Psalm 102:7

Written Nov. 1999

Psalm 102:7

I watch, and am as a sparrow (in my case---a canary :) ) ALONE upon the house top.

Lord, years of chronic environmental illness finally take a toll not only on the victim, but also on the family of the one who suffers. The family suffers, too! The financial stress is monumental, and although there are supplements that help, to the family they don't always seem to help because there is still sickness--- and there are always new things going wrong and a need for new supplements, etc. A feeling of hopelessness falls upon the whole family! The stress is so great on the part of the caregivers that a point seems to come where there is nothing left to give…money is gone…understanding is gone…sympathy is gone. Indeed, the loved ones of the one who suffers are also dealing with intense feelings of inadequacy, impatience, anger, fear, grief, denial, loss of personal life, guilt perhaps, and more, as Jan Markell says. It is a horrible place of loneliness for the whole family!

Lord, as I sit here at "Heavenly Peace" this morning with the gentle wind blowing and the warming of the sun on my face, I praise You for the beautiful day, and I marvel at the way the sun changes things! Just a few hours ago I was huddled underneath the blankets in the
van feeling dejected and unloved, as You know. Coldness and darkness enveloped me, and I remembered the BITTER TEARS of last night. You were ALONE, too, Lord, with no room of Your own…Psalms 31, 38, 69, 88, and 142 have been a blessing to me this morning. YOU UNDERSTAND! YOU care for my soul!

The broken water pipes of a few days ago that soaked the corner of my closet carpet AGAIN brought me to the realization that my bedroom must be a horrible "mold trap", and I fled to the van with You. But after giving up my room yesterday to my children, a horrible SADNESS
overtook me as they began moving their things in. And it was compounded by the very strong "die-off" of yesterday from the Olive Leaf Extract that I am taking. I realized that now I have
no "special place" I can call my own where I can do my writing…no special place to plop down in the heat of the day when the weariness of my body overtakes me.

But thank-You for the SUN this morning, Lord! At least it's not raining, and at least it's not terribly cold at night yet. And thank- You for the hug and the sweet words from my baby awhile ago. She said, "I love you so, so, so much!" Yes, the SUN and…the SON changes things! Hallelujah! Lord God, YOU are my "SUN and SHIELD!" (Ps. 84:11)…

Psalm 142:5-7a

5 I cried unto thee, O LORD: I said, Thou art my refuge and my portion in the land of the living.

6 Attend unto my cry; for I am BROUGHT VERY LOW: deliver me from my persecutors; for they are stronger than I.

7 Bring my soul out of PRISON, that I may praise thy name…

_____________________________________________________________________

I wrote this in 1999, and I just want to praise the Lord's name and give Him thanks--- for although I had to sleep in the van for awhile and basically live outside a good part of the time, He has now brought me out of that "prison" of mold and given me another house and a much safer room than I had before! God is good!

EI Mom Of 7