things are better, but it is still not gone. This affliction has basically lasted now for almost 2 months!

Few days later...

2 LET MY PRAYER COME BEFORE THEE: INCLINE THINE EAR UNTO MY CRY;

O Lord, why? What is happening? Shall I call 911? O Lord, please, please, PLEASE let my prayer come before thee: Please open your ears to my prayer!

A day or so later...

Thank-You, Lord, for the sweet time of family sharing and confession! Thank-You for the prayer of my sweet husband and the anointing oil! For my dear husband and children's sake, please heal me and keep me from the hospital and a D& C. You know we don't have the money or the insurance.

Aug. 17, 1998

Oh, thank-You, thank-You, Lord, that the doctor won't do a D&C! She said it would be too dangerous in light of the fact that my uterine walls are so thin because I've had so many babies. So may this Progesterone work. Amen.

Aug. 19, 1998

3 FOR MY SOUL IS FULL OF TROUBLES: AND MY LIFE DRAWETH NIGH UNTO THE
GRAVE.

Lord, as I lay here again on the doctor's recliner on my 20th anniversary, I feel this verse very heavily. "For my soul is full of troubles: and my life draweth nigh unto the grave." Shall they have to do a D&C even yet? Will my uterus rupture? Will I die? Lord, You know the concerns I have about anesthesia and antibiotics, and my body seems to be so chemically sensitive...

O Lord, as I lay here I shall sing, "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want...YEA, THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH, I WILL FEAR NO EVIL...

About 4 days later after the medicine they gave me...

4 I AM COUNTED WITH THEM THAT GO DOWN INTO THE PIT: I AM AS A MAN THAT HATH NO STRENGTH:
5 FREE AMONG THE DEAD, LIKE THE SLAIN THAT LIE IN THE GRAVE, WHOM THOU REMEMBEREST NO MORE:
6 THOU HAST LAID ME IN THE LOWEST PIT, IN DARKNESS, IN THE DEEPS.


What is happening to my body, Lord? What is happening? This medication is KILLING me! Dizziness, burning, nervousness and anxiety, heart palpitations, "brain fog", extreme hunger and thirst, fatigue, etc! Lord, I can't sleep! Thou hast "laid me in DARKNESS, and I have "NO STRENGTH". Lord, how can I ever survive without SLEEP? I didn't even "drop off" for one minute last night...or the night
efore, I don't think!

7 THY WRATH LIETH HARD UPON ME, AND THOU HAST AFFLICTED ME WITH ALL THY WAVES. SELAH.

Though it seems Your WAVES are overflowing me, I shall believe Your words, "Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name: THOU ART MINE. When thou passest through the waters, I WILL BE WITH THEE; and through the rivers, THEY SHALL NOT OVERFLOW THEE: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither
shall the flame kindle upon thee." (Is. 43:1b-2)

8 THOU HAST PUT AWAY MINE ACQUAINTANCE FAR FROM ME; THOU HAST MADE ME
AN ABOMINATION UNTO THEM: I AM SHUT UP, AND I CANNOT COME FORTH.

Lord, I am SHUT UP..shut up here in my room. It seems like FOREVER since I've taken a walk outside, but it always seems to get worse when I get up, so I'm staying here in my bed. Although friends are far away, I am so thankful that I do not have to quote the middle part of this verse and apply it to myself. Thank-You for the e-mails and the letters! Thank-You for all the friends who are praying for me!

9 MINE EYE MOURNETH BY REASON OF AFFLICTION: LORD, I HAVE CALLED DAILY UPON THEE, I HAVE STRETCHED OUT MY HANDS UNTO THEE.

Yes, Lord, Yes! I deserve nothing but thy Almighty wrath! But please, Lord, have MERCY upon me. Mine eye mourneth. I cry and cry! I stretch forth my hands to Thee!

10 WILT THOU SHEW WONDERS TO THE DEAD? SHALL THE DEAD ARISE AND PRAISE THEE? SE-LAH.
11 SHALL THY LOVINGKINDNESS BE DECLARED IN THE GRAVE? OR THY FAITHFULNESS IN DESTRUCTION?
12 SHALL THY WONDERS BE KNOWN IN THE DARK? AND THY RIGHTEOUSNESS IN
THE LAND OF FORGETFULNESS?

O Lord, if I die, who shall continue my "meditations"? I long to declare Thy faithfulness and Thy truth! I long to write and share that You have been my MERCIFUL Jehovah-Rapha, my healer!

13 BUT UNTO THEE HAVE I CRIED, O LORD; AND IN THE MORNING SHALL MY PRAYER PREVENT THEE.

Unto Thee I cry, O Lord! I fall upon my face this morning once again. Let my prayer precede thy MERCY. In Jesus' name. Amen!

14 LORD, WHY CASTETH THOU OFF MY SOUL? WHY HIDEST THOU THY FACE FROM
ME?
15 I AM AFFLICTED AND READY TO DIE FROM MY YOUTH UP: WHILE I SUFFER THY TERRORS I AM DISTRACTED.

Lord, why do You hide Your face? Why do You seem so far away? Yes, I have been afflicted from my youth up, but now I really suffer thy TERRORS tonight more than ever before! The digestive problems and extreme nervousness and anxiety is a TERROR that I can hardly deal
with! Every move the children make in the livingroom causes this trailer to shake and makes me even more nervous! And while I suffer thy terrors, I am DISTRACTED. I NEED sleep, but I cannot sleep! O Lord, be pleased to HELP ME!

16 THY FIERCE WRATH GOETH OVER ME; THY TERRORS HAVE CUT ME OFF.
17 THEY CAME ROUND ABOUT ME DAILY LIKE WATER; THEY COMPASSED ME ABOUT
ALTOGETHER.

Lord, thy TERRORS have compassed me about ALTOGETHER! I've stopped the medicine and switched to Progest cream, and now I'm back where I started from. O Lord, please let this tea help. And the burning! The over-the-counter medicine makes things worse. Please give me a
natural remedy!

O Lord, I'm losing weight! Will I survive this, Lord?

18 LOVER AND FRIEND HAST THOU PUT FAR FROM ME, AND MINE ACQUAINTANCE
INTO DARKNESS.

Lord, although in thinking about death I am ALONE with YOU, yet I know many are praying for me. Thank-you for the special homemade card , and thank-You for the elderly woman who said that she fell on her knees to pray for me. Tears come to my eyes, Lord! Bless this
dear lady who also has been through so much! Bless her beyond measure for her kindness and prayers! In Jesus' name. Amen!