Missing Puzzle Pieces...Waiting Only On God

Written August 1999

Missing Puzzle Pieces…Waiting Only On God

Psalm 62:5-8

5 My Soul, wait thou only upon God: for my expectation is from him.

Lord, as I read Dr. Sherry Roger's book, E.I Syndrome, I feel so much hope and so much despair all at the same time. So much hope for my getting better lies in doing the things she recommends, especially the environmental controls of a clean bedroom with an air purifier,
no carpet, and cotton mattress and bedding. She says this is ESSENTIAL! But HOW, O lord? I need to go to a drier, cleaner place with pure air, and I need to get out of this moldy trailer. But I don't really have the resources for all of these things.

Your Word to me this morning is Psalm 62:5-2:

"My soul, wait thou only upon God: for my expectation is from him."

Lord, when I looked in Strong's Concordance on the meaning of the word "wait", I found such thoughts as "to be dumb…to stop…hold peace, quiet self, rest, be silent…be (stand) still." Yes, I am to WAIT upon You in this way…I am to wait ONLY upon You. If I really NEED these things, surely You will provide for me if I WAIT quietly.

My expectation is from You! The definition of "expectation" is "lit. a cord (as an attachment)…fig. Expectancy:-..hope, live, thing that I long for. "

Yes, by Your grace I am attached to You! So just like a little baby in the womb receives all of the nourishment he needs through the umbilical cord, I will receive all that I need because I am attached to You.

My expectation (the thing I long for) will come from YOU if You see that I NEED it. As I wait and wait, may I quietly wait, and may I remember that when the clean place comes, no matter how it comes, it will be a present, a special PRESENT from YOU!

6 He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defense: I shall not be moved.

Yes, You ONLY are my rock and my SALVATION! "Salvation" is defined "… deliverance, hence AID, victory…HEALTH…saving health, welfare." YOU are my AID! YOU are my WELFARE! YOU can provide the things I need! YOU are my HEALTH! Yes, YOU are the only One who can provide the chemically free room, the cotton bedding and clothes, the organic food and clean water. YOU hold the "keys" to my health, and I must WAIT ON YOU!

You are my DEFENSE – "a cliff (or other lofty or inaccessible place) …" Yes, Lord, that's what I need – an inaccessible place where the molds, pollens, dusts, and chemicals cannot invade. You are my inaccessible place. YOU are my only hope!

7 In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.

Lord, if health ever comes to me again, even if it's just "better health"…and if any "glory" comes to me…by Your grace I shall say, "GOD sent the resources! GOD is the rock of my strength!" and yes, I shall stop right now and thank-YOU, Lord, for showing me many years ago that sugars made me dizzy. And over the years YOU have revealed to me the foods that were causing my fatigue. Thank-YOU for revealing to me several years ago that the horrible palpitations and "brain fog" and spaciness which made it difficult for me to even think were cause by the high carbohydrates I was eating. Thank-You for restoring my mind so that I can meditate on Your Word. Thank- YOU, Lord, for providing the resources and leading me to the right doctors who discovered my "leaky gut", mercury poisoning and low estradiol levels. Thank-YOU, Lord, for showing me that chemical exposures over the years have played a part in making me worse. Thank-YOU for being my DETECTIVE, and although I had to WAIT for long periods of time many times, in Your timing YOU have provided the "piece of the puzzle" that was missing at the time. Thank-YOU for being my refuge.

8 Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.

The problem of course, Lord, is that "puzzle pieces" keep getting lost, and I find myself asking You to find the missing piece AGAIN. Lord, please find the "missing piece" that will stop the symptoms I have now been experiencing many, many months almost daily (the body aches and headaches), and please provide a way to reduce my "total load."

This verse says to trust in You AT ALL TIMES. Most of the time I can trust in You, Lord, but as You know, sometimes things get so absolutely overwhelming that I have moments of despair. Forgive me, Lord. You have helped me in the past. Surely You will help me yet again! Help me to trust in You AT ALL TIMES!

I have "gushed out" my heart before You many, many times, and I shall do it yet again today. Thank-You so much that I can do this without guilt. Nobody else likes to be bombarded with my problems and descriptions of all my aches and pains…but YOU will listen. You have asked me to pour forth my heart. You want me to jump in Your arms of love and tell You EVERYTHING.

Thank-You, Lord, that I have a REFUGE here in Your arms! And this reminds me of Jan Markell's poem from her book, Waiting For a Miracle, pgs. 104-105:

You're My Best Friend, Lord

You're my best friend, Lord.
With You I can risk everything.
I don't have to worry about not
measuring up
or fitting in
or having the best clothes
or saying all the right things.
With You, I don't fear
having a confidence betrayed
not being understood
or having my motivations questioned.
Our conversations are meaningful, Lord.
For unlike everyone I know,
You listen, listen, and listen again.
You don't get upset if I do all the talking.
You aren't keeping score.
You give me Your full attention
And You don't wonder how to break away
Lest You miss Your next appointment.
I simply can't turn You away from me.
Now may I be a friend like that to someone?
Show me the person who needs a friend,
And let me be to them what You have
been to me. Amen.

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