Written Oct. 1999
Psalm 34
9 O fear the LORD, ye his saints: for there is no want to them that fear him.
I fear You, Lord…so why do we have needs here today? Everything seems to be OUT OF ORDER again! Help, Lord! What happened? I feel badly most of the time, and I haven't had enough sleep. I just don't have the strength to even try to get things in order. Please HELP, Lord! Please HELP!
"For there is no WANT to them that fear him"? Lord, there are many "wants' – deficiencies – NEEDS here in our lives today! Everything seems to be going "bonkers", and I'm so frustrated that I am too sick to be MOMMY here for long. Right now I just want to throw up my hands and leave!
And trying to find the right estradiol dose is a hard thing…and my children are like orphans.
But Lord…I am Your saint by Your grace, and there is a promise for me here. I don't see how things are going to work out…I don't see how they will change, but I know it begins with REVERENCE. Help me to truly fear and reverence You, today! Surely the NEEDS here will then disappear. Hallelujah!
Next morning
What an amazing thing! After I meditated on these things yesterday morning, I went to the field to talk to You, and You reminded me that to fear You is to reverence You, and to reverence You is to accept Your sovereignty in my life. The children are not getting the mommy they need, but You are Father of the widows and orphans. You will somehow fill in the missing pieces for my dear children! This sickness of mine is somehow all for our good! As I bowed before You in the field, You took away my frustrations and gave me a SPECIAL
GRACE to deal with the problems in patience in spite of my aches and pains. Thank-You for the peace and better discipline that reigns here this morning! Thank-You for making yesterday's verse come true right before my eyes!
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