Written in Mar./Apr. 2000
"Preserve Me For Pleasure in You" and " MCS struggles"
7 The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
Yes, Lord, You will PRESERVE me from all manner of evil. You will preserve me not only physically, but also mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The emphasis here is that You will preserve my SOUL! When I looked up the word "soul" in Strong's, one of the definitions was "PLEASURE", and I am rejoicing today that You will preserve my PLEASURE…PLEASURE IN YOU…FOREVER! Amen!
8 The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.
With every footstep I take, You are WITH ME! The idea here is that You will protect me, Lord, WHEREVER I am…WHEREVER I go…now and each day thereafter FOREVER..
You walked with me through the house yesterday morning, and though the smell of the new outgassing computer made me sick, You kept me from a serious episode and kept the rain away till evening so that I could flee to the field for fresh air. You went with me on my walk and kept the neighbors from coming and spraying their pesticides and burning their trash again. Yes, You "compassed" my path" (Ps. `39:3) and SURROUNDED it with Your LOVE!
You went with me on the trip to Mexico awhile back, and although it was dangerous in many ways, especially in light of my MCS, You PRESERVED my "going out" and my "coming in".
"Whither shall I go from thy spirit? Or whither shall I flee from thy presence?…If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall HOLD ME." (Ps. 139:9-10)
"If I say, Surely the DARKNESS shall cover me.." (Ps. 139:11a)
…which are the words I felt last night when I finally took a 5HTP in order to fall asleep…
O Lord, WHY did I stay up two nights in a row past my bedtime? WHY did I do it? Yes, we needed to deal with the children's problems, but… WHY did I stay up late? I thought I was better and that I could get away with it now. I didn't know it would hit me so hard! Maybe it's
because of the rain and the mistake I made in testing the Menopryn without lowering my estradiol dose.
Anyway...
"If I say, Surely the DARKNESS shall cover me…"
…which are the words I speak this monring because of the heavy FATIGUE and chest pains..
"If I say, Surely the DARKNESS shall cover me;..
even the NIGHT SHALL BE LIGHT ABOUT ME. Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the DARKNESS and the LIGHT are both alike to thee." (Ps. 139:11-12)
Wow, Lord! Make my "DARK DAYS" just as my "LIGHT DAYS". May they be both alike to me as they are to Thee.
Yes, Thou shalt preserve my "going out" and my "coming in", and I am encouraged that:
"The steps of a good man are ORDERED by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand." (Ps. 37:23-24)
Lord, it is absolutely amazing what just happened! I wanted to include these verses and meditate on them a little more, and so You just ORDERED my footsteps right to the laundry room! I delight in Your way of making this verse "come alive" for me. Surely You are sovereign, and You knew that the "Joy accident" was there. The kids aren't suppose to use the Joy dishwashing liquid anywhere around me, but surely You ordained the SPILL and the exposure to show me that I shall not be "utterly cast down" even when Satan throws his fiery darts – for You are UPHOLDING me with Your hand! Thank-You, Lord, for the Vitamin C and tri-salts which seem to help "calm" the reactions.
P.S. Please help us to find something to get stains out of clothes that I can tolerate so that we can be totally rid of the DAWN and JOY.
…And so as I close my meditations here on Psalm 121, I have a clearer view that YOU are my HELP! You are my KEEPER! Thank-You, Lord! Amen!
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