My Testimony - Written around 2000 or before.....
I was born into a Christian home, so the 10 commandments were well-known to me, and I came to understand that I was a sinner and deserving of God's wrath as a child. But I'm not sure I understood that not only did I DO bad things, but also that I had a very wicked HEART. I'm not sure I understood that the 10 commandments were much deeper and included also the thoughts and intents of the heart...Example:
1. Thou shalt have NO OTHER GODS before me. (money, sex, sports, music,etc.)
2. Thou shalt not make UNTO THEE any GRAVEN IMAGE. (statues of Mary and saints, pictures of Jesus, etc.)
3. Thou shalt not take the NAME of the Lord thy God IN VAIN. (taking the title of Christian, but not living like Christ; cursing, etc.)
4. Remember the SABBATH day, to keep it HOLY. (delighting and resting in God, too, etc.)
5. HONOR thy father and thy mother. (inward submission, not just
outward)
6. Thou shalt NOT KILL.(satisfying your selfish desires to the physical or emotional injury of others; hating others; abortion)
7. Thou shalt not commit ADULTERY (adultery in the heart and mind also)
8. Thou shalt not STEAL. (misusing God's gifts, including time and money;plagiarism, etc.)
9. Thou shalt not bear FALSE WITNESS against thy neighbor. (lying)
10. Thou shalt not COVET. (not being content with what God has given you;desiring what others have)
But in simple child-like faith, I think I could have sung this song:
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Oh, I was very, very bad,
And I made God so mad,
And I needed a great big spanking.
But Jesus came and died,
And shed his blood for me,
And now I can jump in God's arms!
Oh, I can jump in God's arms,
And He will make me good.
I can jump in God's arms,
'Cause Jesus took my spanking for me.
When I was sorry for my bad,
Jesus turned my sad to glad,
And now I am SAFE in God's arms!
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But I didn't always feel so sure that I was REALLY saved....and maybe I really wasn't until much later. Once I wrote these words:
Lord of Glory, Lord of Wrath and Justice..but also Lord of Love...Once my sins were black as night, and although I tried with all my might to experience Your peace, I had no peace BECAUSE I felt I must DO something to experience Your smile. But in YOUR TIME, You
bestowed on me the GIFT OF FAITH and the ASSURANCE to KNOW that Christ bore Your wrath for my sins that I might experience Your love. By Your grace I was enabled to
EXPERIENCE Your complete PEACE through these precious words of the song - "NOTHING in my hand I bring. Simply to thy cross I cling." From eternity past You had a promise
for me...these words form Jer. 29:11:
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of PEACE, and not of evil, to give you an EXPECTED END."(Salvation)
And because of this very special PROMISE to me, You gave me grace throughout my early years to keep on SEEKING...to keep on praying...to keep on searching for that peace that I knew only You could give. The promise is continued in verses 12-14:
"THEN shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto You. And ye shall seek me, and FIND ME,when ye shall SEARCH for me with all your heart. And I WILL BE FOUND OF YOU, saith the LORD: and I will turn away your CAPTIVITY...."
Through YOU, dear Jesus, I have an "admission ticket" to the Father. Faith in the precious blood is my ticket, and it is because of Your wonderful grace that I can "stand" before the Father saying, "NOTHING in my hand I bring. Simply to thy cross I cling" as I REJOICE and
SING.
"I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness..." (Is. 61:19)
Yes, I will rejoice and know that You will get the glory for my salvation..for salvation is OF THE LORD! And yes, CHRIST IN ME is my only hope!
God is slowly drawing me out of many "waters" like Ps. 18:6 says - the "waters" of earthly pleasures, passions, possessions, and position. Psalm 107 is really my testimony! I wandered around in the wilderness"of this world especially during my teen years looking for
POPULARITY and happiness in academic excellence and music. Then during my early marriage I looked for happiness in THINGS and in the joys of love and attention from my dear, sweet husband. Also the joys of dressing up and taking pictures of my sweet babies and watching their accomplishments, especially in academic excellence as I "homeschooled" them, had my heart. I was certainly "botching up" the REASON FOR MY EXISTENCE since there was so much pride and selfishness in my heart... and WANTING MY OWN WAY. Unfortunately, GOD was not my ALL SATISFYING TREASURE.
And then...over several years' time, my life was touched with calamity - a baby that died, a near nervous breakdown, financial disaster, persecution, chronic illness. My "soul fainted" in me! Nothing mattered anymore except to LIVE IN THE ARMS OF JESUS and to MEDITATE IN HIS WORD day and night! He is becoming my "city of habitation", my "secret dwelling and hiding place"! He is becoming my "TREASURE CHEST OF HOLY JOY"! (Term coined by Dr. John Piper)
Yes, one of my favorite verses is:
Psalm 18:28
For thou wilt LIGHT MY CANDLE: the LORD my God will ENLIGHTEN MY DARKNESS.
Yes, He has LIT my candle! In the midst of great sickness, He has "set me on fire" and made His Word my DELIGHT! I believe it is the thing that is keeping me alive!
HOW SWEET
ALL AT ONCE IT WAS FOR ME
to be rid of those fruitless joys
which I had once feared to lose!..
You drove them from me,
you who are the true,
the sovereign joy.
You drove them from me and took their place,
you who are sweeter than all pleasure...
O Lord my God, my Light, my Wealth,
and my Salvation.
Augustine
Confessions, IX, I.
This poem, too is special:
"We may wait till He explains,
Because we know that Jesus reigns."
It puzzles me; but, Lord, Thou understandest,
And wilt one day explain this crooked thing.
Meanwhile, I know that it has worked out Thy best-
Its very crookedness taught me to cling.
Thou hast fenced up my ways, made my paths crooked,
To keep my wand'ring eyes fixed on Thee,
To make me what I was not, humble, patient;
To draw my heart from earthly love to Thee.
So I will thank and praise Thee for his puzzle,
And trust where I cannot understand.
Rejoicing Thou dost hold me worth such testing,
I cling the closer to Thy guiding hand.
---F.E.M.I. from the book, "Streams in the Desert" by Mrs. Charles
E. Cowman Copyright 1925 by Cowman Publications, Inc. Used by
permission of Zondervan Publishing House.
To elaborate a little more on my illness and what God is teaching me through it - This illness is bringing me to a greater place of QUIETNESS and STILLNESS before God. Love, joy, peace, longsuffering, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance....Illness has been and still is God's "seed bed" for learning such things!True Christianity is a NARROW road, but a HAPPY one...It's a way of submission and self- denial...
We pray for submission, and God sends SUFFERINGS; for "we learn obedience by the things we suffer... "
---Selected From "Streams in the Desert" by Mrs. Cowman Copyright
1925 by Cowman Publications, Inc. Used by pemission of Zondervan
Publishing House.
I like Spurgeon's comments also:
"...sweetened with submission....What a reason for hushing every murmuring thought is the reflection, "because thou didst it"! It is his right to do as he wills, and he always wills to do that which is wisest and kindest:why should I then arraign his dealings? Nay, if it be indeed the Lord, let him do what seemeth him good."
"Silence from all repining did not prevent the voice of prayer, which must never cease. In all probability the Lord would grant the psalmist's petition, for he usually removes affliction when we are resigned to it; if we kiss the rod, our Father always burns it. When we are still, the rod is soon still..."
"Good pleas may be found in our weakness and distress. It is well to show our Father the bruises which his scourge has made, for peradventure his fatherly pity will bind his hands, and move him to comfort us in his bosom.It is not to consume us, but to consume our sins, that the Lord aims at in his chastisements."
Specifically, through this illness God has dealt with me concerning my "pet sins" - lack of submission and reverence to my husband, whining about how I feel, and fear.With this FM and MCS illness, which is a "sickness of the jumping symptoms", before I had an accurate diagnosis, it was especially difficult in the area of fear. Then at my sickest point so far, God finally brought me to a place where I was not afraid of death...This became my favorite song:
LOVE, COME QUICKLY
Love, come quickly, Love, my Love.
I saw the fire in your eyes.
I know I've done what You despise.
I spurned the love of Your grace,
Spit my hatred in Your face.
I sought the world for happiness,
Because I loved You not.
Love, come quickly, Love, my Love.
You reached down with Your arms of love,
And drew me to Your throne above.
You filled me with hope anew,
And washed me with a love for You.
I seek You now for happiness,
Because You loved me first.
Love, come quickly, Love, my Love.
I see You now as through a glass,
But someday I'll see You face to face.
My heart will bask in Your peace,
Leap with joy from sin's release.
My heart will swell with thankfulness.
To this world I'll be loathe to return.
Love, come quickly, Love, my Love.
The freedom of my body from earthly pain,
Will be nothing compared to the great gain,
Of having pride flee my breast.
Of having You wash me in humbleness,
For there's nothing good in me;
To Your blood I trustingly cling!
Love, come quickly, Love, my Love.
The glory of the pearly gates is dim,
Compared to the love I feel for Him.
The best thing about the heavenly place,
Is the One Who touched me with His grace.
If I am not His lover now,
I will not His lover be then!
Love, come quickly, Love, my Love.
Love, come quickly, Love.
-S.J.C.
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Testimony Letter - Written many years ago
Dear ____,
How true are those words, "Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created." (Rev. 4:11) Truly, "the chief end of man is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever"! To really know Him in a personal way - what joy! It is true, isn't it? "Unto you therefore which believe he is precious." (I Pet. 2:;;7a)
Oh, where shall I begin to tell the story of His love for me and how he called me to be a part of a "chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that (I) should shew forth the praises of him who called (me) out of darkness into his marvelous light.". (I Pet. 2:9)?
Now I don't know exactly when that day was fore me. Perhaps it was when I was a child, as I thought, or perhaps it was when the Lord called me to simple obedience through His Word in some things that I had not thought much about before. He worked in me grace to "will and to do of his good pleasure". (Phil. 2:13) And His will for me was modesty - long dresses and a head covering (I Cor. 11:1-16, Is. 47:1-3), a desire to be submissive, a willingness to give up a career and to stay at home to "school"my children and lead them to know Him, and (I Per. 3:1-6, Titus 2:4-5) a willingness to get rid of a lot of things in my life that did not honor Him - in reality, to change my while lifestyle! (Phil. 4:8;, I Cor. 10:31) I am nothing, but I praise Him for working these things in me!
Truly, "(I) love him, because he first loved (me)." (I Jn. 4:19) If it had been left to me, I never would have loved Him. Jesus said, "No man can come to me, except the father which hath sent me draw him..." (Jn. 6:44) and "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you.." (Jn. 15;16) I did not find Him. He found me! For I was not the one who was drowning in sin with a life preserver being offered to me of which I could lay hold and be saved. But rather, I was already dead - "dead in trespasses and sins" (Eph. 2:1) and God made me alive and gave me a new heart and the gift of faith (Eph. 2:8) and made me willing to trust Him in the day of His power. (Ps. 110:3) "For as many as were ordained to eternal life believed." (Acts 13:48) And how I praise the Lord for His goodness in sending someone to speak and write of the truth to me that I might be saved. How important it is for us to share this "Good News", too, for God uses this means to bring His sheep to Himself as Jn. 10:27 says, "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. (Jn. 10:27) Hallelujah!
The Lord has showed me that I had nothing to do with my natural birth or my spiritual birth. I was born, not of blood (family heritage), nor of the will of the flesh (good works), nor of the will of man (my will), but of God. (Jn. 1:13) "So then it is not of him that willeth (free will) nor of him that runneth (good works) but of God that sheweth mery." (Rom. 9:16) (Parentheses mine) Salvation is all of grace! Hallelujah! "Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost." (Titus 3:5) So then, "...by grace (I am) saved through faith; and that not of (myself): it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest (I) should boast." (Eph. 2:8-9) But I am "...his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hast before ordained that (I) should walk in them." (Eph. 2:10) So I will do good works by God's grace, not for my salvation, but because He gave me His love, and I want to glorify Him!
My hearts' desire is to go with Him all the way! And as I grow in my Christian walk, the Lord keeps pointing my sins out to me - my pride, my selfishness, my lack of true submission and self-control, my coldness of heart and lack of love for Him and others. And in fact, the more I grow in Him, the more I realize what a sinner I am and that my "heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked." (Jer.17:9) Not only do I do sinful things, but I still have that remaining sinful heart. I sin not only in action and in deed, but also in attitudes and thoughts. "To him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin." (James 4:17) How many things have I left undone that I should have done? Woe is me! But "Thanks be unto God which always causeth us to triumph in Christ." (II Cor. 2:14) - who gives us victory over sin and works in us more and more each day His holiness. "But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day." (Prov. 4:18)
God is such a holy and righteous God and I have offended Him. There is not hope for me apart from the blood sacrifice of Jesus Christ, His only Son. I am thankful for the verse that says, "All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out." (Jn. 6:37) How thankful I am, too, that He died for His sheep (Jn. 10:15), and that I am his little sheep, not because of any good thing in me or in anything He knew I would become )because all of m "righteousnesses are as filthy rags" (Is. 64:6), but because of His sovereign love for me before the foundation of the world. (Eph. 1:4-5) He covered me in His love and paid the penalty for my awful sin. Hallelujah!
I use to be a very fearful person, and still I struggle with this at times, but I use to be very afraid of bridges and other such things which might lead to an immediate death. I was always afraid that perhaps I was not truly saved - that perhaps I might be irritated with my children or something and then immediately die without having time to confess that sin. I wondered, "Would I really go to heaven or not?" But God gave me assurance several years ago and especially through my 13 month old baby's death, that it is not what I do that saves me. It id what Jesus has done! Praise the Lord! When I stand before God Almighty in that day, I will have to fall before Him and plead the blood of Jesus. He is my only hope! 'Nothing in my hand I bring. Simply to Thy cross I cling" will be my prayer.
How thankful I am, also, for God's promise that He gives me "eternal life; and (I) shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck (me) out of (His) hand. (Jn. 10:28) "For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of His Son,t hat he might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified." (Rom. 8:30-31) If I am truly justified, then I will be glorified. Yes, and "he that (began) a good work in (me) will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." (Phil. 1:6) "To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for (me) who am kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. (I Pet. 1:4-5) All the way through my Christian life, He will lead me. I praise the Lord that He is the "author and finisher" of my faith"! (Heb. 12:2) He shall keep me for I would fall away for sure if it were not for His sovereign grace and mercy and His promise to keep me! And yet I know that I must always be on guard for there are many who think they are Christians and are not, but who will apostasize as I Jn. 2:13 indicates. "They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us." "Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven." (Matt.7:21) And so my prayer is, "O Lord, show me thy will and give me grace to obey, for I long to be holy like Thee."
"Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss of the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ. And be found in Him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith: That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection , and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto this death." (Phil. 3:8-10)
Now, I've shared my testimony and thoughts with you and what the Lord has taught me. Can you say a hearty "Amen"? I'd love to hear how the Lord has blessed you with His love, too! Please write!
In His Sovereign Grace and Love,
Sherry
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His Love - by Mark Webb
O the wonder of wonders - That God should love me!
Love a sinner so guilty, so vile and unclean!
To love the unlovely, how can it be done?
'Tis only in Jesus, through His blessed Son!
Long before I ever knew Him, my Lord first knew me;
Before I ever sought Him, my Lord first sought me;
When I was in darkness, His sworn enemy,
He purchased my pardon on Calvary's tree!
His love is a mountain that I cannot scale!
As wide as the ocean that I cannot sail!
I'll never lay hold of, my mind fully see,
This love that in mercy, first laid hold of me!
Not that I first did choose Him, for that could not be!
Still this heart would refuse Him had he left it to me-
I'd still fight that battle which no man can win,
I'd still bar the heart's-door that letteth Him in!
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I Sought the Lord - Author unknown
I sought the Lord, and afterward I knew
He moved my soul to seek him, seeking me;
It was not I that found, O Savior true,
No, I was found of thee.
Though didst reach forth thy hand and mine enfold;
I walked and sank not on the storm-vexed sea,
"Twas not so much that I on thee took hold,
As thou, dear Lord, on me.
I find, I walk, I love, but O the whole
Of love is but an answer, Lord, to thee;
For thou wert long before-hand with my soul,
Always thou lovedst me.
